Numbers Angle: Dating Multiple Men

For those who just dropped into the blog I am detailing how to date like a man. Men seem to enjoy dating so much more than women. Ever wonder why? They approach it differently. A guy might think he gets to go to dinner with an attractive woman. He gets food, good conversation, maybe some wine and some entertaining thoughts about getting closer to the woman.

The woman on the other hand might decide ten minutes into the date that he’s not the one. Maybe he did something that reminded her of her old boyfriend. He could have said something about the Colts’ last game and her old beau was a Colts fan, which means he’s a loser. The next ninety minutes are pure misery as she answers questions her date so gamely plies her with. The following day she whines to her girlfriends that she shaved her legs for that! There can also be a reversal of the scenario too, but in the end it’s a numbers game. Men know this.

If you aren’t out there meeting people how can you expect to meet perspective dates? If you don’t go out a great deal, then how will you know if a guy is right for you? Too many of us followed the Victorian period concept that there is only one perfect man or woman for us. Sometimes we moan and groan he got away. In my case, he died. Well, that could be the end of it. I’ll never meet anyone like that again. The truth is I won’t because everyone is different. I used to joke that I wanted to date the male equivalent of myself I did that once. It wasn’t as great as I thought it would be, but I would never had known unless I got out there and played the dating numbers game.

Ladies, if you’re open to it. Everyday is full of opportunities if you want it to be. There are men who want to go out with you. The only man who comes to my house and rings the doorbell is the UPS man and lately it’s been the UPS woman. :( Decide first if you’re open to it. I entertained myself in the summer by watching a television show called Plain Jane. The premise is a socially awkward woman is transformed into a beautiful confident woman so she can pursue her secret crush. Often her crush did not return her interest, but she learned something important how to talk to men in everyday situations. I watched shy women’s flirting efforts with great interest. This was something I never did before talk to random men. The woman had to signal she was open to flirting.

She did this by being aware of her surroundings. Her head was up, shoulders back, she strode with a confident gait, and she smiled occasionally signaling she was approachable. If an attractive man made eye contact she held it showing she was open to flirting. If the guy didn’t say something first, she did. In a few words, she may find out he’s married, in a relationship, gay or interested. How many men do we pass every day that might be exactly what we are looking for? Most of you are snickering about this because it was television. This doesn’t happen in real life. It has happened to me, but not until I was approachable did I receive it.

I used to like to go to the grocery on Thursday because of the new sales promo, but that seemed to be the day all the chatty men went. Little did I know when they were asking me what cheese with well with what wine they were trying to strike up a conversation. It didn’t hit me until my friend Charmaine mentioned she always asked attractive men their opinion on a wine after checking out their left hand first. Then my handsome son complained that these older women were always asking his opinion on wine in the grocery. The mating game was going on in the grocery only I wasn’t a part of it. :(

You can’t work the numbers if you don’t meet people. Simple math, really. Many times we close down men’s advances because we decide immediately they aren’t our type. My sister cracks me up because she seems to think I should only date men that I would look good with in a magazine fashion spread. Someone about my build and coloring, maybe a little taller than me, if such a man existed I think I would call him brother. My daughter thinks I should date reasonably fit men since exercise is so important to me. My daughter may have a point because it is much easier to find a fit guy than fashion layout material. Probably one of the most engaging men I’ve met is far from a fashion model, but he has charm. I would have missed him if I held on to the outdated version of what my type is.

By meeting as many men as possible I can explore what my type might be currently. Be open to seeing a variety of people. You might discover someone you may have overlooked before. When you make yourself approachable, please note I mean well-groomed and friendly, not slutty, you’ll be amazed at how many men you will meet. Most of them are just looking for an opening. The other day I met a man while waiting in line at the post office on my lunch hour. When I walked up behind him, he turned and looked as people do whenever anyone enters their personal bubble. His eyes lit up and he smiled, signaling he was definitely approachable. Flustered, I looked away from the immediate invitation. The line was long so I decided to talk to him, which was relatively easy. He lingered at the door after his transaction maybe waiting for me to finish mine. No such luck I had to repackage my priority mail Christmas box. An opportunity lost, but there will be more, if I am open to them.

It is amazing that there are so many single people in the world when so many people are trying to meet people. We women talk about wanting alpha men, but we rebuff their attempts at pursuing without even knowing it. Do you think the guy in the grocery really wanted my opinion on what dog biscuit would be best for his dog? What am I a dog food expert? If I was with it I would have known three things about him: he’s single, he’s interested,and he’s a dog person. So far, so good, instead I showed him my dog’s preferred treat and headed off to the frozen food section.

There’s another thing I forgot to mention about the numbers games, rejection doesn’t hurt as much. I’ve been rejected a dozen times for different reasons, but I can’t even remember the guys’ names. This is from a person who sees lots of familiar faces, but can’t recall many names, though. :) Keep in mind, there is someone else out there who will be attracted to you. It’s because you're a confident, approachable woman, who wouldn’t want to be near you?

