When Dating Turns Dangerous

If you’ve kept up with the news then you’ve probably heard about Mary Kay Beckman’s Match date who did his best to murder her, and in fact murdered a previous Match date. This sends a shiver down most single folks’ spines, especially if they are currently online dating. What lessons can we learn from Mary Kay’s experience?

 

She refused to see the man after a couple of dates realizing something wasn’t quite right with Wade Ridley. What she did do was reveal enough information for the man to find her home and hide in her garage. Mary Kay is fifty. She probably had the attitude that the most she had to fear from her date was boredom. Obviously, she was wrong. Most online daters use an email that does not reflect their actual name, and often a prepaid phone. This sounds like a bit of work, but let’s looks at the other side. You meet someone who sounded fine in the profile, but on meeting, you decide you won’t suit. When you expressed your desire not to see him or her, your date goes berserk. Flooding your inbox with hate mail rants and endless phone calls and text messages, as annoying as that might be aren’t you glad you didn’t give out your actual email and phone number.

 

Sometimes, as older adults, we think we are a good judge of character. Anyone can be fooled no matter how smart he or she is. Sociopaths are particular good at fooling people. There is no reason to take chances, to give out full names, and especially addresses. I didn’t allow my sweetie to come to my house until the fifth date when I was sure he was okay.

 

If your date balks at your caution, think of this as a major red flag. Your first thought might be to avoid online dating altogether, but dangerous characters pop up everywhere. Jodi Arias, alleged murderer, went looking for high earning males by reading newspapers, tech magazines and online journals. Travis Alexander, the victim, should have questioned why a woman crossed states to be near him. Even when he broke up with her, he failed to contact the police about her stalking him, but he told his brother. His failure to alert people and take proper precautions ended in his death. Perhaps, as a guy, he didn’t figure he had anything to fear from a petite female. He was wrong.

 

How can you avoid being a victim? Do not date anyone who causes doubts. Perhaps it is something he said, wrote, or a casual remark. Do not allow yourself to be a dating guinea pig. Don’t give out your full name, address, or work address. Profile photos should not include any identifying signs or children.

 This isn’t the first issue with Match. Earlier in 2012, a Match date and was sexually assaulted on the first date. Is every person online crazy? Nope, about 99% of them are normal. Your job is to exercise precaution to prevent that 1% gaining entry to your home and heart. This isn’t as easy as it sounds, but it is do-able. Be logical. Ask the right questions about your date’s childhood, career, and past relationships. If something sounds off, ask the question another way. If at any time, you feel unsafe, leave. This is why you should meet in public venues. If your date wants to meet in an isolated spot, don’t do it. There is no reason for your date to insist on a solitary spot, unless he or she has an ulterior motive. Too often, people want a relationship to move faster than it should logically and to accomplish this put themselves in dangerous situations.

 

Does it matter where you acquire your date? Match is a cheap site, as are many others. Some are even free. Does that make a difference in your date? It might, especially if they aren’t looking for long-term prospects. Now eHarmony is more expensive, but verifies dates, which means it checks out marital status, age, employer, and address.

 

The 45-year-old engineer in Des Moines really is what he says he is. However, they cannot verify if he is a jerk, or treats women in an abusive manner. If a date complains then the man or woman will be banned from eHarmony, and members who had previous contact with him will be warned not to contact him. It is a decent system, and better than no system at all.

 

Should you stop online dating to be safe? Not necessarily because folks you meet at work, the dry cleaners, through your cousin’s best friend can turn out to be crazy too. Trust your instincts if something feels wrong, then it is. One column suggested taking friends on a date. I don’t think that would go over well. You should always tell someone where you are going and when you will be home. If you feel the need, you can plant a friend in the meeting site. Most folks are trustworthy, but make sure he or she earns your trust first.

 

Maybe you’ve already given out too much information. Change your profile now. If someone is cyber stalking you, do not respond, but do block him or her. Defriend them on all social media, being their friend is not their consolation prize for not dating you. Do you have a receptionist at work who all incoming calls go through, if so ask her not to process calls from this individual or give out information.

 

If your spurned date starts following you, it is time to alert the police. At first, they will only take a statement, but it is on their radar. Tell a few friends to leave a trail if you disappear or worst. Sometimes, depending on the escalation of the abuse, you may have to inform your employer, especially if the stalker is waiting in the work parking lot. Be cautious when you are out, aware of your surroundings, avoid going out alone, and after dark. If you feel unsafe, move, if only temporarily this will cause him to transfer his intentions to someone else.

