Tuesday, May 17, 2016

What is Too Picky?

A fellow blogger chided me for encouraging women to decide what they wanted as opposed to grabbing anyone who asked them out or showed a mild interest in them. With that in mind, I wondered what was too picky?

      * Dating out of your league. C’mon, you know who you are. Why expect someone who is in an entirely different league to fall for you. If it happens, it’s at best a short relationship. You could find yourself doing outrageous things to engage his or her attention and still lose that person.

      *Going for that elusive date. A good friend complained to me that her forty-year old, five foot daughter who lives in San Francisco will only date men that are six feet or taller. The average height for a man is under 5’10”. Her daughter doesn’t date much, despite being a blonde beauty.

      *Rejecting someone due to hobbies. If a man is a taxidermist, and you’re a card –carrying member of PETA that would make sense. I spend most of my life on the laptop, writing, reading, blogging, etc. while my sweetie entertains himself with his own hobbies. I really couldn’t expect to meet another person who had the same hobbies. If I did, there could be competitiveness.

    *Disclaimer on the hobby issue for long-term relationships. I’m never a fan of people moving in after a couple of dates because they don’t know each other. If they did, they might find their romantic partner spends a great deal of time on their hobby. This is important to know for future relationships. Your date may fudge the details because of a negative reaction in a prior relationship.

     *But before writing someone off who actually has a life, consider he or she put so much time in their pastime because of the absence of a significant other.

*Don’t fall into the habit of stereotyping.  Many women assume men will be more like sitcom characters than complex individuals. The same goes for men summing up women because of various iconic images. I had a hard time convincing my husband that I did like pizza and sports (at least horse racing, baseball and whenever the Colts played.)

*Distance is an issue.  I realize dating sites have some column that you check if you’d move for the perfect someone. Wow, this sounds romantic. It isn’t. It means if a person would truly move for you that he or she has no job, friends, or social network. It’s not love; it’s desperation.

*Consider people in your own city. Right about the time, you’re saying there’s no one appropriate in the city; your possible match is saying the same thing close by.

*Forget about Mr. or Miss Moneybags. Ladies, when I saw all these billionaire books coming out I decided to do the research. Your average single billionaire is 63. There are an estimated 946 billionaires in the world and most are married.

     *Apparently, being arm candy is not enough, to attract the attention of a wealthy power broker. Billionaires are looking for mates with a prestigious pedigree. (Read money and connections.) The potential mate needs a high-level position such as a CEO of Fortune 500 business, an A-list movie star, supermodel, or world-renowned doctor.

     *Money doesn’t buy happiness either. A current survey on happiness demonstrated most people would reach their peak happiness with a couple thousand more a year. Lottery winners are besieged by scam artists and relatives emerging from the woodwork and often admit to being happier before winning.  Think twice before overlooking an average Joe or Jane.

*Romcom Stars or someone who acts like they are. Seriously. It is fiction. A person who expects to find a man like this may eventually find an actor. Remember, they have to be paid to play a part.

*Someone who will make all your dreams come true. No one is responsible for making your dreams come true, but you.  This is a ridiculous burden to put on another person.

* Arm candy/beef cake person’s only attribute is to make your ex jealous. It might make for some good photo opportunities on social media. Don’t waste your time holding out for these people because they have a long line of equally deluded people to work their way through.

      Who can you date without settling or being too picky?

Thousands of people who are a great deal like you are looking for dates. In the fact, they have ordinary jobs, live in similar neighborhoods, may or may not be the same religion, race, or have the same hobbies. The entire idea of dating is to find out who you can live with and who you can’t live without.  It’s hard to do this if you’re not dating.

If you have the misconception someone will lift you out of your current circumstances, make an effort to change your life on your own. Whatever it takes, from working overtime, education or job training, even moving. You’ll find once you work toward your goals that you’ll attract similarly minded people.

I met my own sweetie almost six years ago. I didn’t know a great deal about him except he had a nice smile and was good to his kids.  We had to go out for us to discover how perfect we were for one another. I couldn’t have picked a sweeter, more considerate or romantic man, but if I had insisted on only going out with 6’ men, I would never have met him. Something to consider.  After all this time, he still treats me like a queen.


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