Monday, September 24, 2012


Ever been fixed up on a blind date? More women are asking relatives and friends to arrange a date. One reason is that it is hard to meet people on your own. When you’re in high school or college possible candidates surround you. As you mature and start your career, the possibilities get fewer and fewer.  Especially if you’re in a female dominated field like Darla, in my newest novel, Blind Date by Secret Cravings.  To celebrate the novel, which is releasing in October, I am holding a Blind Date contest, but the readers get to pick the winners.



1.       Tell about a blind date you’ve experienced. I will consider on-line dates because so much imagination goes into the profile that it might as well be a blind date. The date can be horrible, funny, or even sweet. Remember keep it clean because this is not an over 18 site. There are ways to make your point, without being vulgar.

2.       You post your short story in the comment section. Please give it a title to help people vote for it. Ex: The Twins Fiasco

3.       You can vote for yourself or someone else by going to and leaving your vote at the contact site.

4.       Voting will run until October 22, 2012.

5.       The winner will be announced on this site, and social media, plus my website. You can choose to make up a name if you wish, but I will need an email to contact you and send you your prize.


Grand Prize-Dinner for two at the Olive Garden PLUS a cultured Pearl necklace. (Retail Value $200)

1st prize- Your choice of Dark or Milk Chocolate Godiva Chocolate

2nd prize-two of my eBooks. You can visit my site to pick your choice. (

3rd place-a Copy of Blind Date

Every winner gets a copy of Blind Date.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

Dating and Relationship Truths

Like this look? 86% of women surveyed didn't.

Please note these are statistics taken from the US, things may vary in different countries.

1.       76% women prefer men with dark hair. The least liked hair on men is red.

2.       Everyone can improve his or her dating or marital relationship by keeping the cellphone out of sight.

3.        71% of men will not allow their significant other to touch their cell phone. It makes you wonder.

4.       Men like women that eat. Picky eaters are a major turn-off.  38% of men asked think the sexiest thing a woman can order is steak.

5.       Men find dandruff a major turn-off on women. Ironically, the commercials show women put off by dandruff.

6.       Women were asked what they wanted to do before they turn thirty, and the number one answer was make a man cry. Women under thirty sound a bit mean spirited.

7.       50% of women say putting on perfume makes them feel special.

8.       Women will not pig out in front of men, but will in front of other women.

9.       10% of people who have sent a naked photo via phone have sent it to the wrong person.

10.   25% of us have a naked photo on our phone currently. It just might be someone we don’t know, though.

11.   67% of adults have posed for a nude photo. (Or at least the ones who answered the survey did.)

12.   33% find our smart phones more entertaining and fun than our significant other. It might be the naked photos. 

13.   Quickest date turnoff is having bad breath.

14.   When deciding if a first date is a go, the person’s laugh is more important than clothing. An obnoxious or forced laugh kills any potential for a second date.

15.   67% of women say they get turned on faster when a partner say loving, and flattering things about them as opposed to them giving them gifts or stripping down naked.

16.   78% women in a committed relationship dislike their partner leaving dirty dishes in the sink.

17.   Last year, over 300,000 men had Botox in the US.

18.   The number one thing a woman can do to drive a man away is to be needy or clingy.

19.   After Christmas holidays, 22%  of couples are not speaking to each other.

20.   The biggest breakup month is January. Is this a result of a New Year’s resolution or what?

21.   Only 4% of people actually wake up happy. If you live with one then you are very lucky.

22.   Recent survey shows the more money a man makes the more likely he is to cheat.

23.   More men are now getting their eyebrows waxed.

24.   The number one thing women like to borrow from their man is his car.

25.   Men think about food eighteen times a day. Maybe the stomach is the best way to a man’s heart.

26.   The unforgivable sin on a date according to 75% of women is forgetting their name. Obviously, 25% will forgive you.

27.   Are you easily embarrassed? If so, you have better relationship skills.

28.   Changing your perfume or cologne will help you get over a breakup quicker. It is like re-inventing yourself.

29.   Wardrobe Warning: 90% of women would not even consider dating a man who wore leather pants.

30.   Wardrobe Alert:  86% of women believe too short pants is a definite bad look.

31.   Most dater will wait 39 days before using a coupon in front of their partner. That is an average of over four weeks, possibly 4-12 dates.

32.   Guys wants a date to crush on you immediately? Scary women will. Consider this if your date is head over heels for you immediately.

33.   Men who want a stronger marriage should offer a foot massage twice a week.

34.   The number one reason not to date a guy is for revenge.

35.   35% of women still keep their ex’s number in the cell phone. The question is why.

