Friday, October 19, 2012

Perfect Match



Back when I was reading dating profiles, I read one where an older, not athletic man declared he wanted a young, long legged natural blonde with a shapely figure and violet eyes to pamper him.  I thought it was a very chauvinistic thing to say, besides I wasn’t a blonde, nor did I have violet eyes. Only person, I’d ever heard about having violet eyes was Elizabeth Taylor, and she certainly wasn’t blonde.

His profile was an example of why there are so many single people still looking, but not finding. They will never find that perfect mate because he or she doesn’t exist. I think I know women being one, and all. Still, I don’t understand them entirely either when they based their decision to date on how he looks. Now, if he looks like someone that just walked off America’s Most Wanted that’s different.  Aren’t we as women totally put out if we think a man rejects us if we’re not a shapely blonde with violet eyes?

It makes us angry coming out of the gate. I admit there may be some women who resort to violet contacts and a push up bra hoping to catch the man’s interest, but it won’t work. This is a guy who is seeking a mythical creature, not unlike many women out there who want a man 5’10” or taller, fit, dark hair and blue eyes. He should be a high wage earner, no children, clinging ex-wife, or stalkerish ex-girlfriend lurking about. He has unlimited leisure time to accompany the woman to chick flicks, picnics, and romantic getaways. This is a movie hero, not a real man.

I finally met the man of my dreams. He treats me like a princess. With him, I feel like one. Ironically, many women passed on my prince of a guy because he wasn’t 5’10”, or had dark hair. He does have children, and a peculiar ex. This mythical perfect man guy doesn’t exist just like the violet eyed blonde.

There are so many contradictions here. A high wage earner puts in long hours, and will not have the time or inclination to go paddling down the river, or lunching alfresco. He’ll probably want to golf with his work buddies to either cut loose or plan the next week’s business deal. If the man had no exes or children, it is indicative he doesn’t want a relationship or is incapable of maintaining one.

As for all the physical appearance criteria, are we fourteen? I am taking a chance here since my husband will read this, but I will tell you about my brush with divinely handsome. I went out with two movie-worthy handsome guys. One I only dated once because he was so lacking in personality. The other I dated him a few times in hopes he’d get better. My reasoning was how could someone that handsome being so lacking in other qualities. He wasn’t mean, very well groomed, but lacking in the intellect and responsibility. They both were tall, dark hair, and neither had blue eyes. Both were in love with themselves because women had told them how wonderful they were. Luckily, I didn’t join that fan club. This happened all back when I was a young, long legged brunette. After that, I’ve had a prejudice against movie star handsome men.

It’s not an unwarranted prejudice either. Men that good looking do not value you. They know for a fact if you get in a fight today they’ll have a new chick by nightfall.   One reason is women are constantly crushing on men who meet the Hollywood standards of handsome, tall, gorgeous hair, and buff body. With this in mind, even married men are hit on, while some actively encourage the approach. They feel it is their right. With this in mind, Mr. Gorgeous looks a little less wonderful.

If you want a tall guy and you live in the US, keep in mind only about 11% of the men meet your standards. These same tall men may be too old, too young, gay, or married. Really slims down your odds of finding the perfect one. All you women who want dark haired guys with blue eyes, you’re really going for a rare fellow. Dark hair usually pairs with dark eyes. Those beautiful china blue eyes pair most often with blondes and redheads. Maybe you do find that perfect man that so many women in the US are looking for. Congratulations, but guess what he doesn’t find you that special. Because of this he will not value you or treat you well. You may find him as disappointing as I found my movie star guys. Later on, I refused to go out with anyone more attractive than me. It may not have been a perfect plan, but it eliminated me seething as various women fawned over my date.  Yes, they did do this, hoping to cut me out of the picture and insert themselves. So no ladies, it is never as wonderful as you think it is going to be parading around with your too handsome fellow.

Women, and men waste their time trying to hook up with a movie star-like dates. Men can be slower to realize they’re being played when they hook up with a beauty queen. The only reason they tolerate such bad behavior is they believe other men envy them. In actuality, other men might want to have sex with their girlfriend, and may already had, but they don’t envy him being played like baby grand piano. Women usually wise up faster when their pretty boy goes bad, and moves on. Not always, Elizabeth Edwards is a good example of this because she knew her husband was a player, but chose to support him for political purposes and to preserve the fa├žade of a family unit.

The sad truth is when you are passing over men with the wrong colored hair, or even no hair. Someone else is picking up a perfectly wonderful man you discarded. I am so grateful for women who never chose to meet my sweetheart and discover what a wonderful man he is. Some men would have pushed for a date even though they didn’t meet the height requirements confident they’d wow the woman with their sense of humor, but not my man. He figured if he wasn’t all the things they specified how could he’d ever had a chance? I understood I closed any profile that specified the exact type of women they wanted.

My sister was shocked when I closed a profile that specified someone exactly like me. “You’re it. Why’d you close it?” She wondered aloud. I closed it I tried to explain because he was so narrow in expectations of what he would accept. The type of woman he wanted may not have been the best match for him. How true is that for all of us?

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