Thursday, January 1, 2015

What Are Your 2015 Dating Resolutions?

The Huffington Post published a very insightful article about why women aren’t getting what they want from a dating relationship. There was much backlash from people who didn’t like it. Upset, it didn’t fit their parameters of dating relationships. You can read the article in its entirety here. The long story short is women engaging in attention-getting behavior to attract men, devaluing themselves in doing so. Anyone saying what yet?

·         Women are increasingly desperate in their actions from sexting, allowing a man to move in without the benefit of commitment, trying to act out various scenes from Fifty Shades of Grey, and sex on the first date. All in the belief this will magically translate into utter devotion on the man’s part.

·    Women aren’t acting as if they’re important. Instead, they are engaged in questionable behaviors, chasing down the elusive commitment. At times, it seems like a buyers’ market and women are willing to do anything to catch the buyer’s eye.

·         Moving in does not signal the desired commitment. For the man it is cheaper with  shared or no rent and guaranteed sex. When things don’t work out, he has no issue leaving because he has the belief there are plenty of women to cater to him. (Not sure how much validity there is behind this belief.)

·         Before thinking there are so many women out there ready to allow a guy to move in, make a sex tape, have his way paid, step back and consider if you want this kind of a man? Are you looking for a loser who will suck all the vitality and hope out of you before moving on? Are you constantly involved with people of this caliber? If so, you need to change your game plan.

·         Expect more. You’re worth it. Looking back on my own history, I went out with a series of users. Treated me bad, no matter how good I was to them. Nothing changed until I understood what was going on and I discovered the power of NO. Sometimes, it was, “No, I won’t go out with you,” to “No, I refuse to allow myself to be treated in that manner.”

·         Steve Harvey in his book, Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man refers to the chirp-chirp girl, who jumps into a car when the man activates the key fob. Steve discovered when dating his wife she refused to get out of the car until he came around to open the door. She showed him she was worthy of respect. Most women vault out of car believing they aren’t worthy of respect.

·         Consider the last year. Do you regret the time and effort spent on non-viable relationships or just dating? Know when to cut bait. Often we continue seeing people that have no possibility of ever developing into anything, or into anything good. Dating just to be dating often jades you and gives off an air of desperation, and not confidence, of a sought after female. A confident, content woman can enjoy her own company, turn down inappropriate dates, and never ever stalks her ex on social media.

·         If you are looking for a long-term relationship, expect it to develop slowly. That’s how real life works, not a bit like a ninety-minute movie. Magazines, movies, even songs idealize love at first sight, falling in love in a week, chucking the world and going off together. These ideas are appealing because they are fiction, rather like being Superman. No female expects to turn into Superman, but she does expect to meet a man seeking marriage in a bar. Better chance at becoming Superman.

·         Take a long look at some of the extremes women are going to do to attract attention. When you see other females doing it, do you think over the top, sad, pathetic, or do you think I wish I was her? Let that be your guide when choosing behavior.

·         Your history can serve as a guide as what not to do. Different guys don’t mean a different result. Your behavior could be the issue.

·         Two perfectly okay people meet & it’s not all flowers and butterflies. Even if someone is perfectly acceptable, it’s no reason to force a relationship.

·         It’s better to be happy and alone than miserable in an abusive or apathetic relationship.

·         Refuse to be the covert girlfriend. No public dates or meeting friends, co-workers, or family means he doesn’t really consider that the two of you are dating. It usually means he’s already in a relationship.

·         Hold back. Instead of texting him all the time, tagging him in social media, buying him thoughtful small gifts, Don’t. It only makes you look needy. It also leaves you with no way to up your game. A man, hoping to wow his first date, ordered a limo which took her to a very exclusive restaurant, then the theater. He did get a second date, but his date expected the same treatment or better for the rest of their short dating relationship. His date felt cheated when he didn’t repeat the performance. The man decided he couldn’t maintain this particular relationship. If they started out with a dinner at a chain restaurant things might have worked out.

·         Throw away your preconceptions about who is your idea mate/date. Often we limit our dating pool by considering only people of a certain age, size, height, race, etc.

·         Work on being the type of person you’d like to date. Like really does attract like.

·         Finally, no ultimatums for yourself or anyone else. This is not a make it or break it year. It is a year of being your most authentic self, embracing the world as you find it, not as how you imagine it to be, living in the moment, and simply being real. You may find yourself falling in love…with yourself, life, experiences, and possibly a special someone. Made even more special because he wasn’t someone you’d ever consider looking at twice in 2014, but 2015 was the year your eyes opened.

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