Friday, August 3, 2012

Not Waiting

Maybe you imagine your old boyfriend waiting for you like the man on the bench. Hoping desperately you'll come back to him when your current fling ends. Think again.

Ever been dropped by a guy in a rude manner? Maybe he decided to date your sister or your best friend. Your ex-husband may have even traded you in for a younger, firmer model. The general message you received was that you weren’t good enough. Would you come running when he called? I hope not because you’d be more the fool. If he did it once, he’ll do it again. Okay, most women understand this, but why do they expect men to wait?

A woman could be dating a good man who treats her well when a bad boy roars up on a motorcycle or an old boyfriend pops by to chat. Suddenly the woman has mixed feelings because she wants the stability of her steady boyfriend, but the thrill of the chase.  It's odd she goes chasing the illusion that will never become real.  Weeks, maybe months later, she returns to the normal guy and wants to pick up where they left off. She's miffed that he doesn’t want to resume their relationship; she even feels victimized. Why didn’t the man wait?

1.      Dropping a guy suddenly and expecting him to take up with you shows an incredible disrespect. Your desertion screamed he was worthless to you.

2.       If you did this once, you’ll do it again in so many different ways.

3.     People  are not posessions. You lost any claim when you walked away.

4.       If he allows you to come back then he tolerates your cheating. In the days of 200+ STDs, a person can’t tolerate promiscuity in his partner.

5.       You’re not that special. There are plenty of women just like you or better.

6.  There are women more loyal than you. You may think he didn't know about your cheating before you left. He's figured it out.

              7.   Other women have their eye on your rejected man and he looks good to them.

              8.       Your man can and will find someone twice as attractive as you.

                9.    If he wanted to take you back; his friends and relatives will insist he doesn’t.

10.   There’s also a good chance you cleaned out his bank account and  house when you left. He can’t afford to wait for you.

11.   Your former boyfriend now has the ability to see you for what you really are, obviously not the woman for him.

12.   If the two of you were meant to be, then you wouldn’t have left in the first place.

13.   When you dropped him like a test tube of Ebola virus, he underwent a period of emotional and mental despair and questioning. He’d like to forgo any future episodes.

14.   If  you're woman who needs more than one man to fill her need for attention. Obviously, your former man doesn’t want to stand in line and wait his turn to get to you.

15.   The man isn’t a toy you put on the shelf and expect to be there when your current bad boy  gets tired of you.

16.   Your call, text, or even impromptu visit will not make him think of how he can’t live without you. Instead, it will underscore how shabbily you treated him.

17.   There is no rule he has to take you back. You’re a fool if you think there is. He’s a fool if he does take you back.

18.   This type of behavior is reminiscent of junior high. Your ex-boyfriend has decided to date grown-up women for a change.

19.   Ironically, if he takes you back you won’t respect him. The reason is that he allows himself to be so devalued.  If you treated him bad before, it will only be worse the second time around.

20.   Men you expect to wait for you are second stringers or backup boyfriends, not quite good enough for your complete devotion. The guy you left behind found out he could be a first stringer for someone else.

Women seem to love songs where Adele croons about showing up at her ex-lover’s house wondering why they can’t hang out for old times’ sake. She tries to chat him up; despite the fact, he’s married and moved on. She tells him she’ll find someone just like him and hopes he has a good life. Several things are wrong with this scenario. You don’t go looking up old boyfriends unless you hope to separate them from their current squeeze. You can call it whatever you want, but showing up on an old lover’s doorstep is stalker-like.

If a man participates in the same behavior, he’s labeled a stalker and slapped with a restraining order. Women on the other hand get to take consolation via popular songs that they can get drunk and call their old boyfriends, show up unannounced,  leave provocative texts and eventually get back together.

Think twice before dropping your current guy because he’s not going to wait for you. He shouldn’t wait for you. Remember that fellow who treated you like trash? All your girlfriends predicted horrible endings for him. When you dump your current guy, to chase after someone else, you become that guy. You do have a right to do whatever you want. Some women are always afraid of missing out. They want to grab all the men they possibly can, which they do. Just don’t expect your current man to wait around for you because he isn’t.

If he did, I’d almost suspect he wasn’t a prize at all.

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