Thursday, February 23, 2012

Lucky 13

Wonder why you haven’t found the right match even after marriage, divorce, and dating again? Is it you? Why does the other person treat you so shabbily? It could be a lot of things. Could be that you have poor self-confidence and you pick people who reinforce that. Remember people will treat you the way you treat yourself. Then again, it just might be the numbers.


The magic number used to be seven. Peter Todd published an article in Wired magazine that explains statistical evidence that found people usually dated twelve different individuals before they met their perfect match. Remember this was an average, which meant some people had less relationships and some people had more. Jennifer Cruise has a character in one of her books wildly dating men in an effort to find the one. A spiteful co-worker told her the number was seven hundred. This depresses her horribly because she met someone back at man number twenty-three that she really liked.


Of course, this relies on you believing that there is “the one” out there. If you go out with a person who ridicules anything you do, drop him or her. No one needs someone who is not supportive. That type of behavior will eat away at you like acid. I love to read all those sentimental slide shows that come up on the net that details what characteristic a person loves about another. Men will say they love it when their wife talks in a cartoon voice, uses code words for sex, takes a long time to get ready, snorts when she laughs, etc. What? We all heard those things were bad, maybe even took some heat for having a few of them ourselves. When someone really loves you, your quirks become endearing.


Some of you swept by relationship seven with no sign of a soul mate. Don’t worry too much, since the new number is now Lucky 13. Why the change? It might be because there are more people. Perhaps people date more. Relationships are not lasting, putting people back into the dating realm. The biggest new dating demographic is people in their fifties.


Why haven’t you met the perfect person for you by fifty? Maybe the universe really wanted you to appreciate your soul mate by sending a few also rans your way. Trust me, when you find the right one you will be extremely appreciative.


If you ever wonder why there are so few good marriages or relationships in your immediate world, or the larger world, it is due to a scarcity mind set. My best friend's parents never actually spoke to each other. They spoke through the children. I asked my friend why they were married at all. She told me her mother married her father because her grandmother warned her he might be the only man who would ask. She needed to grab him while she could.


Many men and women believe they won’t find a mate and grab anyone who is willing to marry them, even when they know it is a mistake. Thirteen may seem high, but it might be because people have to work out issues about what they deserve, and need to look past surface appearance to find the inner beauty.


I’ve done the online dating scene where men only want to date leggy blondes under thirty, while the best fit might be a thirty-something redhead with an attitude. Women are guilty of specifying men only 6 foot and over, which is only 13% of the male population. Consider that some of those extra tall guys are married, gay, or not interested in you--which means you wiped out any chance of finding Mr. Right by being super picky.


Often people make outrageous lists of traits so they can insist there are no good prospects out there. As for thirteen relationships, you might meet him at three or twenty-three. Sometimes, unfortunately, we let the right one go because we are looking for this Prince Charming type of persona. The sweet nerdy guy who opened your car door wasn’t it. Years later, you might realize he was, but now he’s married to an infinitely smarter woman.


Lucky 13. Does the thought depress you or give you something to aim for?


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