Sunday, July 27, 2014

The Impact Dating App Lulu Has on Men

Now any man over seventeen can sign up to be on Lulu, a date review application. It used to be any woman could put a man on it without his consent. The benefit to men is to meet more women and network the dating scene. At least that is what men think. It would allow tons of available women to see what a wonderful catch the man is. Women can even recommend men to girlfriends, rather like books or movies.

Originally, the men had no chance to read reviews the women posted about them. How would you feel if you knew people were discussing your manners, your hairstyle, even your kissing ability? Well, apparently most men who signed up for Lulu wanted to know what was being said about them.

The app was supposed to be a type of gossipy social network just between us girls. The ad for Lulu calls it a Tool To Help Girls. In fact, it always used the term ‘girls’ as opposed to women. Girls can be silly and not held responsible for their actions. That’s why we refer to irresponsible men as boys.

Women can sign on after an initial date and complete an interview. The resulting ‘review’ is full of hashtags or summaries of the man including items such as #bigfeet #opensdoors #boring #onetrackmind #germaphobe #questionablesearchhistory and the like. The women don’t make these hashtags, a program does. If a woman admits she saw the man wash his hands, he can end up either with the hashtag #clean or #germaphobe.

It’s hard to believe a person could be reduced to a number of hashtags. What if the hashtags aren’t correct? One woman might comment her date had bad breath after eating Italian food. Now his rating includes hashtag #stinkybreath.

If you’ve been on Yelp, you know only three types of people leave reviews. The first are those who are acquainted with the business/person. A mother, sister, or female co-worker could rate a guy. How many men want to beg their friends to do this? Can they trust their co-worker not to mention annoying habits? What if a younger sister thinks it’s funny to rate him a dud in bed? So many things can go wrong in this scenario.

The second reviewer is the most common, the unhappy one. I recently went to a wonderful restaurant one man trashed on several review sites because his wife found dark meat in her chicken and noodles. Seems a silly reason to trash a restaurant. Men on Lulu received defamatory hashtags for less horrific things.

The third reviewer is someone who is very happy with the experience. If a woman finds a wonderful man, while she might brag to her girlfriends, would she really rate him on a social media app, well aware other women would read the review and be interested in him? Of course not. She’d want to keep the man to herself.

The ratings are anonymous and could possibly be only one woman’s opinion. The woman didn't even feel like going out on a date, but she did. George Clooney probably wouldn't had made a good impression. Feeling vindictive at men in general, she picks the man apart on the app. We can all accept that different people attract different people, but being different isn't wrong unless you're being rated on Lulu. Wealthy or rock star handsome men received higher ratings. No big surprise there. What is surprising that some women will rate a man they like negatively. It's to keep the competition away. It also makes the man more appreciative of a woman who actually admires him unaware she was the one who trashed his rep in the first place.

In the end, I think it still comes down to trusting your own opinion as opposed to an anonymous woman who may or may not have gone out with the man that you’re considering dating. 

Sunday, July 20, 2014

A Little Attention Please

Typical Date
There used to be a Paid Service Announcement about parents spending time with their children. According to the ad, children wanted your time not gadgets.  How does attention apply to dating and relationships?

We all want attention, even those who say they don’t. If you’re married or in a relationship and your companion ignores you, what do you have? Not much - you probably have a better relationship with your pet. Attention shows the other person that you care.  I recently had a spa service where the technician told me about her upcoming divorce in detail. The crux of the matter was the man, her soon to be ex, paid no attention to her. He came home from work and watched movies on his computer. The two of them weren’t even sitting together and watching television.

Women value attention. It’s simply another way of saying, “I love you.” Before you start grumbling about women being attention whores, don’t underestimate men’s need for recognition. Men adore women who listen.

European and Latin-American men have it all over Americans because they focus more on who they are with. This makes them more desirable in the dating game. Why not even the playing field?