 

Men, keep in mind, women are more likely to stalk than men are. Just giving out your phone number allows her to access to your address by reverse look up on the Internet. It also provides a map to your house, in case; she wasn’t sure how to get there. By Googling people by their full name, I can often find out where they work and live, sometimes hobbies, and relatives.

 

Remember to make your safety a number one priority. Too often people dismiss apprehensions, as oppose to listening to them. I am an example of finding a wonderful man through online dating, but I did encounter one troublesome character I wish never knew my last name. Learn from my mistakes, instead, of your own.

Developing Online Dating Profile

This section is from articles I wrote on Examiner, as a local dating reporter

Writing the Profile

Are you tired of the roller coaster world of online dating, hitting mainly valleys, and none of the peaks? Could be you have a lackluster profile. You are charming, upbeat, even fun, but your profile doesn’t show it

 

Many online books promise eye-catching profiles, with expert help being questionable at best. One book advised men to top their profiles with weird, cryptic titles such as: “Where Are My Sunglasses? Oh, Here They Are.” Cheesy pickup lines as catch phrases are bad too. Intelligent women see those and keep moving.

 

Ask your friends what they like best about you. Tell them you are writing a profile and you’ll be amazed what they come up with. Guys, ask your women friends or sisters who are well aware that the ability to throw a perfect spiral is not dating profile material.

 

Here are five proven tips for writing an excellent profile.

 

1.      Remember to stay positive. Do not drag out baggage.

2.      Embrace your uniqueness; that way you stand out from the crowd.

3.      Make sure you include something everyone likes to do, such as eating. If you list pole vaulting, ultra marathons, and geo-caching as your go to items, you will limit your possibilities.

4.      Be descriptive. While you don’t have to overwhelm with words, the right word packs more punch as opposed to generalities.

5.      Stay current. If your profile includes the latest movie, book, or restaurant you visited, make sure you update it at least once a month. Otherwise, it looks like you are doing nothing. It is a bit like real estate; the updated and newer listings get more looks 

Keep in mind, your unique sense of humor or sarcasm may not read well. The reader can’t hear your tone of voice or see your twisted smile to be aware you’re teasing. It is okay to be clever, but don’t try too hard because it shows.

Here is an example of a thought provoking heading: Looking for My Last First Date. The reader has to pause for a moment to understand the person wants a long-term relationship. The moment the reader stops to think, his or her interest is tickled. That’s all you need to gain a second glance.

People, especially women, read the profiles. Don’t dash this off in a hurry because you need to sound intelligent. Check your grammar and spelling so you don’t come off as illiterate.

With the profile out of the way, it is time for the photos. Let’s start with the men. Please don’t dig out the photos from your last golf outing or the office party. Men post pictures of them posing with their buds, and it is hard for a date to figure out who you are. She might also like the way your buddy looks better than you. Who needs the competition?

Women want to see you by yourself to be able to imagine your arm around them. With this is mind, a picture of you and your ex-wife with the ex removed won’t work. Everyone knows that trick and it is as if the ex is still there, lingering in the background.

A recent photo is a must. Think how upset you’d be if you arrived for a first meeting and thought your date's mother showed up because of an outdated photo. People do pick out potential dates on how they look, but don’t make the mistake that they are looking for a model. Many men take their own photos by stretching out an arm or shooting into a bathroom mirror. This is not only unflattering, but also will make women wonder why you have to be so secretive.

Get a friend to help you out with your photo shoot. There are companies in the area that specialize in online dating profile photos. Headshots work well so you’ll want a few. Remember to do body shots too. You want your date to see what you look like. No one wants a date that leaves because you weren’t what she expected based on your photo. 

Show the real you. Be active. Make the photos look candid. Any sport you enjoy that has you participating works. A photo with your dog is okay, but not your cats. Women tend to view men with cats as less masculine. If your passion is astronomy, then stand by a telescope.

Finally, avoid any identifying information to avoid the stalker. You may never date her or only date her once. She can get information from staring at your photo, spotting the name of your work, your street name, or the name of your country club. Guys need to be safe too. Remember have fun with the photos; women love men who laugh.

