Thursday, October 23, 2014

When Your Dating Profile Doesn’t Produce Results

The seventh season of The Big Bang Theory has Raj and Stuart creating dating profiles. Here’s a clip that highlights some of their issues. In real life, the actor who plays Raj is married to Miss India.

In the beginning, Raj struggles to take a decent photo of Stuart.  Your photos create a mental image of who you are. Whoever is looking at that photo will decide if you work enough to read your profile.

Smiling people are more attractive. It also makes you look younger, less solemn.  Taylor Marsh has an interesting twist on this in her online column. A person has to have joy in his or her life before making a profile. Hate your life or your job? It will come through in your photos and your profile. Going out on a date even with a nice person won’t solve anything. Make sure you have something good going on before composing that profile.

On a recent episode of Dr. Phil, Steve Harvey was on promoting his latest movie and dating site, Delightful. In case, you’re wondering Delightful is different in the aspect that people Skype each other before meeting in person avoiding the bad first date. Dr. Phil and Steve Harvey took the challenge of helping an attractive professional who could never get a second date.  They matched her with a handsome, articulate man. Later, they watched the film footage. The woman introduced herself, explained what she was a second grade teacher, and then launched into a ninety-minute litany of doom and gloom. She even managed to hit on her father’s house possibly catching on fire.

Being pretty didn’t outweigh the negative Nancy effect. Let’s face it; no one likes to be around a negative person. Stuart and Raj are both negative about their ability to attract women. Taylor Marsh points out that we’re often negative in our profiles without being aware of it. Little words give you away.

Don’t use hate, dislike, unemployed, illness, death, depressed, snob, and phobia. These words draw a picture of a whiny individual on his or her last legs, not a good dating prospect. Your profile should be upbeat, fun, and about you. Think of it as a commercial for you. Car commercials never point out a car will break down sometimes. They do. It’s a known, but mentioning it wouldn’t be good policy. Same with you, instead of mentioning you get blue in the winter, say you love summer and hanging out at the beach.

Online dating profile is a tricky thing. There are escort services and those in search of a meal ticket with very explicit profiles. Most women know this and don’t want to be confused with these individuals. Makes sense, but they boomerang the other way. Ms. Marsh points out that a woman should lead with her sensual side. Some people think that means putting up a cleavage revealing shot.

That would attract all the wrong types. Contrary to what you see on television, men aren’t looking for women with perfect bodies. They want someone who feels good about her body and is active. This doesn’t mean you’re an ultra-marathoner either. No matter what your age group, no one wants a rocking chair assignation.

Photos in form fitting clothing, even leggings, would work with no obvious display of skin. Full-length photos are necessary.  Some women shy away because they’re afraid a man won’t date them if they carry weight around their hips. Current photos winnow out this type. Do something active and preferably you love.  If you’ve never ridden a horse, sitting on one won’t work. Not only might you look terrified, but could attract someone who enjoys daily trail rides.

Make sure your profile includes activities that two people can do together. Sure, as a single, you sought out activities a loner could do, but it might be hard to interest a man in an evening filled with scrapbooking or playing with your adorable niece, or your cat, Mittens. These items shouldn’t be on your profile.

Finally, consider why you’d reject someone’s profile. Here’s my top five (in no particular order.)
1.       Mentions recent breakup or divorce. ( Not ready to date)
2.       Declares he’ll only date women of a certain size.
3.       Too far away.
4.       Displays bigotry.
5.       Too obsessive about one thing. (Ex: Running is my life. I couldn’t get through a day without running.)

In the end, you want to be confident, happy, and interesting. Keep in mind; you don’t want to date everyone. It’s okay if people pass you over. They weren’t your type.

If you’re on a niche dating site, the ones for people of a certain race, religion, or profession. They will not have as many people as the big sites do. While online dating introduced me to my forever love, there are scam artists out there. If it sounds like a con, then it is.  

Saturday, October 18, 2014

Can You Be The Perfect Woman?

Is This The Perfect Woman?

Buzzfeed made up an episode about the contradictory information men give on what makes up a perfect woman.  Here’s the video, which sounds a great deal like the Internet sites that promise to make you irresistible to men for 39.99.

