Sunday, January 25, 2015

How Gender Myths Hurt Your Dating Potential

What gender myths do you believe? You’ve heard them. Men are strong and silent while women are chatty and social. Men are only interested in sex, while women want a good provider and father of future children. Men lie and women deceive. Bad boys score while decent men are left in the dust. What if everything you thought you knew was just a lie, a myth created by some forgettable person, but the power of the myth lives on, crippling people in search of a meaningful relationship.

Most of us have heard endless tales of how nurturing and wonderful women are, being natural mothers.  Several crime stories of mothers who not only abused and killed their own children, but also attacked other people’s children made us rethink the natural assumption that all women would be a good mother. Judges continue to award custodial rights to women who aren’t fit mothers. One reason is men aren’t considerate caregivers according to current beliefs, but plenty of men have taken the role of the stay at home parent, chaperoning playgroups and supporting home life.

Another myth is the bad boy always gets the girl. Sometimes, this is true if it mean he gets the girl for one night or on the short term. Often women even marry the bad boy, but soon abandon him when he proves an unworthy partner or parent. On the other hand, the stable man tends to attract a long-term relationship. Television and media lionized the player, but seriously, there is nothing worse than an aging player cruising a bar.

Myths, urban legends, or whatever you call them, have a purpose, but not information or truth. Often it is to support a viewpoint by whoever created them. A recent study indicated that men had no issue being committed or faithful, especially with a limited supply of women. The general purpose besides love was practicality. Why take a chance on a good thing by shopping around? It makes sense. If men were the hopeless players they're characterized as, then they wouldn’t be able to stay in a relationship.

Women initiate over seventy percent of divorces in the United States, but not always for cheating or abuse. Often the man’s only crime is being ordinary, not the romantic movie hero. Not quite what you see on television. Often people, who should never have married, do. Men are more willing to tolerate a mediocre marriage than women are. Not quite the image of the middle aged husband chasing after the young intern. It doesn’t mean that some don’t, but not enough to make it a fact.

Does this make you wonder what other myths you believe without any actual proof? Proof is relative. If you have a bad day, then a negative filter changed the everyday occurrences. The same day, looked through a positive lens, is totally different.

Are you judging people based on a combination of myths and stereotypes?  The man you never heard from didn’t call because he was commitment phobic as opposed to the mixed messages you may have sent. It’s easy to dismiss people according to accepted myths. Rejecting someone before they can reject you is an excellent way to prevent emotional hurt. It also keeps you single.

There are men who want a serious relationship. Another myth buster is high earning women who are the breadwinners in the family. It’s odd we can accept this one, but have an issue believing men can be loyal and committed to one woman. It’s amazing when you think about it because millions of men do just that, but you never hear about them. What’s up with that?  

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