36.   According to dating websites, the reason singles are still single is because they are too picky.

37.   Over 70% of women expect men to be able to change a tire to qualify as a real man.

38.   Only 20% of single adults consider physical attractiveness the most important element of chemistry.

39.   Date didn’t call back? 73% of people who don’t follow up with a second date is because they do not own a car. See, it really wasn’t you.

40.   Wink at a cute girl? 58% of women find this a major turn-off.

41.   According to Cosmo magazine survey, women don’t want to hear about their ex getting married.

42.   If a man could change one thing about his present mate? It would be her mood. Makes you wonder if you’re a moody chick?

43.   Men can be as vain as women because 95% of them have sucked in their stomach while talking to a woman.

44.   Sixty percent of women admit falling for a man with a funny one liner.

45.   Want to get noticed? Over 74% men admit to noticing women because of their hair.

46.   No second dates? 90% of both men and women refuse to date someone with an annoying voice.

47.   What impresses women more than expensive gifts? Making dinner reservations.

48.   The three top scents that are arousing to women include pumpkin pie, lavender, and cucumber. No wonder women like candle shops.

49.   Guys want to assure a goodnight kiss. Women tend to kiss men who smell good.

50.   Holding hands is what 70% of married women wished their husbands would do more.

Friday, September 14, 2012

Fog: How Abusive Women Brainwash Men

Ever wonder how you got in a relationship that sucks your soul out of you, but yet you feel helpless to leave? An abusive woman on the search for a new mate chose you. Never think you chose her because you didn’t.  Dr Tara J. Palmatier, PsyD, a psychologist and owner of the Shrink for Men site believes that abusive women use the same techniques as those who recruit people into cults.

Most women do not physically attack men, although I will admit to knowing a few who do which may show my hillbilly roots.  Abusive women employ mental games to twist reality the same as those who brainwash people into cults. Whom do abusive women and cult recruiters want? A kind, trusting, eager to please man who is smart and talented is the preferred target. This person gets something down off the high shelf in the grocery for the little old lady. Qualities such as generosity and being self-reflective are good too. The desire to not hurt or offend, avoiding all conflict will be the coffin nail that seals a man into an abusive relationship.

When does the future abuser appear on the radar screen? They may have been in your vicinity for a long time. That’s why they know you’ll be easy. It also creates a false sense of trust. They may have witnessed you suffering through a number of abusive relationships. You may accidentally include code words on your dating profile. If you’ve stated you don’t like game players, cheaters, or liars, you’ve just told the trolling female you’ve been played successfully a number of times. They swear to play you better than your previous girlfriends. They show up when you’re vulnerable. It could be a recent break up, a death in the family or death of a pet, a job loss or even a new job. Anytime you exhibit weakness, they show up. Cults find great success with kids going off to college or new arrivals in town.  First, it starts with the love bombing.

Cult members canvas colleges, loiter near bus or train stations to spot the clueless individuals. They really do give assistance from carrying the target’s bags to introducing them to  more cult members. They invite the target to lunch, to the movies, and to meet more of their cult friends. This relationship goes on for weeks. This is the love bombing time. The cult members create a need for their company. To be successful, they have to cut off all other influences or contacts. Keep the target busy every night with cult members. They discourage contact with others with subtle or disingenuous comments, hinting that those other folks at campus might be harmful.

    The abusive woman uses the same technique. She plays to the man’s ego telling him she has to be near him all the time. Anxious for companionship and a self-esteem boost he accepts her constant attention without question.  She is only checking out his perimeters to see what needs to be tightened. While she’s assuring him he’s the one for him, she’s also prying into his life. What group of people does he interact with that might discourage their relationship? His family, friends, or co-workers, or is there a troublesome ex that she needs to shield him from? During this honeymoon period she plants the seeds. Why do you need to hang out with the guys when it makes me so sad and lonely? Not only is the man vulnerable, he’s also in a lust-dazed stupor. Even though he’s only known her weeks, she begins to question his children’s visits as a sign he doesn’t love her. What she really wants to put a stop to is anything that takes the focus off her.  She subtly criticizes his family and co-workers, negating their credibility. Suddenly, the man finds himself isolated from everyone else in his world. Even when he is at work, she calls, emails, or consistently texts exercising her control over him. If he thought for a moment to think outside of her box, she recalls him with ties of obligation, guilt, or even fear.

This woman plays her man expertly. Whenever he dares to question the nature of their relationship, she dissolves into tears, claims God or fate brought them together, threatens to leave while giving a dire scenario that has her begging for bread in the street, then threatens him with he’ll never get a woman as good as her because he’s a loser.  She managed to change the subject, while delving into his dependency issues, his gullibility, and his search for a higher purpose. Maybe he is supposed to support this woman and her children, at the expense of his own life and livelihood. That would make him a regular saint. The woman has now accomplished four of six steps of brain washing.

