Friday, June 27, 2014

Failed Relationships Can Work in Your Favor

Who hasn’t had a friend quote to them, “It’s better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” after a breakup. Lord Tennyson penned those memorable lines after a death of a close friend. Even though his grief was intense, he was still grateful for the experience.

It turns out those relationships that didn’t stand the test of time may make a person more desirable. A recent survey pointed out that when looking for a potential date or even mate, women prefer men who’ve had previous relationships. All those relatives or friends who cast aspersions because a relationship didn’t last were unaware that by having a relationship a man proves he’s date-worthy.

Women prefer a man that other women married or were in a relationship with. Ironically, this is the same in nature too. The female primate prefers the male that other females mated with.  It isn’t too surprising that a man in a relationship is appealing because he’s already passed another woman’s approval.

The man who’s never had a solid relationship is a risk that most women are not willing to undertake. Being divorced and ready to try again can be a good characteristic on a dating profile, but there’s a fine line. Most women will accept two failed relationships within a four-year period. More than two doesn’t sound like a much of a relationship but more like a serial dater.

Five or more within a four-year period scares most women away. Consider the time it takes to develop a relationship. It means the man drifts from one woman to the next without any down time to grieve or even consider his actions.  Such behavior signals the inability to be alone. It is a bright red flag waving in the wind, signaling that five women found the man unsatisfactory.

Why is two the magic number?  It demonstrates the man has enough good traits to interest women. The fact he’s only had two relationships within a four year timeframe demonstrates he’s made an effort to maintain the relationship. He valued the relationship and the women.

The man who’s had one relationship might be a fluke. The one who has two isn’t. It is another new characteristic in building the profile of an attractive, datable male. First, being a homeowner is a big deal. Then an excellent credit score improves a man’s attractiveness.  Now, a man who has loved and lost is actually a proven catch.

Saturday, June 21, 2014

The Body Part Survey

Another study conducted both in the UK and South Africa surveyed what part of the body part appealed to the opposite sex. The point of the study was to see if people on two different continents shared the same results. There were 41 body parts/areas to choose from, but some received no votes.  The results were very similar, but split along gender lines.

Women preferred in this order when looked at a male model attired in underwear.

1.       Lips & mouth
2.       Inner thigh
3.       Nape of the neck
4.       Nipples
5.       Lower back

The forearm rated at the least attractive male feature. It would be interested to see this study repeated in the United States with an emphasis on muscular models. 

                  Where are the biceps, the six-pack abs, the muscular chest?

Men preferred in this order when looking at a female model in underwear.

1.       Lips
2.       Nape of neck
3.       Breast/nipples (tie)
4.       Bottom
5.       Hips

The feet merited the least attractive feature in women. Just think of all the money wasted   on    pedicures and shoes.

The female list isn’t too big of a surprise with the traditional characteristic that make a woman look different from a male. Several studies insist men prefer curvy women, but stick thin models crowd runaways and magazines. The reason behind this is to highlight the clothes, not the body wearing them.  The message women receive is that super thin is desirable.

Women might do well to put more emphasis on what goes on their lips as opposed to their feet. Then again, they might not be wearing shoes to entice men, but themselves according to another study. 

Do you agree with the study? Why or why not?

Sunday, June 15, 2014

The Importance of Being Real

I will willingly admit to watching  I Wanna Marry Harry where twelve women compete for the affections of a Prince Harry lookalike. Finding and marrying a prince is almost every young girl’s dreams especially if she’s watched Disney movies. To be fair to Fox who produces the show, they never ever tell the females they are dating Harry. However, the women arrive in England, stay in a castle, and experience the royal treatment. Cut to the chase, our fake prince wants to be loved for who he is. However, despite the women fighting over the humble Brit, they could be repulsed when they discover he doesn’t even own a car, let alone a crown.

The first response is that the women were gold diggers. It would be easy to say the women must be stupid not to realize the royals would never allow the show to happen. A couple hold doctorates, so that isn’t the answer. The women want to believe that they could attract the attention of a prince. Being a prince is part of the package that makes the man desirable.

It’s ironic that many people entering the dating world decide to pad out or disguise their real package. The men stand beside expensive sports cars, yachts or planes they don’t own for photos. Then they are upset with dates who reject them when they find out the truth. Keep in mind; they attracted women who wanted that particular package.

The same is true with men who post photographs attempting extreme sports. A bookish accountant posts a pic of the one time he skied and meets a competitive skier. She expects him to understand her devotion to the sport. Trapped in a half lie, he endures going to various trials, ski gear shows, and hanging out with her ski friends. Not only does he feels trapped, but maybe a combination of being overwhelmed and discovery haunt the developing relationship.

Women who've had plastic surgery eventually come to resent the men who like them due to the plastic surgery. They insist they want someone who loves for who they really are. It is hard to find someone who loves you for you are when you aren’t presenting the real package. It is rather like the star of I Wanna Marry Harry resenting the women who wanted to marry a prince.