Women, be careful with your photos. Women who post profile photos in skimpy outfits, swimsuits, or lingerie often complain about how the men they meet only want to take them to bed as opposed to taking them out. The basic problem is they sent out the wrong message with their photo. It is hard to think of a woman as long-term relationship material when she’s decked out like an escort.

Your photos attract different types of men. If you want a one-night fling or a party boy, the nasty girl photos will do it for you. If you want a responsible, thoughtful man who’ll remember your birthday and bring you flowers then you need to go a different route. The honest route is best.

Who hasn’t heard a person complain that their online date bore no resemblance to her picture? Posting old pictures, when you were skinnier, younger, and altogether different looking does no one any favors. Many men might not object to a few additional pounds, but they do mind being played by the bait and switch approach. Glamour or boudoir shots that are so photo shopped that they bear no resemblance to the actual person are misleading too. You don’t want to look better than you do right now.

Avoid posting group shots. Most men won’t even try to pick you out of a crowd. It shows you put no effort into your profile. It also smacks of you being a person who can’t be alone. Do you want to send that message?

Online dating is an investment, so make it count. Men want you to post several pictures, including full body shots. Wear flattering outfits that highlight your good features.

Pictures to avoid include: pet photos, pictures with young children or grandchildren, wearing something odd like a sombrero or a clown nose. No poses with other men even if they are your GBF or adult son. Avoid shots of you drinking or eating—these just aren’t attractive poses. It should be obvious that you don’t pose with firearms or any other dangerous weapons. No identifying information such as your name, address, place of work or house number. You definitely don’t want everyone to know how to find you.

Finally, have fun and you’ll look like you’re having fun. Remember a smile can be very sexy, especially accompanied with a twinkle.

 

Dining Protocol

 

Most people eat differently if no one was around, but then some folks don’t. It is good to know what is bad behavior or offensive to your date before doing it. Some dates are real sticklers for etiquette even to the point of faulting you for rules you never knew existed. Before you grouse about someone having to accept you as you are, remember we are talking about first impressions.

DON’TS

1.       Do not put your keys, purse, or cellphone on the table.

2.       Do not text during the meal, or answer texts. Turn your phone off or put it on silent.

3.       If you are in restaurant with televisions, don’t watch the game over her shoulder. She’ll know.

4.       Please chew with your mouth closed. Even after you dated forever, it is never permissible to chew with your mouth open.

5.       Don’t talk with food in your mouth. Your date will wait until you swallow.

6.       Do not slurp your soup or drink. (This changes in Japan where it is a ‘do’)

7.       Use utensils when possible. Sure, you eat a burger with your hands. When in doubt, don’t order items that are finger foods. (The Brits eat everything with utensils even to the extent of peeling fruit with a tiny knife, and eating with a fork.)

8.       Do not complain about the service, it just makes you sound petty.

9.       Even if your food isn’t to your liking, don’t complain about it. Your date did not prepare it, and he or she can’t do anything about it. Exception:  a too rare steak is fixable.

10.   Fight the desire to comment on other people in the restaurant. This behavior shows your attention is off your date.

11.   Do not sample off your date’s plate without permission. Later on in the relationship, this might be permissible, then again, it might not.

12.   Women, don’t order the most expensive thing on the menu because you want to get value from the date. This is extremely rude behavior. He could expect you to split the bill, or find your behavior so reprehensible that he excuses himself, and never returns.

13.   Don’t  get tipsy. Keep yourself to a one-drink limit, or possibly a no drink limit.

14.   No cutesy behavior. This includes talking in different voices, arranging condiments in fighting formation, playing peek-a-boo with the menu, acting ditzy. People never really find this appealing EVER.

15.   When the bill comes, do not comment on how the man pays. Some women are amazing rude commenting on if he used a credit card, if he tipped enough, or even be irate if a date uses a gift card.

16.   Do not flirt with your server, even if your server flirts with you.

17.   Do not check out other people in the room. It is no fun to go out with a guy who has a swivel head.

 

 

 DO’s

1.       Allow the man to place the order. The woman can pick out her choice, but it is still traditional for the man to place the order.

2.       Use your napkin. Your date probably won’t tell you if you have something on your face.

3.       Slow down.  The point isn’t to eat, but get to know your date. Eating as if you haven’t eaten in days is not flattering to your date.

4.       Do keep your distance. Dinner is not a grope session.

5.       Dress appropriately for your venue. It never hurts to be overdressed, but underdressed is embarrassing. When in doubt, go with business casual. (Khakis and a dress shirt for men, or a simple dress or coordinated pants ensemble for women. Shorts are never appropriate unless you are picnicking.)