Some men might argue that the new girlfriend or wife had moments when she’s nice, surprising him with gifts, dinner, or sex. Of course, she does. Abusive husbands do the same thing, as do cults when they see the member began to doubt or start to pull away. This system of awards and punishments changes over time to be much less reward and much more punishment. Often the abusive wife never delivers on the reward. She only offers the promise of it, which seems to work.

The last step of brainwashing is a verbal mind game worthy of Joseph Goebbels, a henchman in the Nazi Regime. He based the whole Fascist message on repeating lies long enough that people began to believe it was the truth. The abusive wife will say how mean you are. She’ll tell you how much she does for you. Eventually you begin to believe it. When she says something, that’s it. You’re not allowed to dispute it. Eventually a non-confrontational man gives in. A confrontational man would help the woman out of the house the first time he suspected something awry. That’s why she never wanted one of those.

You might be living in a fog. Do you spend time with anyone else besides the woman or her friends, or relatives?  Keep in mind they are all in her cult. Going to church doesn’t count either; often she’ll use religion to get you to jump through her hoops. Do you ever do anything you want to do? Does she ask what your dreams are and how she can make them happen? Do you see any of your old friends with or without her? Do you pursue hobbies you like on your own? If you answer no to any of these questions, it’s a real possibility you’re in a fog. If you answer no to all of them, get out fast. Make sure to check out Dr.Tara’s site where you’ll find men going through the same struggles you are.

Friday, September 7, 2012

Breaking the "Another You" Habit

John Mayer croons beautifully on his song ‘Another You’ detailing the heartbreak of being tossed aside. He goes on to declare that he’ll find someone just like the woman who dumped him with the exception she’ll be twice as cute.  Adele tells her former boyfriend in the popular ‘Someone Like You’ song that she still misses him, thinks about him all the time, and will find someone just like him. Adele and John will probably find someone exactly like their previous lovers, and that will be a mistake. Think for a moment. There was something there that caused them to break up. Apparently, the lover thought it was in them. If they insisted on going with the same type of person, isn’t it inevitable that it will happen again?

Einstein, considered one of the smartest men who ever lived stated that “Insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.” Why do we this then? Better yet, how can we stop? Dating someone who looks different than your previous lover doesn’t mean you’ve really moved on as far as the type of guy. Trust me, I’ve been guilty of that too. I do a post analysis of the breakup. Only to realize, I had the exact same problem in a different package. I read self-help books, and even sought counseling, which helped some. I was still picking out emotional bullies with narcissistic traits. Why?

They seemed rather like nice guys at first because they told me how special I was.  I was, for a short time, since a narcissist believes he is entitled to the best. Over months, I noticed we never did anything I wanted to do. If I had problems, he didn’t want to listen to them. Even tears had no effect because narcissists have no empathy. Are you dating a narcissist? Here’s a short checklist.

* No empathy-he not only doesn’t want to hear about your boss cussing you out, he doesn’t care either.

*Expects special treatment- His wants trump everyone else’s. He sees absolutely nothing wrong with this. He’ll keep the waitress hopping bringing him additional condiments.

*Feeling of entitlement-People should do stuff for him. I usually blame this on his mother who thought her son was so much better than other children. He believes it.

*Inability to admit that he or she is wrong- It doesn’t work to use reference books, experts or websites to show his error, he’ll only claim they’re wrong.

*Inability to receive criticism- You won’t make the mistake of criticizing him more than once.

*Unexpected, irrational strong bursts of rage- This may be due to criticism, not receiving his special treatment, or perceived victimization.

*Does not react to tears-If  the other person starts crying due to the cruel behavior of the narcissist, he’ll yell at her to stop, even stomp out of the room. Simply ignoring her tears is another response.

*Perceives oneself as omnipotent, superior individual-he is so much better than everyone. He often enjoys ridiculing others, especially those in authority. He could do things so much better.

*Strong need for admiration-Simply put, he needs all the attention all the time. He is a social animal, often the life of the party. He needs to have all eyes on him. He usually makes it happen too. He also likes to perform favors or services in the public eye to receive admiration. This guy will never do anything anonymously or for the common good.

*Is often envious and mocks other people (often behind their back.) He feels other people’s good fortune or honors belong to him.

*When you meet him—you’re wonderful. He’s in love. He can’t spend enough time with you. As the relationship develops, his attention drops off, as does your wonderfulness. He often turns cold, uncaring and cruel, making you wonder why he even married you. Never make the mistake of expecting compliments, praise, or support from him.

*Is often untruthful and as no comprehension of fairness-he lies about things because he doesn’t want any negative feedback about his actions. He’ll often break the family budget buying big ticket items because he’s entitled. 

