Sunday, May 10, 2015

The Attractiveness Spectrum

Whom we view as attractive changes for various reasons. When I was in junior high, the guys were obsessed with the girls who developed the most. With advertising featuring cleavage-baring models, it is easy for women to think cup size is all that matters to a male.  Dr. Joyce Brothers, psychologist, pointed out in her book, What Every Woman Should Know about Men, is that developing boys are insecure about their sexual identity and tend toward the obviously developed female because she makes him feel more masculine. Grown men who feel confident in who they are don’t date by cup size, boys do. Age doesn’t always make the boy either.

Life journeys change opinions too. A popular song described an unemployed bad boy as the singer’s next mistake. Women with children and careers are so over unemployed or underemployed men. They have enough going on in their life, than to deal with one more child. A career, financial stability, and willingness to go to more family-centric events ups a man’s attractiveness quota.

Single fathers place intelligence on the top of the list of characteristics they want for a future wife and stepmother. Face it; they already have one child to raise. Instead of a high maintenance diva or a brainless bimbo, the single dad needs someone who can think for herself and be a good role model. He also wants someone whose friends are kid-friendly. In other words, he doesn’t want scantily-dressed females with a fouler mouth than most sailors hanging out around his children. Such a woman might have been fun in college, but tastes change.

What we need colors how attractive we find someone.  Men with money are natural babe magnets. The obvious reason is they represent the life women are accustomed to or the life they believe they deserve. Although, many people think money is an end-all, it isn’t. Many rich people are immensely unhappy because they obsess on their money and what they perceive as people trying to take it from them. Often they have no clue how to have fun.

Being fun is a precious commodity. Steve Irwin’s widow, Terri, was inconsolable after his death. When asked what was so special about her husband, she replied that he made life fun. This was obvious from his shows. Who wouldn’t want to be with someone fun as opposed to someone who took himself and life too seriously? Never mind the conspiracy theorists or the embittered folks who are sure they’re being shafted, somber Steve can be a buzz kill too.

 Along with being intelligent and fun, adaptability is very attractive, especially if you have a first responder-type job or children.  Everyone knows at least one person that everything has to be a certain way and if it isn’t he or she melts down. This is not a person who will understand work emergencies. An unexpected crisis at work is a deliberate smack in the face. A sick child or child-related event is a devious plan perpetrated by the child.

If you believe all the hundred of media images, then you’d believe that only perfect people can find love. Only size two women and men with six-pack abs are deserving of a relationship. Not true. While the buffed guy might be the go-to character in rom-coms, he isn’t in real life. A great deal of gym time, diet, and personal adoration go into creating the eye-popping body. Most women prefer men with love handles as opposed to their ripped brethren. The simple reason is the ordinary man spends more time with them. The body-obsessed males often make dates feel insecure about their own bodies.

Surely men prefer thin women to those not so thin? Right? It depends on what you consider thin. A UK woman, Yvette Castor, developed two different dating profiles using photos from when she was a size ten and a size eighteen using the same personal information. Even though Yvette is a beautiful, curvy woman, she chose to use photos that gave her a double chin in the eighteen profile. She discovered the thinner profile received more interest. No surprise there, but what did surprise her was how much interest her large profile received. Even more surprising were the types of men that clicked on the larger Yvette. For the most part, they were well spoken, ordinary men with jobs, rather like those who clicked on the thin Yvette. Here’s the link to read the full article.

Often the feature that makes people appealing is confidence. Yvette freely admits that as a bigger woman she is more confident than when she was younger. People who are okay with themselves are naturally more striking. At a racetrack, I witnessed this phenomenon when the top jockeys finished for the day and waded into the crowd of people. Several women attempted to engage the men’s attention. A couple of taller women snagged the jockeys as they moved into the restaurant area. Of course, the women could have already been their wives or girlfriends.

The commercial world makes millions keeping us insecure about our looks, our car, even our job.  In the end, an intelligent person, who can adapt easily to situations and occasionally laugh about it, and accepts him or herself is much more attractive than a super model. Probably one of the most overlooked but desired characteristics is how interested the same person is in you.

It’s not an impossible list. Sure, you’ll meet men who want a single digit size woman. There will still be females who list six foot or taller men only need to apply. That’s their issue, not yours. These poor deluded individuals expect a soulmate to come in a specific package, which means they’ll have plenty of alone time to reconsider.

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