Saturday, May 26, 2012

Why Are Men Such Jerks?

What single woman hasn’t complained about the men she’s dated being jerks?  Simple translation is she is not into them or they aren’t into her. It could be they are jerks. Better yet, they are trying to act like jerks and are succeeding. Would you believe they are reading advice on dating sites that are advising them to act in such an offensive way?  Most men who are on the dating scene feel who they are and what they have to offer isn’t enough. They either have been told such nonsense by an ex who left or rationalized it because they are currently single.

In their desperation they searched the Internet for help. What better place than a dating website? Wouldn’t the dating service want a person to hook up and live happily ever after? Not really, it is more like gambling. They have to have at least a few success stories to keep people trying, but if all single people got hitched after laying down their initial fee, then they’d be out of business. So what advice is being given?

In an April 9 article posted on website, one of the things a man is told to talk about himself, as opposed to showing interest in his date. I’ve been out on a few of those dates. A man who talks about all the wonderful things he’s done in his life.  Anyone in sales knows the customer (the date) is interested in how the merchandise (you) will enhance her life. To demonstrate this you must find out what she likes. To make a sale, you show interest in her life which translates into her feeling good about you and whatever you’re selling. A man who talks about himself is considered an egomaniac. You can also look forward to more of the same on future dates. There is something to be said about holding back. What is there left to be discovered if a man blurts out the details of his life on the first date?

If oversharing didn’t win your heart, then the man should insult and tease you.  This almost sounds like an advice you’d give to someone you didn’t like. Remember how hard you worked to get ready for the date? How nervous you were about your appearance? How great are you going to feel about a guy who insults your outfit, hair, or shoes? He isn’t going to be at the top of your list of guys you want to date. Maybe you almost tripped walking out of the restaurant and for the duration of the date he teases you about being clumsy. Probably feels a lot like being out with your annoying younger brother.

  What do you expect a man to do to make a good impression? Usually they show interest in you, excellent manners, and compliment you. Men are urged to skip the compliments or go light on them. I am convinced my ex-husband took this advice. I resented the lack of compliments very much.  Women, in general, do not get as much positive feedback as men which, translates into the need for some significant compliments. If you talk positive about someone, then you feel more positive about the person. So not only is your date robbing you of  the warm fuzzy feeling a compliment would engender he is also robbing himself.

So far ladies, are you impressed? Next on the list is not to plan elaborate dates, just meet for coffee. This works for a guy because he doesn’t have to spend too much time or money on you in case he views you as a dud. That is the feeling you’ll get too. Face it, sitting around in a noisy coffee shop is awkward. You need to be doing something, and it doesn’t have to cost a ton of money either. Avoid the man like the plague who just wants to hang. He shows an incredible lack of initiative and interest.  A guy can plan a date that has stages. If meeting at a near-by restaurant for drinks works out well, then he can move on to suggest playing miniature golf later.

Rushing the relationship is another thing to avoid on the list. I guess that is up to you what is rushing the relationship. There are guys who want to call or text you immediately after the first date, every day, even several times a day…not normal. On the other hand, guys are often advised to play it cool; act like the bad boy who has several women on the line.  After a week or more, he suddenly locates your number. I remember being treated like this, and I didn’t like it so much so I didn’t go out with the guy again. I distinctly remember him blubbering into the phone that he did like me. Just maybe he did like me, who knows? This is one girl who didn’t fall for the bad boys moves.

Let’s look at this as if you were talking to a girlfriend. She tells you she recently went out on her second date with a man who monopolized the conversation. He also insulted her brand new shoes she bought for the date instead of complimenting her. To make things worse he thought it was cool to tease her about having braces at her age. Even though it was their second date they were still meeting at Starbucks. She waited over two weeks for him even to offer the second date. What advice would you give her?  Better yet, what woman puts up with this type of treatment? Remember if you do, you’ll get more of the same and worse.

If you think your date is trying to act like a bad boy, make a bold move and ask him to be himself. You might discover you like the authentic him. That will be a good deal for both of you.

No comments:

Post a Comment