1.       Unplug - When you’re out on a date with someone new or not new, don’t read texts or answer the phone. (Most items really can wait.)

2.       Eating in a restaurant - Don’t face the television or crane your head to watch television. Only in America do we have a television in almost every restaurant and bar. In other countries, people actually talk while dining.

3.       Call your date, don’t text - Texting is to convey simple messages such as running late. Hearing your voice deepens affection. If someone doesn’t want to hear your voice, then it’s a non-relationship.

4.       Turn down or off the television when your significant other or date is talking to you - This shows the other person that he or she is important.

5.       Do things without electronic media - Physical activities such as walking, biking, hiking, or canoeing allow you to talk, share, and focus on one another.

6.       Listen – Wait for a conversational lull to insert your answer, similar story, or platitude.

7.       Ask questions - This not only helps you learn more, but also shows you’re paying attention. The questions have to be relevant. If your date is talking about how she rescued baby ducks stranded in the road, an inquiry about any desire to travel to the moon won’t work.

8.       Eye Contact - If a person isn’t looking at you when you’re speaking, it is hard to know if he or she is paying attention. Eye contact is the non-verbal way of saying “you matter.”

9.       Non-verbal cues - This can be anything from a smile to a nod that signals your attention. Often when a man is interested in a woman he uses his body to block her from other men’s view. He’s saying this one is mine.

10.   Remember - It isn’t enough to hear what someone is saying, it’s also important to remember. A person scores major points if he or she remembers favorite foods, flowers, movie quotes, etc. This is another way of telling your date that he or she is important. This information can be used to plan future meetings or gifts too.

11.   Handwritten Notes - These are becoming so rare that they are almost like gold. The notes don’t have to be elaborate or even overly sentimental. It is a quick and unexpected reminder of your affection. (A text is nice, but it isn’t as tangible as a physical token.)

12.   Proximity - This can be tricky depending on where you are in the dating relationship. Plenty of couples at restaurants sit so far apart, that it looks like they’re not speaking. Scooting your chair closer, or leaning in your date’s direction shows interest. If your date steps away or begins leaning back, then you’re too close.

These are a few ways to show that special person that he or she matters. I’ve talked to dozens of people about first dates. One of the central themes for the lack of a second date was the belief that the date wasn’t interested. This could be true, but more likely the date didn’t convey interest appropriately. Both parties walked away thinking the other wasn’t interested. Something to consider.

Here's a video about a man who decided to give his girlfriend the time she needed.

Saturday, July 12, 2014

Conflicting Dating Messages

Someone did the numbers, there’s plenty of single people to go around dating-wise, except when you get to sixty, and older, then the women outnumber the men. Why are so many people home alone when they don’t want to be? Personally, I think it is conflicting messages.

Here’s just a few.

A random survey showed men photos of celebrities with and without their makeup. A large majority pick the sans makeup celebrity over 60% of the time. Consider that these are women who have professionals do their makeup. A little Photo Shopping may have helped too. The men complained about red lipstick and dark eye shadow being a turn-off. Okay, the message here is to go light on the makeup or no makeup at all.

Data from the online dating site, Zoosk, revealed the men message women wearing eye makeup more than any other ones. Those wearing lipstick were a close second. Women who went for the whole glam got more initial responses. The women who chose to go without makeup might have read the first part about men preferring a natural look. Plenty of articles out there about men preferring not to date done women. With complaints from the makeup getting on the men’s clothing to the red lipstick being scary.  What’s the deal here?

·         Men are liars.
·         Men like the idea of women glamming up for the initial photos. (They mistakenly think it is all for them. As opposed to the thousands who might see the photo.)
·         They believe celebrities look better w/o makeup than a normal woman would.
·         They can visualize themselves in an everyday relationship with a celebrity.
·         Different men were used in each survey
·         The Zoosk survey where the men wanted makeup focused on men in their 20’s & early 30’s. This age group is notoriously unsatisfied with their appearance. It’s no wonder they desired a woman glammed up. They may have viewed a done woman as a confident female. Of course, women know this isn’t true at all.

