Manipulation

                                                 

Are you guilty of manipulating your dates or are you being manipulated? Most people state they hate the games people play in relationships, but aren’t able to explain what the games are, per se.  In the end, the games are simple manipulation. We usually only recognize them in hindsight. Many occur without the other person even knowing.

Scaring off the competition--this game can occur when a couple isn’t even dating. Cryptic message left on Facebook or Twitter indicating a relationship or a recent wonderful night (that never occurred.) Telling friends or co-workers that you are in a relationship, even changing online status to reflect this non-relationship. Heaven forbid you actually went out once which will give more credence to this story.

Leaving stuff behind—isn’t it amazing how some women will bring a moving van to their ex’s house and clean him out, not only taking all her stuff, but his too? Then there is the other type of woman who seems to have buried personal items all over the ex’s home just for the current squeeze to discover. What’s a woman to think when she finds lacy underwear underneath the bed? She’s not feeling confident about her new man and that could have been the ex’s plan entirely. Other exes keep coming back to get stuff they forgot, like the guy.

Implausible Excuses--you know when you hear them they don’t sound right, but guys usually cave because they are afraid to point out the implausibility. A good example of this is a woman who followed a prospective man to a new state because she wanted to work there too, and she just needed to leave her stuff at his apartment until she got settled. A man would have a better chance of dislodging King Kong from his household.

Crying and Fit-throwing--any of you who ever have children know they can turn off the tears in a hurry when it doesn’t get them what they want. Police often will not give tickets to crying women. Women know hysterics and tears will get them what they want by default. By giving in to this behavior you only guarantee more in the future.

IF You Love Me excuse—this old trick is pulled from the child bag of tricks. If you love me argument can be used as an excuse for a sports car, an expensive vacation with the girls, or even a threesome with a handsome co-worker. It is never about love, but getting your own way.

Poor, Pitiful Me—this line of manipulation is brilliant in some ways because the perpetrator presents him or herself as a victim constantly buffeted by the winds of fate. If you refuse his or her request, then you are just hurting them too.  Refuse them, you be amazed how ugly and vindictive a ‘victim’ can be.

I’ll Leave You excuse--if you don’t do what this current love requests then he or she threatens to hit the door. Let them walk. They are no prize if they are using this line.

All My Friends Wives/ Girlfriends--Are you really falling for this? You used it on your own parents when you were a teen. You knew it was a lie then. Besides, who wants to be like everyone else?

Do You Want People to Think You’re Cheap—this is always a good one to guarantee you’re paying too much for everything. I’ll let in you on a secret. The people you try to impress with expensive things really don’t care, ever. Don’t fall into this trap or you’ll find yourself bankrupt pronto.

I’ll Pay You Back, I promise—oh please, do you really believe this? Loans should not be part of a relationship. Loaned money will turn it bad fast. If you can afford the money then gift it. If the person keeps returning for additional gifts, you might have to buy yourself a clue then.

Emotional Blackmail--this happens when you revealed something incriminating, and the person threatens to use it unless you do something for them. Makes you wonder if your beloved is working for the mob. Call their bluff. If they do spill all, deny it. They just depleted any power they had over you.

You Can’t do Better Than Me--finding your love life lackluster? Tired of the constant fights, but always have the phrase, “you can’t do any better than me” thrown up in your face? Anyone who does this, I can guarantee that you can do much, much better, and they know it too, thus the phrase is to keep you from looking.

Overly jealous and suspicious—does your sweetheart scan your text messages, emails, and eavesdrop on your phone calls? Two possibilities include that his previous girlfriend was a cheater or he’s a cheater. Deal with this behavior immediately because it will drive a wedge between the two of you.

Bed Games (and not the fun kind)--this is where the woman kicks the guy out of his own bed because of some perceived wrong. Grown up people don’t behave in this manner, children do. Maybe you need to date an adult for a change.

PMS-petty mood swings which can be blamed on hormones. Did you know men actually have cycles? Most men don’t or they would blame bad behavior on monthly cycles too. Would you accept this behavior from your co-worker? No, of course not, so why accept it from anyone else.

The Female Excuse—please this is so degrading. Some women when caught doing a job poorly, lying, or even taking two parking spaces simply relate it to being a woman.

In the end, a good relationship is when we want the best for the other person. In doing so, we help the other person to be his or her better self.  Manipulation/game playing is always about just doing for you. Maybe at first getting what you want will make you happy, but it never lasts. It also can’t fall under the heading of love, unless you are talking about being in love with yourself to the degree that no one else matters.

So are you manipulator, or are you being played? It really is best to be neither.