6.       Talk in an appropriate level. The couple behind you doesn’t want to hear about your day.

7.       Keep your laughter moderate. Shrieking laughter is not only off putting, but makes people think you had too much to drink.

8.       Do throw out conversational tidbits as opposed to making your date do all the work.

9.       Do smile and act as if you’re enjoying yourself even if you think there will be no second date. There is no reason to act like a jerk.

10.   Do thank the server for refilling your glass, or making substitutions. (This shows you are a considerate person.)

11.   Do consider your topics. Avoid previous relationships, religion, politics, and any hot button issue for you. (You are anti-gun, and you want to know where he stands. You will find out if you pay attention as opposed to quizzing him like a detective.)

12.   If you feel the desire to split the tab, you can suggest this, but if your date refuses, accept it.

13.   Do help the lady with her chair, and coat.

14.   Walk your date to her car if you came in different cars. If she is using the subway, you can offer to walk her to her station.

15.   Make sure to thank your date for a lovely evening. (This paramount for both men and women)

16.   Want a second date, then, make sure to text that evening to make certain she/he got home safe, and restate what a great time you have.  After that, the next move is up to your date.

OLD HAUNTS

  

How do you feel when you started dating a fellow and he takes you to all the places he and his ex used to visit. At first, it might ick you out, but only if he told you. Couldn’t he be more imaginative than that? Keep in mind, men are different than women in that they don’t place emotional significance on places. He likes to go to a particular steak house because they serve good steaks. Sometimes, if you explain that you don’t want to hang out at the same places he and his ex used to go, he may not understand, but will humor you.

Where does it end though? If you are reading this blog, then you’re probably over thirty and been out to more than a dozen or so places with different people. This means there are a multitude of restaurants, venues, vacation resorts, and even cities you might not visit because they are associated with the exes. For a while, I was of the opinion to avoid these places as if they were radioactive.

This was especially important to me when I had the same name as my ex-husband’s first wife. I felt I had no identity on my own. It was important to me not to be mistaken for her. We already shared a husband I didn’t want to share anything else. I even changed my name. There came a point when I realized I quit doing what I wanted to do in fear that I might bump into the ex. (If you’re wondering, I never did.)

Shouldn’t we do what we want to do, go where we want to go, eat at the restaurants we like? With that in mind, I am for taking back my favorite travel spots, or places I wanted to go to, but never did. Maybe your sweetie or mate declares he doesn’t want to go on a cruise because he went on one with his ex. Guess what, you didn’t get to go on a cruise, and you want to. You should go on the cruise. Perhaps, your sweetie might be leery, but assure him that the company will be better this time. Then let it go, don’t ask him about the previous cruise. Allow this to be your special event. This is part of you taking ground for you.

Often when you tiptoe around not doing something your sweetie and his ex did together, you shortchange yourself. Think about it, if they went to Hawaii on vacation, does that mean you never will? If you have this rationale, you will resent your own sweetie because you will feel the ex got to do things you wanted to do, but didn’t get to.

I caught myself in this trap when planning my own wedding. When I mentioned perhaps a seaside wedding, I found out my sweetie’s psychotic ex insisted on a beach wedding.  My entire sweetie’s family would remember the wedding, perhaps compare me to his ex. I gave that desire up, not because I didn’t want it, I just didn’t want the comparisons. Maybe that wasn’t a bad thing to do, but it pushed me into avoiding anything that might be associated with any of his exes.

Then it hit me one day that I was not doing what I wanted to do. I gave my power of decision to his exes inadvertently. Ironically, I resented them for taking choices and places from me. They didn’t. I made that decision. Then I decided to take back what I wanted. Reclaim some of my old haunts because they were places I liked. I also decided to not ask if a previous girlfriend had ever been there.

My former reluctance was based on my theory that the places would bring back romantic memories of the ex. It is more likely if they brought back any memories. It would bring back arguments or being ignored. There is a reason an ex is an ex.

With this in mind, I am out to brand all places with memories of us. Any associations will be of us. I am amazed I was willing to give up so much. I understand the resentment I felt against the previous exes was tied to feeling they stole not only my sweetie’s past, but also chunks of my present. Why should I hide in the shadows and carefully watch my step not to encounter the ex? I’ve done nothing wrong. Reclaim your haunts; go where you want, you’ll be much happier.   

