Monday, December 8, 2014

Important 1st Date Red Flags

Recent new events including dates who robbed their date or the rise of dating abuse tends to make the single person wary of dating, but there are some subtle red flags that should give warning. Keeping an eye out and a clear head will help you avoid bemoaning your fate later. Most of these signs can apply to both men and women. Here’s what to look for:

1.    Too good to be true dates.  The ones who are supposedly rich, handsome, and amazingly successful. This a setup to ask for money often before you even meet because once you met you’d realized the truth. One elderly man who signed onto the dating site Seeking Arrangements went out with seventeen years old twins who later robbed him and went on a spending spree with his credit cards after tying him up.

2.     The jokester. This man heckles you about your job, pets, and clothes, whatever. He may think he’s funny, but he is verbally abusing you. He’ll only get worse.

3.     The crazy ex he or she once had. Okay, many people have crazy exes. The fact he wants to talk about her on the first date, talks about she drove him to do stuff, had it coming, or the need for revenge is your neon exit sign.

4.     Being mean to help staff (the waiter, valet, ticket person, etc.) Consider first date behavior should be super nice. If he can’t be civil for the length of a date, then you’re in trouble. It also means he regards those people as less than himself.

5.       Angry driver who displays road rage.

6.  If you ever feel afraid or uneasy, then it is definitely time to leave. It can be a remark, inappropriate touching, bad driving, and the list goes on.

7.   A casual comment about a celebrity recently embroiled in a domestic abuse case being mistreated as opposed to condemning the abuse. The real question is why he mentioned it anyhow.

8.       Too serious, too fast. This person confesses he’s falling for you before the evening is up. Smart, date-worthy people don’t fall that fast, but abusive people do. They’ve learned they have to corner the date, possibly sleep with her, to create a bond.

9.       The date who takes over. You know the one who orders for you without asking.  It’s okay if he asks first & you agree. He starts listing books for you to read and movies for you to see. Even has the nerve to make clothing suggestions. Run away. He only wants to make someone into a clone of his perfect woman.

10.   Cell phone never leaves his hand. He’s on the phone, texting, reading a text, etc. Get the message: you’re not important.

11.   Porno dialogue. You’re interested in his job, siblings, or if he’s a cat or dog person and he’s asking you if you’ll do something he saw in a porn video.

12.   The I just got done with yard work look. It happens. Guy or even woman shows up for a date, unkempt, frazzled, even sporting body odor. C’mon, anyone knows better than this. If your date didn’t make an effort to primp on the first date, then it will never happen.

13.   Irrational jealously.  He or she thinks you’re checking out the wait staff. Resents you being  involved previously. This person will monitor your every move and invent drama where there is none. Scary.

14.   You make your date mad while on the date. Who knows what you did. It might have been checking out the waiter (that you really didn’t.) Now, you’re on the defensive and find yourself apologizing or worse, trying to make it up. Makes you wonder if you're out with an adult.

15. Trash talks your friends. Why would anyone put down people he or she never met? The only reason is to separate you from your friends.

16.   The split personality thing. He’s all charming, but after you come back from the bathroom. He’s surly. Could be a personality disorder, or maybe he was that way all along and the charming part was an act.

Truthfully, it sounds like a list of reasons not to go on the second date, which it is. You can’t meet the person you’ll click with if you spend all your time going out with people you don’t click with. Most of the red flags hint at later abuse. No one needs that. 

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