She's Hoping to Attract a Man Who Will Stick to Her
If you’re a celebrity watcher, the newest trend seems to be clothing that doesn’t really work as clothing allowing glimpses of underwear or even a person not wearing underwear. The wardrobe malfunctions are deliberate and often guarantee free publicity for weeks. Most of us don’t leave the house in a dress with a thigh-high slit sans undergarments. This info is more confusing than the makeup one was.

Online dating info reveals that women posed in provocative outfits do get more looks and responses. Before you strap on your bombshell bra and thong for a photo session. Read on.

·         Men are visual creatures. Of course, they look. They look at car wrecks and monster trucks too.
·         Often when they look, they are critical because they’ve seen too many air-brushed models
·         They assume women in super sexy outfits can be had on the first date or for the price of dinner.
·         Some men refuse to respond to such a woman because they’re shopping for a long-term relationship, not a one-night stand.
·         Other men may go out with cleavage flaunter, but will usually want her to dress more conservatively in public.

No matter what the celebs wear you have to consider your clothing blasts a message.  It is better to make sure you’re onboard with the message.

Actual Dating Profile Pics

 As for the duck lips or what women view as a sexy pout, no men found this attractive. It was usually viewed as a device for immature women who craved attention the way a caffeine junkie craves coffee. Read: high matienance.

There’s more mixed messages. I’ll save some for next time. If you’re wondering, the women send plenty of mixed messages too.

Sunday, July 6, 2014

The New Sexy

It is easy to assume most single people are looking for a supermodel type or someone with six-pack abs. If they had a brush with a financially unstable hottie, then probably not. Main Street’s recent article details how being good with money is the new sexy.

Women who require expensive dates and lavish presents resemble a bad investment. This is a sign of someone who will be financially irresponsible in a relationship.  There are other clues including impulse buys, buying items at peak prices, an excess of gadgets, clothes, and memberships that are never used. If a person is more about appearances than substance, expect financial hardship down the road.

Dates who brag about clubs they’re a member of or vacations at well-advertised resorts are all about appearances. This person will have little time or money to invest in a relationship because his or her goal is to be riding the latest trend.  Often they want to live like a celebrity on a non-celebrity paycheck. 

It’s hard to enjoy life when consumed with thoughts of how to pay your mortgage. If you have a date/companion who balks at an ordinary movie and dinner date to decrease your stress level, then you’ve encountered someone who doesn’t care about you. What you really have is someone who will leave you for someone who will spend more money.  This isn’t love, but more of a bidding war. Get out while you can.

It shouldn’t be too surprising that early disagreements about money are a predictor of a relationship failure. Couples with different financial backgrounds have trouble combining their views.  An adult from a wealthy or an indulgent family may buy big-ticket items willy-nilly without a thought to the combined finances.

Partners/Dates who are financially irresponsible often put a strain on the relationship. Sometimes they want the partner to bail them out from letting them move in or having them pay their charge card bills. Views regarding money shapes people’s financial outlook. Spending money can sometimes be a power trip for some people. Even if they are spending money that they don’t have.

 Most relationships end due to money problems or infidelity, sometimes both. It is no wonder that having experienced this type of financial trauma most people want to avoid it. Living within your means results in a happy, stable relationship as opposed to the unexpected surprise of one that careens out of control, wildly due to impulsive spending.

Men interviewed for the article explained that they found women with planned buying habits sexy. Saving for a purchase as opposed to buying on a whim is the new push-up bra. Looks are less important than previously thought. Sound money decisions makes a person more attractive. How important money decisions are also depends on age too.  Those thirty and over are tired of digging change out of the sofa for a drive-thru dinner. To avoid this scenario, they're willing to put more emphasis on financial stability than looks.

Chemistry still holds the number one place in choosing a mate, but financial acumen can create the spark. It’s something to think about.