Monday, March 25, 2013

Guys You'll Want to Overlook on Purpose

This guy on the left is probably an obvious do not date fellow, but not all are that easy to spot.

Sometimes after an excruciating horrible date, you might wonder was it me, or him.  See if you recognize any of your former dates.

1.       The Pig - He decides to share a pizza with you, but eats it all on his own. He also eats off your plate without your permission.

2.       The Family Date - This is where an individual tries to date members of the same family. You probably don’t know this until he calls you by your sister’s name.

3.       The Non-Talker - A person who answers questions with one word or maybe doesn’t answer at all. You can see why this won’t work.

4.       The Underachiever - This man brags about flunking out of school, outsmarting the law, and other delights that make you cringe in horror.

5.       The Evangelist - This man hopes to convert you to his religion as opposed to a second date.

6.       The Audition - This happens when your date in an actor or comedian and decides a date is a good time to run material.

7.       The Dare Date - This date seems like a two hour long game of truth or dare where your date either dares you or himself to chug a yard of beer or swallow a dollop of wasabi.

8.       My Life is Crap date - This man tells you his specific tale of woe including excerpts featuring his ex.

9.       The Drunk Date - Of course, you didn’t know he was a drinker until you went out. He’s not getting better.

10.   Dinner and Drinks without the Dinner - This man asks you to dinner, starts with drinks, but decides somewhere you don’t merit dinner.

11.   The Professor - Your college professor seems appealing because he is in a position of authority. Often, many use that position to fool around with the students.

12.   Biker Guy - Unless you are a biker girl then a biker guy isn’t for you. This is different from a guy who owns a motorcycle and rides it on nice days.

13.   The Heavily Chaperoned Dates With Parents - Are you two part of arranged marriage planning?

14.   No Cash Guy - he makes the date and forgets his wallet. Did you forget your wallet? I bet you didn’t.

15.   The Body Odor Fellow - Did you meet him after a tennis match? If not, realize hygiene isn’t a priority for him.

16.   The Stalker Date - This is the man you went out with once, but you didn’t click. However, that doesn’t stop him from showing up at your job or home. (This is why women should initially meet their date in a public venue as opposed to having him come to the house.)

17.   The Crying Male - Women say they want sensitive men, but men crying buckets at movies does not impress.

18.   The Opposite Fellow - This man stands for everything you’re not. He sounds interesting at first, but doesn’t work out.

19.   The Involved Man - This is man already has a wife, fiancĂ©e or sweetheart.

20.   The Frat Boy - The issue is his college days are far behind him, but he still acts as if he’s auditioning for a remake of Animal House.

21.   The Rude or Angry Man - He takes offense with everyone, drives aggressively, picks fights with strangers and the wait staff. Find another way to get home.

22.   Fantasy Role Player - This is a man who thinks he’s a vampire, gladiator, or another mythical creature. He takes his role playing  very seriously.

23.   The Popular Man - He seems to have women commenting all the time on his social media. He also takes texts from other women while you are out.

24.   Still Lives At Home Man - This is wrong on so many levels. He isn’t ready for a relationship despite his age.

25.   The Plate Splitter - This is the man who wants to order one plate, and then split it. This might be okay in established relationships, but not a first date.


Even though this list features guys you don’t want to date, plenty of women have the same bad habits. Everyone has a dating story that features a bad date. Some of these fellows starred in the tales.

Monday, March 18, 2013

Dating Fatigue

What is it and why is it dangerous? I was reading a blog written by a woman dating multiple men. It sounded more as if she went out on a series of first dates. Her main complaint was that she was so tired of dressing up and being charming that dating had lost its appeal. How often could she tell her life story and pretend to be fascinating? She concluded that the men she went out with were average fellows with no obvious weirdness, but she couldn’t get excited about any of them. That woman needed a break. There was no way she’d find that special someone when she treated each one like a visit to the dentist. People give back the energy you send to them.

 The problem she wrestled with was time. Many people worry that they are missing out on meeting that special someone. It could be because they feel their biological clock is ticking, and it just isn’t the baby clock either. Most online daters are in their fifties. They feel like time is running out for them to find someone to make the remaining years special. One fiftyish man on a Huffington Post interview admitted he only wanted to go with young babes because women his age had lost the dream. I think they had the dream stolen from them. The one where they would grow old with their beloved spouse. If it isn’t enough to wrestle with daily stresses of family, work, and money, then throw in menopause and dating. That’s enough to make a woman consider the act of dating exhausting.

The single mother has extreme issues with dating fatigue. It is so much work to get a dependable setter. Often the father doesn’t take the kids on his allotted weekend or wants to switch them, throwing a wrench into her dating plans. Often the custodial mother resents her ex’s ability to move on and date a variety of women while she juggles childcare and work. It is hard to meet men, let alone be able to follow it up with a regular relationship while attempting to keep the kids out of it. Nothing kills a budding relationship like demanding children. Often this makes the young mother make bad decisions, from affairs with married men, to jumping in a relationship with the wrong guy. All she knows is she wants things to be easier. Often it is easier to marry a willing man rather than shop around for the right man. After all, dating with children is often the equivalent of training for a marathon. There seems to be no end in sight.