 Men and women both work to create what they believe is a desirable package, especially if they are making a re-entry into the dating world. Often you see women in too tight clothes, too dark tan, too much makeup, and obviously colored hair; it is the just divorced look. Men have their own version of this that includes tight jeans, gelled hair and sunglasses.

Everyone has heard the old adage about people in a relationship letting themselves go. What if they didn’t let themselves go, but reverted to who they really were? Many whirlwind romances often dissolve after marriage with people claiming they married a stranger.

Part of the problem is people are afraid to be who they really are. Their fears are that who they are isn’t enough to attract a partner. With all their work to be someone other than who they are, they ended up attracting someone who wouldn’t be a good match. Often people, ignore the signs, that a person isn’t a good fit because they want a relationship so much.

The failure of the flawed relationship compounds the erroneous belief that who they are isn’t enough.  It is hard to attract the right person who would be perfect for you when you are working hard to be someone else. The first step is to realize you are a desirable, valuable individual just the way you are. Once you do that, you’ll eventually attract someone who loves you for you.

Wednesday, June 11, 2014

Male Dating Profile Photos to Delete ASAP

This is an actual Dating Profile Pic
A woman in an outdated hairstyle or clothing more reminiscent of something your mother wore is a real turn off. In you ever saw the movie, Must Love Dogs; you’ll remember the helpful sister put the forty-ish main character’s college graduation photo as a profile shot, another mistake. Sometimes the dating profile stumbles are different for men.

1.       The Abs Shot- sure it’s great you have abs, but watch out for the conclusions women might draw. One is that you’re a body-obsessed weightlifter. The other is you imagine your potential dates to be superficial. There is a third option, especially, if there is no head, is that you used someone else’s abs. With Photo Shop, you can even keep the head on.

2.       The Car Shot- you may love your car, but probably don’t want to use it in a photo. It implies your car is very important that some women find this off-putting. Women who define men by the car they drive could possible discount you before you even meet.

3.       You, Your Laptop, and the Messy Room- this snapshot is wrong on so many levels. First, it tells potential dates you’re a slob, little more than an adolescent no matter what your age is. It also shows you didn’t care enough to tidy one corner of the room for the pic. Finally, the laptop, even though we all use them, conjures up the image of a lonely misfit scrolling through chat rooms and porn sites.  
Messy Room, No Laptop, but Still Weird

4.     The barefoot shot- a recent survey conducted in the UK and South Africa revealed that the humble foot is a turn-off. I’m not too surprised since most men fail to keep up their foot grooming.

5.     The Too Good Photo- I know you went somewhere your friend suggested. Were spiffed up and had a little work done, the Photo Shop kind for an amazing shot. Problem is you’ll never look like that in real life. Plenty of women shoot themselves in the foot with Glamour shots; don’t fall into the same hole.

6.      The Other Woman pictures- It might be Vegas showgirls, co-workers, Hooter girls, or even your sister. All your potential date sees is another woman at your side and there is no room for her. Some men put old wedding photo thinking a photo is better than no photo. In this case, it isn’t.

7.       The Drunk or Drinking Photo- You know if you were drunk in the picture. If your smile looks off kilter or your leaning against the wall because you couldn’t stand on your own, nix the photo, Same goes with the photos of you and the giant margarita or carrying a half dozen beers, it only makes you look like an alcoholic as opposed to a social drinker.

8.     The Baby Prop- If you don’t have a baby, don't use one. Some men mistakenly think it makes them look attractive rather like posing with a puppy. Not so, the woman sees a man trolling for a mother or grandmother. However, the puppy works.

9.     The Mr. Adventure Photo- This is where you might have done something once and took a photo. The photo of you climbing into a racecar at the Epcot test track or standing by a hot air balloon implies this is something you normally do. What you thought would be a cool photo turns off women afraid of heights or irritated by NASCAR. Ironically, you were never that into either.

10.  The Miscellaneous Photo- While dating, I would sometimes pull up profiles crowded with photos. My first thought was the man had a great self-image to load so many pics until I found out they were miscellaneous shots of leaves, water, sunsets and other odd things. At first, I thought it was a chance to showcase photography skills, but I wasn’t looking for a photographer. In retrospect, I realize he could have easily downloaded the images from various sites. In the end, it told me nothing about him. It was a waste of time.

11.   The Selfie is the worst offender. Especially if taken with a flash in the bathroom mirror with a messy background too. It tells potential dates that you have no friends or even co-workers willingly to take a snapshot. There is the creep element to it too. Why are you in the bathroom taking selfies? Who do you not want to know?

Eharmony actually advises people to post adventure shots to look interesting. Warning: if you've only done it once and didn't like it, or do not plan on doing it again, don't post it. This lovely picture could snag avid hikers or turn off women who avoid the outdoors like the plague.

What photos cause you to delete a profile?