Does flirting get you better service, jobs, or even a better
cut of beef? This discussion came up recently at work. Most believed they
received benefits due to their flirting. It also comes down to what you define
as flirting. I was raised to be civil, helpful and pleasant. If someone asks
for the time or help in finding a particular item in the grocery, I would never
consider my assistance as flirting, although some people would.
Flirting can consist of making jokes, direct compliments,
teasing that prolongs a conversation beyond its natural limits. Most sales
people will flatter the customer pretending an interest they don’t feel. My sales training focused on how to friend
the person creating an affability to make a sale. The service person, server,
or car salesperson really isn’t
interested in you. Depending on their policy, they could get in trouble for not
smiling or wishing you a pleasant day.
Several co-workers insisted they received better service by
flirting. Most of the time they got the same service everyone else did. A
perusal of a magazine meant for restaurant owners and employees listed the
issues servers had with customers. Number one was flirting. Most of the time
the young server was creeped out by men or women old enough to be his or her
parents flirting them up. Especially icky was when customers leered, made
comments about the server’s appearance, or even mentioned
coming back again. It sounds a great deal like stalking.
Why do people bother to flirt, especially in the presence of
their spouse or significant other? First, they have a captive audience with
employees who can’t say anything negative at the risk of losing a sale or
possibly their job. The would-be Lotharios set out to prove to the
significant other that they are still hot. While the server ducks back into the
kitchen to get their order, the flirter might even go on about how intrigued
the waitress was. When in truth, she’s relating the hackneyed lines to the
amusement of her fellow workers.
Secondly, it is a no-risk situation. The flirter doesn’t
have to worry about rejection because, as the
buyer, he or she holds all the power. The intention was never to pick up
someone, but just to build up some self-esteem. Doing this in front of a significant
other guarantees the safety aspect. It also means that the person serving the
obnoxious flirter may have a few choice descriptions uttered only after the tip is rendered, and only to fellow servers.
Occasionally, there are people who deliberately flirt to
irritate their spouse, provoke jealously,
or even start an argument. It makes you wonder what benefits they hope to get.
As for the salesperson who is the victim of this unwanted
attention, it is a form of harassment. If a person were genuinely interested in
the employee, and the server felt likewise, then it would be an entirely
different story. The flirting would serve its natural purpose as opposed to
trying to cop a free appetizer.
Often, employees will play the flirting game. An example is
giving the offender free pie as if it were a special gift between the two of
them even though the restaurant had a free pie policy. This results in the flirter tipping more in the belief he received
something special.
Back in the day, when I was waitress,
a single, older man was usually a guarantee of a
big tip if played appropriately.
It kind of makes you wonder who is
playing whom?