One woman in her forties wrote in for online dating advice. She’d dated a variety of men and had several relationships with bad boys who cheated on her. She decided that all men were alike. Her solution was to hook up with one of her exes and reform him into the ideal husband. Anyone out there screaming, “Are you kidding?” It made sense to her because she was tired of dating. Well, her plan will never work. People can’t change other people. Sometimes they pretend to change to please the other person until they can’t take it anymore, then they leave. Her real issue is the type of men she is chasing.

It is difficult to admit that going out night after night gets old. Your married friends may envy you seeing the latest movies and going to premiere restaurants. It seems wrong to complain. It is okay to want to stay home in your jammies and watch sappy movies. It is also okay to take a break. You don’t need anyone’s permission. If you are turning dates aside, just say no, don’t make up stupid excuses. Your potential date will smell the lie. Don’t assume an air of desperation that you have to accept every date or you will end up alone. Decide to do things you want to do. Something unusual might happen--not only will you get your second wind, you might also meet someone when you aren’t trying.

Always keep in mind when dating-it is much worse to be in a bad relationship than to be alone. A bad relationship can destroy both your self-esteem and credit rating. A cheating companion can pass on diseases while swearing he loves only you. A demanding or mentally unbalanced mate can destroy your mental health and credibility. A controlling romantic partner will dictate what hobbies and friends you can have. A superficial lover will always find ways to find you lacking due to your appearance, weight, or bedroom performance. Then there is the addicted sweetie who rationalizes his abusive treatment, blaming it on the alcohol or drugs. If you are putting up with any of these behaviors, then you definitely need a break. So take one.

Sunday, March 10, 2013

Common Online Dating Mistakes

When I started looking at Common Dating Mistakes, I kept hearing the word “Zoosk”. Zoosk is a Facebook app that allowed Facebook followers to meet for free. It does not screen out inappropriate people the way other services did. It is full of bogus profiles because the service appears to be rather popular with the younger set that have no intention of meeting, but rather enjoy interacting online. Now it runs $30 for a membership. The comments from members were difficult to read due to inability to write well, and others were just spam. Zoosk might be just another dating site mistake, but what mistakes do men and women make?

Ladies, the cleavage baring shots might get you a date, but that’s only because they think you’re offering. Men who are interested in a relationship do not want a woman who dresses like a skank, but men interested in a one night stand do. What message do your pictures give?

Despite buying a pricey online dating membership, you’re still spending nights watching reruns. You might be waiting for Prince Charming to contact you. It doesn’t hurt to wink online, it is flirty, but doesn’t come on too strong. Are you not winking because you can’t find any six foot guys with a full head of hair?

On a matchmaker site that promises to match you up to your perfect match, I noticed the wedding photos featured average looking grooms. Some were short, a few had receding hairlines, another few had large noses, and one carried some extra weight. The women were head over heels in love because they were able to find their match when they gave up the male model ideal. Give shorter and hair challenged men a chance.

Women often lie about their age in profiles. It will come out eventually, maybe inadvertently, but then it just makes you a liar. If you are afraid a man might not go out with you because you’re older, lying doesn’t change his attitude. It only delays the inevitable dumping.

Men make major online dating mistakes too. The bathroom mirror photo is probably one of the most glaring. Have your friends or relatives take your photos, or pop into an Olan Mills or department store photo studio for a decent photo.

Some guys will complain they’re no poet or writer. Their misspelled words, poor grammar and sentence construction demonstrate this. Please check your profile for mistakes and reread your emails before pushing send. You need to include a question to give the woman a reason to respond. Saying you got her email will not do it. This is your only chance to make a good impression.

Sometimes men have a list a yard long of deal breakers based on a previous relationship. The man’s ex was a brunette so he refuses to date any brunettes. Often this happens when a man insists on dating immediately after a breakup.

The man suggests a date. It can be anything from coffee to a walk in the park. A man should always pay on the first date, unless the woman arm wrestles him for the right. If a man doesn’t pay, he is almost written off as cheap or rude, especially with women over thirty. As a relationship progresses, there can be trade off on expenses.

Sometimes, the date went well. You both seemed to click, but the guy fails to close the deal. He may have read somewhere to play it cool and not to call for a few days or even a week. This would be a huge mistake. Most women who still will go out with a man after such disrespect are needy. Call within twenty-four hours. Text to say you had a great time. Leave the response up to her, don’t keep texting.

Don’t mention your ex on a date. Sounds like stupid advice, but plenty of people chatter on about their ex.  Badmouthing your ex will not make your date feel good. She may have only caught the word model when you described how bad she was. It also makes you sound bitter and disagreeable. Isn’t a date to learn more about each other? Talking about failed relationships makes you sound like a loser.

