Thursday, December 26, 2013

How Men Manipulate Women

Truthfully men don’t play as many games as women do as far as manipulation, but the ones they do use work.

1.                      They point out the woman’s flaws - The remarks can be subtle, such as comments about clothes being too tight or hair being messy.
2.                      They make remarks about other women’s attributes - This has a three-fold purpose including jealousy, meanness, and hoping to motivate you to look more like the woman in question.
3.                      The man will blow hot and cold similar to a hormonal teen - This is deliberate manipulation on his part. You suggest a movie or restaurant you’d like to go to. At first, he appears cool with the idea, but then he begins to point out reasons why it wouldn’t be a good deal. The cool part is the real him. His behavior is to make you decide not to go to the desired place. The choice is yours, but it really isn’t. Most women will cave to make their guy happy.
4.                      He stops courting you - Here you thought everything was going fine and he has disappeared off the radar. Truth is he’s re-evaluating the relationship. He might think things are going too fast.  A needy woman will call, text, and message at this time, confirming the man’s original doubts.
5.                      He’ll claim he doesn’t get enough personal time in the relationship - It is usually the excuse men go to when they feel smothered in a relationship. It is rather a nebulous thing that’s hard to pin down if your man gets enough time. If you feel like you’re in a non-relationship, then he’s getting more than enough time.
6.                      He refuses to tell you where he’s been.
7.                      He pretends to care about a woman to get laid. (Bet this one was a shocker.)
8.                      Spontaneity or the just thinking of you excuse - This is what they call it when they show up at two in the morning for a booty call. This is also when they call an hour before an event. What this really translates to is someone else cancelled on them.
9.                      The Substitute - This is where you think you’re in a relationship, but the guy is waiting for the real thing to come along. You’re not it. How do you know you’re a substitute? He never posts on social media he’s in a relationship. He’s never introduced you to his friends or family.
10.                  The break-up game - This includes breaking up around the time things occur he doesn’t want to deal with, from holidays to weddings. While most couples will break up once, if you’ve encountered several break-ups, then it’s time to get a clue.

I imagine there are more games, but these are the most common. You can refuse to play along with his games. If you want to go somewhere and he doesn’t, go alone or call up a friend. This immediately takes the burden off of him to accompany you. Some women might complain that it allows the man to escape from social obligations. Maybe, but wouldn’t you rather have a good time as opposed to listen to him carp?

People don’t always have to like the same things. It’s okay to disagree and do things on your own too. It’s when you find yourself doing everything on your own or enjoying it more when your guy isn’t around that you might want to re-evaluate the relationship.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

Why Christmas Gift Giving Scares Men

The wrong gift can spell disaster

If you’re a man, you might start getting nervous because of the holiday decorations on light poles, Christmas trees in stores, and gift commercials on television. If you are married, in a relationship, or just dating, your significant will expect a gift or probably gifts. You have a higher than 50% chance of screwing this up. Men break up before the holidays just to avoid this torture.  Don't despair, I am here to help. Why is the gift so important?

Answers may vary according to women.
What Your Gift Means
1. It shows how important the woman is in your life.
If you made the mistake of popping into a store on Christmas Eve and grabbing some prepackaged gift set, she will realize she isn’t important at all.
2. It demonstrates where the relationship is going.
Often women in relationships expect a ring at Christmas.
3. Your gift shows how well you know your beloved.
Yes, you are supposed to magically know what she wants. Failure to know shows you never loved her. Those in long-term relationships will get hints.

With all this said, you might fall prey to a commercial that tells you a woman wants diamonds. You go out and drop a bundle only to be told that diamonds represent death and oppression of those who mine them. Here are gifts not to give. This list came from a bunch of angry women.

