The Awkward Stage

Okay, let’s admit it, aren’t all stages of dating awkward? Maybe after seeing each other for about six months it’s less awkward. By that time, you decided or he has decided that you don’t suit. Then it is onto a different awkward stage. I’m going to start with the phone call awkward. I’ve gone over my online prospects. Emailed back and forth a few times, but now it is time to step up the game to the phone call level.

This is nerve wracking for me because I truly feel like it is a game and I was never good at sports. By myself, I would sink that basket almost every time. Well, maybe that was when I was by myself…in my imagination. Same with the phone call, I’m brilliant before I get on the phone. In reality, there will be awkward silences. Probably due to the fact, I’m worried that my voice is too low or raspy. Then there’s my accent. Is it too late to develop a faux British accent? For all my worries, things often don’t even progress to this stage.

Some men don’t really want to date. They rather like the prospect of dating as opposed to the actual date or at least that is the way it seems to me. I had a year-long email relationship to only have the man disappear from cyberspace after we arranged to meet. Of course, you’re wondering why I continued to email for an entire year? He was sweet and it was nice to get his upbeat messages. When I decided to push to meet he seemed all for it in an ambivalent way.:) I used tickets to a comedy club as my lure, but about two weeks before the actual event he cut all contact. He did not respond to my emails. I couldn’t bring myself to call. A woman needs some pride. A few of you are saying married. Perhaps, he just realized it.

Most guys want to talk on the phone. They are going through their own checklist. No doubt, they peered at my tiny profile picture wondering how old it is and how much it has been photo shopped.:) The next step is voices. A low masculine timber does it for me, add a slight accent, even a Kentucky one, and I begin to melt. Still, there are so many pitfalls in the call. I can only list my own. All I do at work all day is talk and basically make up things as I go. It makes sense a phone call would be a no brainer, which translates to no brain function of any measurable type while using the phone.

The first phone call is a minefield everything from not having a clue what to say to not being able to make decipherable sounds emerge from my throat. I called a gentleman that I was meeting and I croaked hello. Maybe he thought it was a bad phone connection, but at least he didn’t hang up. Then some men just don’t talk, never mind croaking. After keeping up both sides of the conversation and introducing topics, I’m whipped. Normally it isn’t that difficult having a conversation with myself, but with another person involved it is exhausting. I may not make my decision to mark Mr. Incommunicado off the list, but the pencil is definitely in my hand. I am puzzled why a man with such a great picture seems to be lacking a personality. Don’t answer this, I know.:)

Moving on to the next phone call, usually the men send me their numbers so I can call at my convenience. It is hard to catch me at home. Perhaps they might think I am screening my phone calls, which I am, but I will pick up if able. That’s why I like to call the first time. My college age daughter is very curious about my prospects and will offer comments. She will also park herself nearby if she thinks I am talking to a man. My taste and hers aren’t exactly the same.

I am hoping to attract an active, intelligent man with humor and charm. She, on the other hand, is hoping I latch on to someone rich who will spoil me rotten and it will spill over on her. Maybe she’s hoping for an international businessman who might whisk the family off to the British Isles. I dated an international businessman once and the most exotic place he ever spirited me off to was Benihana’s. So I didn’t share my daughter’s enthusiasm for men who would spoil her.

Off to awkward conversations, which are really information gathering missions in disguise. CIA could get hints from online daters. Is he going to say anything totally weird that kills any interest? As a hard-core dog person, I find a man without a dog slightly suspicious. In truth, I guess I am looking for reasons to disqualify a guy. Why waste time with someone who would not be a good fit? The usual conversations center on work, children, and hobbies. I faked my way through entire sports conversations. Because I have sons and work with the football coach, I am able to fake sports.:)

Why do this? I don’t know how to not do this. The man starts talking about what he knows and I respond. It is a classic awkward conversation. There are the conversations where the man talks about his various exploits and I listen, another type of awkward conversation. There is the dreaded ex conversation where I feel a bit like a therapist. Then there is the conversation where everything clicks. My daughter goes by several times and raises her eyebrows as I giggle. She mouths the words, “Geek Humor.” How did she know we were talking about Star Trek? Then it happens.

He asks what I’m doing for the weekend. The date talk. I managed to make it all the way to the date talk. Now, I just have to make it to the date. I have high hopes for the date, but also high anxiety.

Can you remember your most awkward conversation? While I used to think it was the time I asked Roy to the Sadie Hawkins Day dance in 9th grade. A recent conversation won hands down. A prospect wanted me to explain why I was divorced in detail as in what I did to cause the divorce. I know what I did I got married. As for him, I hung up.