Texting Can Fool You

 

I recently read an article in a man’s magazine while waiting for my hair to be trimmed. The newly single fifty-year-old man wrote glowing words of how getting to know women via text was so much better than talking to them face to face. It allowed him insight to their psyche.

I am here to break the awful truth to you. Texting can be a lot like Catfish, the movie and television show, where people develop dating profiles pretending to be someone they are not. Texting allows you to make perfect sound bites that might make you sound playful, adventurous or sexy. With this is mind, those same sexy answers can be stored and used repeatedly for different people. You can even download some pre-written ones into the phone.

 One woman wooed by texting was upset that her potential boyfriend wasn’t charming at all when she met him face to face. He confessed to buying the pre-made texts. The person you thought you were communicating with may not have even typed the text you received.

 Imagine a group of women sitting around the table drinking when you send your would be sweetie a message. She offers the phone to her girlfriends to read the text. They offer their summaries on what it means and then how to reply to it. This man, who thinks he has all this emotional insight to the woman he’s considering dating or may be dating, may have very little insight at all.  Then there’s the problem with texting more than one person at one time.

Yep, I’ve done it. Texting one fellow when another one starts texting. It gets confusing trying to keep the men straight in your head, let alone the texts. You may imply to the wrong man feelings you do not have for him. An aside to my sweetie: I never did that with you, honey.

An example that good texting does not equate good chemistry was brought home with a question a woman had on the New La Mode site. A woman found herself engaged in this texting relationship, which she found very hot. She met him in person and nothing sizzled. Why is that?

One reader pointed out that in person so many things enter into the equation from body odor to manners. You can’t get these via a text. People who think they have chemistry online or via a text want to have chemistry. It is a feeling we create within ourselves. We also make our texting suitor into what we want him to be. Unfortunately, when people meet face-to-face reality often stomps out the budding romance.

Texting often falls flat if you have a sarcastic or dry sense of humor. Typing LOL seems forced as if you have to tell the person something was funny. Without facial expressions, a person can’t decide the meaning you meant. A comment about the woman looking nice the other night appears like a no-brainer. Without an appreciative smile to go with it, the woman might decide the man meant she doesn’t usually look nice normally. She might think he may have thought she didn’t look good and was being sarcastic by using the word nice. If he really thought she looked good, then he would have typed sexy, hot, or gorgeous. By using the word nice, he equated her with his grandmother. Texting is not the end all some men consider it to be.

Then there is the issue of texting while out on dates. The smitten man thinks he’s texting to a woman who is equally smitten, but she’s texting while on a date and enjoying it very much. This plays to her vanity having two men desirous of her company at the same time. It is terrible date behavior.

What is the deal about texting? Keep in mind, your text could be fodder for conversation. The person you’re texting may be preoccupied with other texts, a date, or the football game. Pre-made texts are available for purchase. Texting does not reveal your true personality. If it did, then my personality would be someone who didn’t talk much. The longer you text the more you build an idealistic image of the person.

Meet as soon as possible and do not rely on texts to do the job. The man who was happily texting feels like a teenager again. He never considered the woman he was texting could be texting multiple men, making them all feel like teens too.  By teens, I am not referring to flat abs, but rather a cocky confidence about a subject they knew precious little about. Ah, youth.

Dating and Texting

Your texting may be the symbol of where your relationship is at and where it is going. I overheard two women discussing the gradual disintegration of one woman’s last romance. At first, she talked every night, the calls grew less frequent, he started texting her, then even the texts became shorter and were often abbreviations that never spelled out ‘I love you’. The sympathetic girl friend asked her friend when she knew the relationship was doomed.

Men, pay attention to the following sentences, because her answer is important and I will explain why in a second.  She answered without any hesitation. She knew the relationship had turned the corner when he started texting.

There are times it is ok to text, but not as many times as you think. If you are running late, you might text that you are late. Texting generally implies you don’t care enough to call. If you are crazy about a person, you want to hear her voice. You text if you are keeping her on a string with a bunch of other women. You text when you are hanging out with the guys and you don’t want to interrupt your male bonding to talk to her, even though you said you’d call. You text when you are watching your favorite television show. What all these things have in common is that you consider them more important than the actual woman. You text when you are on a date with another woman. You text when you are drunk. Trust me, she know all these reasons.

Teenagers might build a relationship on text messages, but grown  women want face time. If they can’t have face time, voice time will do. Bad things happen with texting. Your friends think it is cool to text for you. A message goes to the wrong person. A sarcastic or funny message comes off wrong. Women, unfortunately, get bad messages via text from breakups to date cancellations. Just ask Katy Perry, whose ex-husband notified her via text he wanted a divorce. Sometimes the idea of a text message has negative  connotations.

Are you serious about this woman? Want to get to know her better? Then keep the texting at a minimum. Michael Masters, author of TextAppeal -- For Guys! The Ultimate Texting Guide, states that the hotter a woman is  the less texting you should do. Unnecessary texting makes you look needy. Inappropriate texting such as in the early morning, late evening, even at work can be annoying.

You don’t get to know someone through texting. There are no social cues to let you know you’ve entered into the boring zone. You can’t really show off your clever wit or charm in a text. You may think you can, but typing ROFL doesn’t quite do it.

Text messages sometimes function as smoke screens, allowing the man to hide behind them. Some men will be guilty of using the same message over and over again on different women. Does it sound familiar like a song or poem? Then it probably is. Women don’t want perfection they just want to get to know you.

Another thing, as a woman, I absolutely hate are men who text me and actually think I know who it is. No, I was not waiting for his text. The man is so unimportant in my life that he isn’t in my caller identification yet. Don’t play cutesy game about your identity either. If you want to do this, maybe there is a thirteen-year-old girl willing to text you. Always assume the woman doesn’t know who it is.

When is it okay to text? Running late, confirming reservations, seeing if she got home safe, double checking preferences, to see if she’s free to talk. Most women won’t mind an occasional random compliment text or an ‘I love you’ text. In the end, they really want to talk to you. It doesn’t have to a long conversation. It is enough to make the effort, which will show her how much you care.

Never ever text on a date. If you have to take a call or text, excuse yourself to do so.