A cute girl featured in the video is going to take the advice of average men.
1.       Men love women who look natural. Who hasn’t heard this one? Of course, they describe women made up as more attractive. No wonder the girl puts on more lipstick.

2.       She’s told to be flirty. Apparently, there’s a line between appropriate flirty and too much.

3.       Women are supposed to hang with the guys, act like guy friends, but not have guy friends.
(I don’t understand it either.)

4.       Men like women with a healthy appetite, but then they’re grossed out if you eat too much. Who defines what is too much? Some women aren’t even eating on dates, afraid they might cross that secret line.

5.       Be funny, but don’t act funny. (This assumes men and women find the same things funny. The girl doing impressions could be several women I know.)

6.       Laugh at his jokes, no matter how lame or dysfunctional. (Of course, this means you’ll have to do this as long as the two of you are connected. Scary.)

7.       Seem smart (Notice they didn’t say be smart.) Never act smarter than the guy. (Seriously, well this is a man’s version of a perfect woman.)

8.       She’s told to relax and be herself at the start of the video. By the end of the video, you realize there’s nothing real about her.

For all her jumping through hoops, she’s still rejected by an average guy. Has this ever happened to you? You did everything you thought would make someone happy and he still left you. Women who’ve undergone plastic surgery for demanding husbands are left more often than women who do nothing.

Over half of the United States adult population is single. With that in mind, probably someone’ll see you as perfect just the way you are.    

Can't wait to see their video about the perfect man.

Sunday, October 12, 2014

Breaking Up is Harder for the Nice Girl

Even though, I've used the scenario of a woman breaking up with a man. It can also be a man breaking up with a woman or a woman breaking up with another woman too. Using he or she all the time in a sentence gets awkward.

Have you come to the realization that man you only been out with a few times, isn’t the one for you. There’s also the possibility he hasn’t asked you out, but could. More likely, you’ve been dating for a while and you’re not becoming the couple you’d envisioned. Instead of doing things you both enjoy, it’s an all him relationship. You do what he wants to do and when he wants to do it. A visit to Dr. Phil will not cure you because he has no reason to change. Unfortunately, many men believe women are similar, which means the threats of you leaving, won’t change his behavior.

What if, you’re a non-confrontational person and can’t even get to the point of breaking up. It’s not that you don’t want too. You’re afraid of hurting his feelings or in my case; the man simply wouldn’t accept it. Here’s some tips for women who are much too nice to tell the guy to hit the road.

1. State your intentions and then leave. There’s no rebuttal. He doesn't get to plead, negotiate, or explain his side. Walk.

2. Be honest. The nice girl, which is what you are if you’re reading this, may have built up her date/man by saying she enjoyed being with him, what fun they had together, etc. He doesn’t know you have nothing in common and his jokes are lame.

3. Act bored. This probably won’t be hard to do if you already decided you don’t suit. No man wants to hang out with someone who finds him boring. This puts breaking up on him. Warning: he may decide to stick with a bored woman rather than being alone.

4. It’s all about your friends. Suddenly, you have no time for him because you have to go out with the girls, every night or at least whenever he wants to go out.

5. The boyfriend lie works best with guys you’ve only dated once or not at all. Men you’re already dating will accept that your ex is back in contact with you. After all, they’re dating you, why wouldn’t an ex want to see you. Keep in mind; this lie could be outed.

6. Hide from him on social media. Block him from seeing your messages or even if you’re online. He’ll get the message.

7. Avoid common places you used to go. If he knows your schedule, he’ll be waiting for you there.

8. Don’t take his calls, texts, or email. Any contact is encouragement.

9. Be seen with another man, even it is your cousin or your best friend’s brother.

In the end, you wonder why a man would want to go out with someone who wasn’t into him. Seriously, how long did you date after you realize it wasn’t working? People keep dating when it’s not working because they don’t see anyone better or they don’t want to be alone. Dating can be work and they’re not in the mood to start the cycle again. It could be the man is just as anxious to break up with you. With this in mind, honesty can be you best policy, but stay away from lame lines like, “We can still be friends.”