I often wonder if online dating is about us trying to cull out all the unsuitable prospects. In what we now refer to as classic or traditional dating, we often go out with people we  know little about, and discover who they are through dating. Online dating tends to make us over analytical, trying to read meaning into badly lit photos, profile descriptions or even a misspelled word.

It would be wonderful if we could pick out a soul mate as if picking out paint chips. Often the one that you thought was best proves different in person. Sometimes, we are too quick to reject people without giving them a fair shot. An average person makes a mental decision if they are attracted to a person in one second. Ironically, the person they thought was originally hot begins to cool once they get to know him or her better.

Monday, March 4, 2013


Has your online Romeo rejected you? Ever wonder why a person who you’ve never even met, let alone talked to, rejected you via online dating? Welcome to the weird and wonderful world of online dating. Before you become too excitable in your dislike, remember your luck in the smoky bar atmosphere where you shouted over the music. There was the hiking club, the astronomy group, and the singles travel cruise all guaranteed to help you meet a possible mate. They were all good things. You may have met a few people you thought had possibilities, until you found out they didn’t.

What’s with online date rejection before you even meet? How do you reject a person you never met? Aren’t online daters desperate lonely losers and online dating is their last chance? Well, you’d be wrong if you thought that. If you were under the impression, the people whose profiles you received would be extremely lucky to go out with you because they couldn’t do any better, then you’d be wrong again.

John M Grohol, PSYD, author of Who Uses Internet Dating discovered that online clientele tends to be more social than previously thought.  Consider how much courage it takes to meet new people night after night. The average age of an online dater is forty-eight--plenty of time to develop social skills. The Match and eHarmony users usually have high self-esteem and consider a romantic relationship an important part of their life. A person with low esteem won’t participate in online dating or discontinues after one or two rejections.

Why do potential dates never respond to your initial inquiry? This is the main complaint from folks who purchased online dating services.  They might be flooded with dozens of profiles, but few actually answer inquiries. One reason is their account isn’t active. All dating sites keep inactive members  to plump up membership numbers. They also do it to encourage the inactive members back. The inactive member gets an email occasionally that twenty women are interested in him. It works many times, but usually if the person is in a relationship, he ignores the message.

If the account is active and the intended person does get your wink or questions then why doesn’t he or she answer? did a survey to come up with answers.  Many men complained of bad teeth, hair and grammar. There is probably not a lot you are going to do about your teeth, unless you whiten them. Men, even back 150 years ago, consider lack of abundant hair reason not to marry a woman. Men still prefer women with long hair. They settle for clean, styled, and colored locks. Men do not want to date women with gray hair because it makes them look old.

 As for your grammar, take time when writing your profile and  emails to get it right. The man may not be looking for an English teacher, but he wants to feel that he is important enough that you will take time to draft a decent response. Wouldn’t you do this for the love of your life?

Debt is another tricky issue. Both sexes refuse to consider relationships with people who have over $5000 in debt or major school loans. The result is if things work out, then his debt will be your debt. It is best not to get started if the person has overwhelming debt. How this is found out before dating boggles the mind.

Distance is an issue for both men and women. Three hours seems to be the limit. Employed people do not have time to drive six hours round trip, so after they Mapquest a distance, and find it is too far away they may just delete your profile. It is hard to know when people don’t tell you. If you aren’t even up to exchanging emails you can’t really tell the person why you aren’t seeing them.

Your photos might be turning people off, and not for the usual reasons. If you are holding onto a drink, or a beer bottle in any of the pictures, you are an alcoholic. Women tend to assume this more than men. If you’re a woman and you’re shown drinking, then it is assumed you are a party girl who will be out every night. The quiet astronomer or high earning engineer will delete your profile immediately. Some people do not get the courtesy of a hello because they are too good looking. Yes, you heard me right. Too good looking is now a pitfall. People assume you will be a cheater. If you sexed up the pictures with bikini or cleavage shots, then that shows your cheating nature too.

Ironically, in the same Match survey why people reject dates also considers being a virgin a liability too. When you consider the average age is 48, it makes sense. More women than men considered low sex drive and poor bed performance as deal breakers. This explains some of those stilted leading questions.

Often after the initial date, the person refuses to respond, let alone initiate a second date or will not agree to another date. What went wrong? A whopping 67% of online daters named poor hygiene as a date stopper. Interestingly, the second deal breaker was laziness. If the man or woman thought their date was lazy, then they would refuse to pursue a relationship.

These are some of the top reasons a person might ignore you. Unfortunately, the online dating formats no longer support a way to respond why you choose not to respond to someone.  It could be a variety of things from developing a relationship with someone else, to not being interested in a relationship at this time, or even resemblance to an ex. In the end, you probably can do nothing without knowing, but it might be wise to check your grammar and your hygiene, and your profile photos.