How Hot is your Credit Score?

What is the must have characteristic for the dating world of 2013? Is it a sleek sports car? Maybe it is a toned physique, or an impressive job title, or season tickets to a premier NFL team. According to a New York Times article, it is a good credit score. Are you surprised? I was. How often does your credit score come up in dating conversation?

None as far as I can remember, but this isn’t the case with all daters.  Jessica, one of the subjects of the New York Times article, also an attractive airline attendant was surprised on her first date with a finance officer when he asked about her credit score. He went so far to insist that a less than good credit score was a deal breaker for him. She acknowledged maybe her score wasn’t the best, but didn’t know what it was. Even though she thought the date went well, she still received the kiss off stating her score as the reason.

Why should credit scores matter? Eventually if you want to start a life together, a mate’s bad score will keep you from buying a house, or even renting an appropriate apartment. Car ownership and cell plans will come at a much higher price tag. If your low credit rating mate loses his job, he or she may have a harder time finding a new one.

Employers, potential employers, insurance companies, cell services, banks, and mortgage companies all have access to your credit rating. The job you were perfect for and didn’t get could be due to a low credit rating. Employers tend not to hire individuals with low credit rating because they view them as open to bribery and theft. Insurance companies need to know your credit score to evaluate if they might be scammed by an over insured house mysteriously burning down. Not only will dates drop you because of your credit rating, but insurance companies will too. If you date anyone from the mentioned companies, you can be assured they do know your credit rating. Maybe they shouldn’t you insist, trust me they do.

When two people become a couple, their individual debt becomes shared debt. No one truly wants to take on somebody else’s debt. Looking back, I will say I am resentful of paying off my ex-husband school loans, especially since I brought none to the marriage. Going back to the Times article, one man refused to marry his fiancée until she paid off her 150,000 in school loans. Realistically that probably won’t be happening soon unless she is pulling down good money. It makes me wonder if it isn’t an excuse to not marry or just be engaged forever with all the benefits  of marriage, but none of the actual commitment.

A bad credit score is similar to a STD. It is a secret that your date may hide from you knowing it might drive you away. How can you know without asking? You will probably be clueless unless you date the person for a while. Are they careless with their finances? Splurges on impulse buys, paying bills late, ducking calls from creditors and collection companies are all evidence. If he or she uses a credit card to pay for everything is another sign.

Do you even know your credit score? Might want look into that since even one missed account or a difference in opinion can ruin your score. A letter sent to the credit bureau documenting your efforts to clear up the problem will help your score tremendously. Another subject contributed his poor credit score to a disputed cable bill. 

The importance of a good credit score in a relationship has even spawned dating sites based on credit scores. You don’t have to worry about asking since members already have been vetted by the agencies such as Creditscoredating.com and Datemycreditscore.com .

Can a high credit score female ever find love with a low credit score man? That depends on why the person has a low credit score, and if he is working to remedy that situation. Often a man or woman can not only be blindsided, but also bankrupted by a partner who cleans out the shared accounts with an unannounced departure. The credit rating agencies do not care if you have a history of paying your bills in a prompt fashion for the last twenty years, they only care about your foreclosed home due to failure to sell after the split.

There is a two-fold problem when you choose to date by credit score. A good credit score does not equal a good match; maybe it hedges your bet some. You also automatically eliminate a person with a less than wonderful score who is working hard to change a score that dropped due to circumstances beyond his control. You have to ask yourself if you’re the person with the good credit rating if you’re willing to have everything in your name for the best rates.

Then again, a good credit score is just another way to slim down the field of possible dates, and eventual mates. We’ve all heard a variety of excuses not to continue a relationship from distance, religion, even lack of childbearing ability. Why not tack on credit score to the list?

Hormones Will Fool You

Do you realize that most of our regrettable behavior comes from listening to our hormones as opposed to our heart or brain? Add to that the messages we receive from the media that sex is the end all. Even preteen girls clothes are more provocative than ever and toddlers are strutting down the runaway in outfits more appropriate for Madonna than a four year old. The basic message aimed at females is sex sells. The underlying message is it will get what you want.

