Friday, May 30, 2014

Eight Modern Rules for Dating

A recent article on Tango website revealed the eight modern rules to dating.
1.       Women want to pay according to the survey, 42% of women stated they’d pay the tab.
Really?  I find this hard to believe. Are they volunteering to pay the tab in order to get a date? Sharing the tab is an entirely different matter. Whoever pays for the date is in control of the date technically. This is a power switch because the woman wants to dictate the date.

Traditionally the man paid and planned the date. I ran this idea past a man to get the male POV. If he really wanted to go out with the woman, then it was okay. A woman he wasn’t sure about, he’d put it down to her being controlling and forget about her.

2.       Fifteen minutes is all it takes to decide if a person will work as a date. This means any time spent after the fifteen is a waste if the initial spark doesn’t occur.

I have to disagree. While, I liked my sweetie initially I wasn’t sure about continuing to see him until the third date. Dead certain by the fifth date. The first fifteen minutes of our initial date was spent ordering food. Is a person supposed to get up and leave after fifteen minutes making up an excuse about a sick pet?

3.       Don’t like your date for some reason, tell him.  Forget politeness, maybe your date isn’t picking up on that you don’t like him, share your feeling it will be a courtesy.

Disagree, dating is hard enough without receiving an immediate critique while on the date. Cutting the date short, a refusal of all future dates, refusing to accept a friend request or a thanks, but no thanks works better than a 10 things I hate about you list, especially in a public setting.

4.       Don’t go all the way on the first date or for several dates afterwards. There is no opportunity or reason to get to know each other. Often after the fateful one night stand, there are no future dates or they tend to resemble booty calls.

I agree with Tango.

5.       Follow up after a date is an expectation. Women usually like an immediate call or text by the next day. Men tend to wait three days as to not to appear too eager.  Lack of follow up indicates at least one person was not that impressed.

6.       Phone your date.  There’s a half dozen ways you can communicate with your date, but over 80% still prefer hearing your voice.

Agree. Each level from texting to status updates puts distance between people. Do you really want to share how you felt about your date with 300 online friends?

7.       When is the right time to FB your date? The younger the person the more likely they’d friend the date.

Keep in mind, how much of your love life you want to make public. One young dater confessed he scrolled through women’s profiles discovering their taste in music, movies, and favorite foods.  He also discovered their sense of humor or lack of one. He decided if they were down to earth or a drama queen. He managed all of this in a couple of hours of meandering through social media.  He explained it was the equivalent of six dates. He almost never went out with a female after examining her social media. He explained with a grin and a shrug that there was no need.

8.       Do stuff with your friends. It allows your friend to meet your date, but also allows you to see how your date interacts with your friends.

If a person is putting on an act, it is harder to keep it up with multiple people. Often it is good to see how he or she is with others before you get too involved.

Overall, Tango’s advice was decent even if it was meant for a younger crowd. Is there any item you violently disagree with?

Tuesday, May 20, 2014

15 Things that Chase Women Away

What can turn a handsome fellow into an ugly jerk on the first date or before? Cosmo magazine believes this list covers it. The comments are my own.

  1.     Aggressive or reckless driving.
If a guy is a jerk to anonymous drivers, it’s a cinch he’ll blow up at his date eventually. This is also a person with a victim mentality and takes everything personally.

  2.     A soul patch or goatee.
Trying too hard to be cool and not keeping up with the trends. Many balding men go with a goatee to prove they can grow hair somewhere. Most women are not impressed.

  3.     Wearing anything by Ed Hardy.
It is similar to number two. Ed Hardy attire’s natural habitat is on a teenage boy’s back.

  4.     Smoking.
It makes everything smell like smoke including your breath, hair, clothes, and your date.

5.     Calling all their friends “bro.”
It makes the man sound like a bad sitcom character. The one who tries to act like a hipster, but isn’t. It also demonstrates a level of immaturity that is unbecoming.

6.     Having no hobbies or interests.
Seriously, who has no hobbies or interests? Television is not an interest or a hobby. It shows a lack of imagination and provides no conversational tidbits. It screams boring.

7.     Not reading books.
This is very similar to six. It shows no intelligence or imagination. Once again, the woman has no way to connect with the man. She might pick a man who likes some of the same authors or genres.

