Friday, July 27, 2012


First date behavior might be keeping us all single or at least uncomfortable on our dates. Writer John D. Husband in his book, Single Over Thirty, notes an alien might watch all the single men and women go to various places that cater to singles, even meet up for a drink or dinner, then all return to their single homes.  The aliens wouldn’t understand why two people who so much want to be part of a couple fail repeatedly. Everyone has a story.

When asked both men and women have experienced bad first dates usually due to incredibly rude behavior from their date. Really bad first dates linger in people's mind causing them to talk about them, and usually mentioning the bad date by name. If you are that bad first date, it may be the reason no one else is asking you out or refusing your invites.

Many women, and a few men, walk into a first date believing they just might make the love connection that night, but five minutes into the date one or the other of them makes the mental decision it isn’t going to happen. Of course, where you go from there is what really counts. You could have a good dinner and conversation or you can make it into an ordeal that equals a root canal without anesthesia.

Often dates don’t look like their profile pictures or even dress appropriately for the date. Give them some slack, you may not resemble your photo either. How would you feel if someone spent the entire night talking about your photo and how you didn’t look like it. Some people choose to do that with behavior instead of words by acting bored, looking at the clock, reading texts, even yawning.  This same person makes no effort to be an interesting companion because he or she wrote you off at hello. How incredibly rude and stupid and presumptuous assuming we all live in a bubble. Don’t make the mistake of thinking rumors of your bad behavior will not reach other people or potential dates. It does because a waiter warned me off about a date after seeing how he treated previous dates at the same restaurant.

How should you act on a date? As if you want to be there. You should be courteous, on your company behavior, think of it as a trial run if you must. Remember the other person deserves a decent shot even if he or she does not end up being the love of your life. Do you think you’ll know on the first date? Most of us think we will if our lives unfold similar to a movie script. I’ve met the love of my life and I didn’t know on the first date. He didn’t know either.

We met at a restaurant so the security issue was taken in consideration. We both dressed appropriately for our date. We didn’t engage in heavy drinking or rowdy behavior. We didn’t take phone calls and made entertaining conversation, or at least I thought I did. The end result was a second follow-up date with someone I regarded as a nice guy. This should really be our aim as opposed to finding the love of our life in one night.

First dates are not for personal grilling as if you’re an FBI profiler. Personal topics such as ability to father future children, getting married, and threesomes are off-limits. Ladies, it is not okay to ask the guy how much he makes. Would you like it if he asked how much you weighed? Exes are never good conversational topics. Save politics and religion for another day too. Keep your conversation light and low key. Do you want people you don’t know prying into your personal life? Probably don’t enjoy your relatives doing this, why put your date through this.

First dates are for getting to know the person well enough to find out if you’d be interested in knowing more. This isn’t possible when you make the decision not to play your part in the conversation.  If you had plans in acting this way if the person didn’t prove to be your true love, then you probably should have never accepted the invitation. The sad truth is your true love will take a pass on you and your rude date behavior. Trust me this type of info does get around.

If you think your date is horrible, don’t take it on yourself to tell him or her everything that is wrong. You will not be helping. In fact, you’ll be little more than a bully. Unfortunately, your date may have paid for  the privilege of being degraded and publicly humiliated. Not something he’ll soon forget.

Your date went through some of the same fears as you getting ready for your date. He may have harbored some of the same hopes that you might be the one. He could have suffered similar disappointment that you weren’t as charming in person as in emails. But for one moment in time, two single people agreed to go out on a date with the presumption of having a good time. You can have a good time, treat each other well, and agree to part amicably. Everything does not have to be a big drama where you bemoan your fate at being matched up with a loser. You chose to go out on the date. Make the best of it because you never know if your date has a sibling, a cousin, or a co-worker who would be perfect for you.

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