*Double standards: A narcissist can be king or queen of the double standard. He buys a new car on impulse because he deserves it. His spouse may do the same thing after careful consideration only to be declared a selfish, greedy person out to ruin the entire family. These standards apply to everything.  A good example of this is the governor who used public funds to romance a South American cutie. He told the state and his wife that he was in love…he thought that was a good enough reason because he’s narcissist.

Looking back, I can see a narcissistic man draws people to him. He works on this ability because he needs attention. He views himself as superior, so being by his side elevates you too. He tells you that you are lucky to have him, and at first, you believe.

You may be living with a narcissist right now. It is a cold relationship. You’ll seldom do things together unless you’re doing what he wants to do. He doesn’t understand compromise. If made or maneuvered to do something he doesn’t want to do such as visit your family, he’ll pout through the whole visit. He wants everyone to know he’s not pleased because everyone should be catering to him.

How did I get out of dating the same type of man? It wasn’t easy. Narcissists will approach you faster since they believe they are so superior. This time I stopped dating the guy when I saw the characteristics start emerging, but even that is hard. A narcissist doesn’t deal well with breakup. My experience is they refuse to accept it, and try to continue the relationship. Changing phone numbers, even moving is helpful. If they want to end the relationship—that’s a different story.

I looked for the opposite of a narcissist, someone who didn’t need to be the life of a party. Think twice before you hook up with one of these guys or gals. If you think your dating a clone of your old lover, you are. Expect the same results too.

Tuesday, September 4, 2012

Fashion Trends Women Don't like

Do you wonder why this guy's face is blurred out? He is guilty of three things women don't like to see on men, or at least on men they'd want to date.

The below results are based are a number of polls conducted mainly on United States women, although a few Canadians and Brits slipped in too. Your woman may adore the way you dress. Then again she might be just saying that in a sarcastic tone, and you’re not getting it.

Mesh Shirts-this is not a shirt. It serves no purpose. Only male models look good in this, and only on the pages of a magazine.

Speedos- should only be worn by Olympic swimmers. They are the equivalent of a car wreck.  So horrible you have to look.

Short shorts-it just looks awkward. It is dated too. Looks like you should be on RENO 911.

Socks with sandals-it is the grandpa look. Most women don’t want to date their grandfather.

Too many logos—it is like walking beside a billboard.

Sideways ball cap-not cool, not adult, go head out to the playground and play with the other boys with their sideways caps on.

Baseball cap—this is okay at sporting events. golf, outside activities, but not inside. Never mind the hair, if you’re bald or have a receding hairline the woman has already figured it out. 

Sagging pants-refer back to sideways ball cap.

Murses/Fanny packs-fanny packs are not flattering on anyone. They just negate the masculine quotient of any man.

Skinny jeans—guys if you’re able to fit into skinny jeans you just have chicken legs, and a strange desire to look like your girlfriend.

The comb over-Does anyone actually think Donald Trump’s comb over look good? Now ask a woman what she thinks.

The Mullet- the mullet is one of those things that is ridiculed for a reason. It also causes people to stereotype you.

Pinky rings— Who wears them anyhow, besides pimps, lounge lizards, and men who considered themselves a player? No one else considers them players.

Sunglasses at night/sunglasses inside-maybe you think the sunglasses make you look cool, worn at the wrong time you just look foolish.

Age Inappropriate Clothes-A fortyish man sporting a wifebeater and ripped jeans just looks pathetic; however, the same man dressing in grandpa jeans and a comfy flannel shirt won’t earn him any extra looks either.

Too Long fingernails-only two reasons for long nails, failure to practice good hygiene or playing the classical guitar. Classical guitarist can sport long nails; they may have to explain why though.

Lack of personal hygiene-no one likes body odor, stringy hair or stained clothes. The woman who said she did was either drunk or sarcastic.

Stale cigarette smoke smell-even smokers are put off by it, although they should be somewhat immune to it.

High heels-okay you’re short. The woman knows it already. Forget the lifts and elevator shoes. The only exception to this is the cowboy or motorcycle boot with a moderate heel.

Thematic clothing-your date doesn’t want to been see with a man dressed like a Klingon unless you’re at a Star Trek convention.

Too tight clothing-did you have to inhale to zip up your pants? If you did, they are too tight. Tight t-shirts don’t really show off your pecs, they tend to show off your belly more, not an attractive look.

The unbuttoned shirt-this may be popular in advertisements and movies, but the sad truth is there are only about a dozen men who can rock this look.

Too much jewelry-it is okay to have a single necklace, a watch, a ring or two, but much more is crossing the line. Women will accept a hemp anklet better than they will accept a bracelet.

On your first date, try to be middle of the road. Once you get a feel for who she is then maybe you can break out the kilt or the caftan.