8.     Bad manners.
Never pleasant, but the essential lack of manners can kill future dates.

9.     Bad grammar or spelling.
This usually shows up on online profiles. With spell check and grammar check on Word, there’s no excuse for this. Even Facebook corrects your spelling. It shows the man doesn’t care enough to make a good impression. It demonstrates a lack of ambition too. The man never tried in school and is not making any effort to move up the career ladder as demonstrated by his grammar and spelling.

10.   Being rude to servers, bartenders, or people who work in retail.
Some men think this is powerful behavior, but it is humiliating for the woman. The woman who the man is trying to impress may have been or is a waitress, bartender or works in retail. You can bet she knows somebody that does.

11.   Swearing a lot.
There are some professions were swearing is common. Even with that said, a date isn’t work. It is hard to differentiate between I’m swearing because I’m mad or I’m swearing because I’m the adult version of a junior high boy. Neither is popular.

12.   Indecisiveness.
This is the seemingly nice guy who can’t make up his mind what restaurant to go to or movie to see. Often, he’ll ask his date for ideas and still act unsure. Women like for men to plan dates. Mr. Indecisive ends up making the woman do all the work. If he can’t decide where to eat, how can he make life altering choices?

13.   Wearing a Bluetooth headset everywhere.
Oh yeah, men who look like aliens and carry on one-sided phone conversations in public are not impressive.

14.   Wearing a fedora.
I disagree! Some men look very good in a hat. The only problem is when they fail to take it off indoors. If he’s wearing the hat inside, there’s a good chance he took one of those pricy courses on how to attract women that advise wearing eye patches, colored contacts, hats, etc. to stand out from other men. He has more weird stuff to spring on a potential date courtesy of his course.

15.   Calling their ex “crazy.
There are two people in every relationship. The ex may have been crazy, but calling her that means the man fails to be accountable for his failure in the marriage. It also means any relationship that doesn’t work out will only be due the wacko female. Most women don’t want to play that role.
What traits do you think should be on the list?

Sunday, May 11, 2014

Out Of Focus: When the Man Doesn't Focus on You

Two dating stories have something in common, a lack of focus on the woman. A fifty-something woman decides to wait on a suitable man until he had time for her. He initially palmed her off with the excuse that he was too busy for a relationship.  She initiated their infrequent dates they manage to have about every six weeks to two months. She called, emailed, and planned the dates. The summary of the story was after doing this for three years, she scores two dates in one month. Triumph, only it isn’t one really. Three years and she’s doing all the planning. At best, she’s his social secretary.

The second story that has been all over the news is the Dating Assistant. Matthew Valentines’ business helps the busy executive score a date with an attractive, suitable woman. He’s not a matchmaker. He or one of his assistants develops an online dating profile for the man, sure to lure the single hottie. He corresponds with the women, then labels them with designations such as Material Girl, Attention Whore, etc. He presents his review, then arranges the call where the actual executive must talk to the female. His services are only $9.50 an hour. Makes you wonder how many hours Matthew invests in his job since he’s saving the men so much time.

Mr. Valentine has receive some backlash from various women’s magazines. Even CNN jumped on the boat pointing out it was a breakdown in authentic communication. What it boils down to, in both stories, is the man didn’t care enough to put any interest in pursuing the woman. The majority of a relationship is in the chase. A man pursues a woman because something has sparked his interest. If he isn’t putting time or effort into getting to know a woman, then he isn’t interested.

What woman wants to go out with a man who didn’t even initiate the contact or the date? He’s not invested and the woman is little more than a dating version of the fast food drive thru window. In the first story, the man might decide to settle for the woman because for three years she’s been doing everything for him. Why put out any effort? Just about the time she thinks she has him, another woman catches his eye, one that isn’t that accommodating and makes him work to garner her attention. In turn, he values the woman he has to work to draw her interest.

As for the busy executive, he’ll treat his date like an entrĂ©e at a restaurant. He’ll have no problems rejecting the woman for the least little thing since he didn’t put any effort into getting to know her. The assumption will be that the dating assistant can locate a more suitable woman for him, which is one the assistant will encourage. In theory, it is not to the assistant’s advantage to have the man hook up with a forever type of gal immediately. It is also hard to explain that mysterious click that allows you to know when a person is right.

Despite all the forms and details, the executive receives another man’s opinion of who would be a good date for him. This type of dating help used to be called arranged marriages and parents brokered it. They probably did a better job since they knew the real person, not the glammed up version the executive gives to make himself sound like a prize as opposed to a self-absorbed individual.

In the end, using either method, the women find themselves with men that have no time for them and very little interest.