 This explains the increase of STD’s among the geriatric set. Still most of the retirees haven’t experienced soley a surge in hormones, but rather loneliness. Among the elderly, the women still outnumber the men. Most senior women would prefer not to be alone. A man on their arm is as much as an accessory as it is for their younger counterparts. With the rise of erectile dysfunction drugs, it seems probable that grandpa wants to prove he still has it. Widows and widowers are casually hooking up not purely for fun, but in a desperate bid to escape their solitude. What they’ve forgotten is hormones often trick us.

  Sometimes our mind joins in this deception. If you watch the movie Catfish, or the reality based television show of the same name, you’d witness people engaged in online relationships with folks they’ve never met. The show’s originator brings the two people together on camera. The girl quivers with excitement to meet her beloved. She usually flashes a handful of photos of a gorgeous guy. The reality is the man is not movie star handsome, and sometime not even a man. The pull they called love was more a simple case of infatuation or lust based on what he looked like. The participants didn’t fall for one another’s souls.

  As I watched the show, my first reaction was contempt for the people who would post false pictures of themselves. Think about it, don’t most people try to change themselves to attract a partner. Both men and women complain that once they landed someone that person changes. What they didn’t realize is they returned to their normal everyday self, as opposed to being the sex kitten with big hair, or the debonair charmer.

  With this in mind, relationships that start out as friends or even neighbors actually have a better chance because the couple knows who the real person is. As a dating couple, they’ll notice when the other is trying a little harder because it is a change from the normal behavior. This is a definite benefit as opposed to being penalized for acting normal.

 Most relationships start out with a sexual spark.  Men often comment that they wouldn’t bother dating women they couldn’t see themselves in bed with, but women often confuse this sentiment. They understand it as if they sleep with the guy he’ll be theirs.  Men often sleep with women they don’t even like. Yep, I said it. They aren’t horrible individuals either; they just didn’t realize they didn’t like the woman. How’s this you might wonder? They never had time to get to know her before they fell onto the sheets.

When a woman approaches a man, or flirts with him, she’s giving off pheromones that let the man know she’s available. This is a natural occurrence. Add into the scenario, a steady diet of sex-obsessed media images, a provocative outfit, and alcohol and you got yourself a classic one-night stand. Only the woman doesn’t think it’s a fling, she sees a relationship, whereas the guy doesn’t, but may continue for a few miserable weeks before vanishing.

Hormones usually jump start an attraction, however if a relationship proceeds at a normal pace, then those same hormones play a minor role.  What happens is you begin to value the person for who they are as opposed to how they make you feel.  Think back to those smitten women in Catfish, their hormone level bottomed out when they caught sight of their real online love.   They never really loved the person, but rather the image.  There is a two-part lesson there. Don’t pretend to be someone you’re not, and don’t base your choices on superficial beauty.

Almost all affairs are the result of responding to hormones. Perfectly decent people in good marriages fall into affairs in a moment, as opposed to thinking it out, or getting on the Ashley Madison site. The media drives our need for novelty. That’s why so many people believe they need something extra. Do you ever see a happy marriage portrayed in the movies? I remember an old television show, Hart to Hart, where gorgeous millionaire couple solved murder with the help of their helpful butler.  You could have a happy marriage, according to the media, if you were rich, gorgeous, and had a helpful butler.

 Unfortunately, we now expect men and women to have double-digit sex partners.  Often college co-eds out from the watchful eyes of their parents engage in consensual and often non-consensual sex on campus. There is a message out there that you are supposed to be hooking up as much as you can. If you’re not, then something is wrong with you. Men often fall into this thinking with their locker room talk, but women can talk and act just as dirty.

What they don’t realize is they are setting themselves up not to have a fulfilling relationship. A union based on sex falls apart when someone more alluring shows up on the scene.  People who did not spend enough time developing a relationship before hopping into bed cannot achieve a lasting partnership. Before, whenever anything went wrong, they left and found someone else. It seemed easy enough to do.

Statistically proven, men who play around continue to play around after marriage. They are too afraid they are missing out. One man said when divorcing that he felt it was unfair to all the hot women by staying married.  If a woman did have a large number of flings, then a normal, balanced relationship will seem unexciting to her. She’ll be out seeking novelty in the form of a bad boy.

 How do you get off this hormone driven carousel? Be yourself, as opposed to a sexed up version of you. Know what you want, write it down, so you won’t drift off on a wave of pheromones. Focus on the result instead of the right now. There is nothing sadder than a sixty-year-old man with a spray on tan and too much cologne trying to pick up women in a bar. Don’t be that man, or the woman he picks up.