Monday, August 1, 2011
Anatomy Of A Relationship/ Part 1
Ever look up and wonder how you got there? I do a great deal of automatic driving when I drive to work or to the gym. The only difference is I have to make just one turn either left or right by CVS. Often when I am not paying attention I make that turn and a few occasions I turned the wrong way. I often joked that I’d rather go to the gym than to work. Relationships are a great deal like that. You tend to do things automatically.
Most work places have a sign posted somewhere that reads: Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Been there, done that, especially with relationships. We often seek out partners similar to the ones we’ve rejected. Case in point: Donald Trump, ever noticed how all his wives and girlfriends look like Ivana, his first wife? We might qualify this behavior by saying we have a certain type. We do, and if you’re not in a great relationship, you can make a logical jump that it is the wrong type.
My first encounter with my beloved wasn’t totally successful. I approached him via online dating because I sent him a flirt and didn’t hear from him…for a month. If I were dating in my normal fashion one guy at a time, I would have deleted him off my list and moved onto the next. Instead, I was busy dating other males and left his profile open. A month later, I heard from him because he just renewed his membership. Even though I received his profile, he hadn’t been a member for the last two years.
Normally, if I didn’t hear back from a guy in a week he was history. I did not want to play second fiddle or be the fall back gal in case something didn’t work out with the other women. A week is enough time for a busy man if he is interested. Call it fate, but I took a wait and see approach to this profile of a smiling man with a touch of humor in his eyes.
We corresponded back and forth for a while. I found him funny and cute, but unlike the other guys, I met he didn’t push for an immediate date. Most men want to meet to give you the once over to see if you match up to your picture before they invest any more time into you. This made me wonder if this new man was all that interested? Dating other men did keep me busy and did not allow me time to get anxious, but obviously, I had my doubts. Was I just an email relationship? Had one of those before and didn’t care to invest in another.
The next step was talking on the phone, usually hearing a man’s voice tells me how he feels about me. It was hard deciphering his flat accent to find out how interested he was. Looking back, I have to take in consideration I was talking to a left brained person. There were no ups and downs in the voice that I might expect from a salesman or a drama major. Still, we set up the first date.
I should know by the end of the first date where I stood, but I didn’t. I felt a connection, but wondered if he did? We often talked over each other and apologized for it. We spent almost two hours over drinks and appetizers before saying goodbye. I can’t remember if he said he had to go somewhere, but I was disappointed that he didn’t suggest anything to prolong the date. We walked to the entrance of the restaurant where he gave me a brief hug and walked out the opposite door. That was it.
He didn’t even walk me to the car and no kiss. Did I misread the date? I thought we got along fine, but then what do I know? Been on interviews where I was sure I nailed the job, maybe this was the same thing. I drove home trying to understand his behavior. He spent a good part of the night talking about previous bad relationships he’d had. I know I would have never asked him about other women since I can’t even bring myself to ask a man if he has a girlfriend already.
Unlike my other first dates, I didn’t get the immediate follow-up phone call telling me what a great time he had. Instead, I waited. The phone would ring. I’d would rush to pick it up, inhale, so I wouldn’t sound like I rushed to pick it up and it would be…my sister. What was the deal here? I am good at reading people and he was definitely giving off signs he liked me.
I shelved my doubts when he called and suggested a follow-up date closer to my house at a Mexican restaurant. The second date was similar to the first in that he did go back to talking about failed relationships he had and strange dates. I was wondering if he was more in line for a therapist than a date, but every now and then I would see flashes of humor and intelligence and it kept me interested. (He explained later that in previous relationships the women insisted knowing all the gory details of past girlfriends. Ding, ding, did those relationships last? The fact that they didn’t should imply it wasn’t the best method. He was attempting to relate all so I wouldn’t be upset if he left anything out. Finally, I told him enough. Wish I had done it sooner. LOL)
The second date is where he gave me the sister kiss on the hair, which confused me even more. So far, we have a man who doesn’t try to extend the time he spends with me, does not walk me to my car, and never actually kisses me. Often I decide if I want to pursue the relationship based on the goodnight kiss. There are other factors, but the kiss seals it. Honestly, if I hadn’t been dating other men I think I would have given up on my sweetie by this time. He didn’t show me enough of the right signs, and he kept urging me to drink. (Later on, he confessed that he misread something I wrote in my profile about drinking and thought I was a party girl. LOL)
Okay, ladies and gentlemen (if you are reading) would you continue to try to date this man? What messages would you get from his behavior?