Tell me how the numbers game has worked for you? Good or bad I would like to hear both sides of the stories. Remember I’m just telling you how to date like a man. I haven’t offered any conclusive results yet since I’m still in the research and testing mode myself.

The Confidence Game

The first step to dating like a man is self confidence. Act like you are the most wonderful person in the room. Anyone should be glad to know you. If they aren’t anxious to meet you then that’s their loss. I know some of you are shaking your heads thinking that you could never pull this off. I did say ACT. That’s the secret fake it until you make. Why act self confident if you’re not feeling it?

Neediness is the opposite of confidence. It is number one on the list of things that drive men away. A woman lacking self confidence telegraphs desperation. She feels like she can never land a man so she dates anyone who asks her out. Then she usually sleeps with the guy on the first date since that is all she thinks she has to offer. She immediately begins to text, email and call. Maybe she buys him gifts and drops them off at work or home. No wonder the guy runs off screaming which confirms her belief that she has nothing to offer. A worse scenario is the guy hangs around and uses the woman. He keeps her in place by insulting her making her think she can’t do better.

Often when we see men swarming around a woman we make up stories why men are attracted to her without knowing the real reasons. First, is that she dresses like a slut. The second is she is a slut. That somehow eases our mind about her appeal. Some of you might think. I don’t know want to attract all the guys, just one special one. I’m with you on that, but that one special guy will still be attracted by the same thing every other red-blooded man is…and it’s not the fishnet stockings coupled with black leather mini-skirt. Sure, men look—we women look usually we say something like, “OMG, she goes out in public like that.” or “Wonder where I can get that skirt?”

To be a self confident woman, you have to embrace that you are enough right now. Too many women believe a man or a loss of another ten pounds will make them happy—not true. The decision to live in the moment makes the difference. Accept yourself where you’re at, pursue interests you’ve always wanted to, and believe in yourself. Face your fears head on.

My fear was that I would become a lonely, old woman with cats. First of all, I’m not a cat person. Second, I’m fairly involved so I don’t spend a great deal of time alone. Age is relative. I met men much younger than me who seemed much older than me. As for alone, I could be, there have definitely been times in my life when I’ve been alone. It was certainly better than being in bad relationship. Once you’ve accepted your fears they no longer rule you.

A confident, happy person is in the world. They are aware of their surroundings, their positive mood is contagious. Most of us have two types of friends. One type makes us feel happy and upbeat, we usually find ourselves laughing when we are around them. The other type can be fairly clingy and always wants to relate long winded stories starring them as the victim. The happy ones we long to see them when we’re apart. Now the second type you see coming and wonder how you can cut the conversation short. The big difference is the happy person focuses on the people around them while the victim friend is obsessed by her own issues. All people, men included, like people who are interested in them. Take the spotlight off yourself. Focus on others. See other people for who they are and not for what they can do for you.

You’re in the grocery store when a man comes striding down the aisle with a mini-cart (tell-tale sign of possible singlehood.) The man has his shoulders back, head up and is smiling. He scans the shelves and the people. Your eyes meet and you automatically smile you can’t help yourself. He may say something and you find yourself answering. The encounter may last mere seconds, but suddenly you feel different, happier. His upbeat mood spilled over onto you. He focused on you. Now do you see why self confidence is so attractive?

Today, practice smiling at people you’ll have no clue how many people’s days you brighten with just your smile. It is the first step in your self confidence journey. Often we pay attention to our outward appearance and not enough to our inner self. Surprisingly, I’ve had great encounters with mud on my jeans and a ball cap hiding my hair because I focused on the other person.

Believe in yourself right now. You are okay today. I always thought when I lost a few pounds I might be sexy, then, I started belly dancing. I discovered women larger than myself wowing the audience with their sexy mood and attitude. In performance we’re taught to own the room. We’re also taught to act like we’re IT. Surprisingly, our attitude is reflected back by the audience. Not surprisingly, if we put ourselves down we’ll find people who will treat us the same way. If we believe we are truly great people and well worth knowing them we’ll attract the same.

The first step to be irresistible is to believe it yourself. Right now, look in the mirror, and tell yourself you’re fine. I know it sounds silly, but we spend so much time doing negative talk—why not positive talk? When you act like you’re wonderful everything changes making you into a person people want to be around.

Sure, you’ll meet creeps, jerks, users, but as self confident women who know their worth you simply kick them to the curb and go on. Of course, they’re attracted to you who wouldn’t be? You, my friend, are meant for better men.

Go out today, live in the moment, be your personal best, smile---see if your day doesn’t change for the better. I would love to hear about your day and what believing in yourself as done for you? Confidence spills over on everything. My new surge of confidence allowed me to face down the office bully, not exactly what I was expecting, but a definite plus.