What Not To Buy
1.       Any item used for cleaning. No vacuums, no carpet cleaners, and definitely no mops or buckets.
2.       Cookware (exception: a chef or gourmet cook may actually want the $200 blender or mixer, but can’t rationalize paying that much.)
3.       Something the man wants or will use. That reciprocating saw might come in handy when you’re building a new bedroom.
4.       Workout videos, weight sets, gym membership, which all imply a need to get in shape.
5.       Sexy Santa lingerie
6.       Electric razors
7.       Christmas-themed clothing. Even if she pretends to like it, she can only wear it once a year.
8.       Animal slippers
9.       Shaping jeans. It’s okay if the woman buys these herself.
10.   Plastic surgery. Imagine the conversation at work after the holidays. What did your sweetie get you?
11.   Fake designer handbags. It’s okay if she buys it herself.
12.   Leggings-one size does not fit all. Those clothing tags lie.
13.   Shaping underwear-nothing says unhappy holidays like Spanx under the tree.
14.   Anything linked with 50 Shades of Grey is never a desired gift.
So what does your sweetie want?  Most women will take pity on their husbands or boyfriends and tell them out right what they want. Others give hints. Pay attention, she might be dropping hints even now. If unsure, ask.  Always save the receipt. What one woman likes, another won’t. Don’t assume if your last girlfriend wanted Obsession perfume that she will too. Don’t compound the problem by mentioning that your former sweetie loved it.

Holiday Gift Ideas
1.       A night out on the town, especially to a restaurant or a movie she has talked up. Yes, you can wrap this in a box. Print out the reservations and put it in a decorative box.
2.       A spa certificate to a place she likes. However, this isn’t the time to try out a spa called Oriental Delite.
3.       Sentimental gifts-has she been wanting a string of pearls just like grandma’s?
4.       Coffee—was a suggestion in a magazine. I don’t drink coffee so it would bomb with me.
5.       The newest book by her favorite author. Check to see if she has it first. If you could get it signed that would be even better.
6.       Vacation- who couldn’t use one in the dead of winter? Remember this is her gift.  A golf resort may not be her dream trip.

Ask. If she tells you she doesn’t need anything, make outrageous suggestions about what you might buy instead.

Remember to tell her how much you love her. That’s what the gifts are supposed to say. Often, it's very sweet to make her something too. One of my most treasured gifts is a poem my husband wrote for me. Good luck.

This gift will not help your relationship
Ignore the commercials.

Friday, December 6, 2013

Men: Are You Scaring Off Your Dates?

Look Familiar?

Getting the first date isn’t that hard, especially if you’re online. Besides, you’ve probably already heard about the women who only go out on first dates to score meals. You might hook up with one of these. She’s very particular about what restaurants she wants to go to and it's not going to be cheap. She eats all her food, or boxes up her meal to go. Sometimes she spends more time communicating with her phone than you. If she doesn’t want to see you again, that’s no real loss.

What if you met a woman, you picked the restaurant, and it seemed liked you clicked, but no second date materialized. What now?

It could be her, not you. She could be trying out a number of men and someone suited her better than you did. She may have gone back to her ex or husband. There could have been something about you that reminded her of her ex. Then again, it might have been you.

Things that Kill the Possibility of Getting a Second Date
1.       Compliment Overkill- women like compliments, but too many sound insincere. They are well aware that they aren’t wonderful at everything. Three compliments is a good number, one at the start, middle, and end usually works.

2.       Bursting their Personal Bubble-this is a guy who breaks the two feet space boundary immediately. Take a cue from your date.  Some people are more standoffish than others are. It isn't necessarily a good idea to kiss or hug your date on introduction. They probably won’t tell you it makes them uncomfortable, but it could nix a future pairing.

3.       Being Mr. Somber certainly brings down a date.  You may not be a naturally jovial guy, but find a few light hearted topics.

4.       Keep your quirky interests hidden on the first couple of dates. Women are trying to decide if they want to see you again. Your desire to visit old graveyards stirs up memories of old horror movies.

5.       Don’t show off. Some men make the mistake of thinking a date is a job interview and promote themselves endlessly. Unfortunately, this makes you seem like a boring bag of hot air. It’s her job to ask you questions about you.

6.       Bad manners- I realize everyone was brought up differently, but keep a few no-no’s in mind. Don’t eat off her plate. Don’t talk with your mouth full. Tame the burping and farting. Be nice to service people. Don't text during your date either.

7.        Cheapskate-I do realize people are what they are, but excessive cheapness is a turnoff. First dates are not the place for coupon use or expecting to go Dutch.

8.       Don’t bring up sex on the first date-while you might expect sex to be part of your relationship, all she hears is it’s the only thing that matters to you.

9.       Being too needy-this is keeping up a barrage of calls and texts after one date.

Often you’ll never know why a woman refuses a second date. You’ve checked the list and found you aren’t guilty of any of the suspect behaviors. Let it go, not everyone belongs together. It's as simple as that.