Investment Dating

Those of you who are in the dating market do not think of it as an investment unless you consider the payout being a devoted companion by your side. Some see dating very much as an investment. Most of us see it as an expense, a large one. There’s the financial outlay of an online dating account, keeping up appearances, which can include salon visits, gym membership, and a new wardrobe. Then there’s the actual date itself, which you may or may not pay for, but you do spend gas or transport money to arrive.

One column, not mine, brought up mercenary daters. I thought I’d highlight a few and throw in a few of my own.

1.       The Job Related Date - This person is willing to date you because you are the gatekeeper to a job he or she wants. In the old days, starlets earned their movie roles on the casting couch. They may still, but it’s less obvious.

2.       Dinner Date - This is a very hard one to pin down since most people go out to dinner. You can go out to dinner and not want to see the person again. How do you differentiate? If your ability to provide food is your primary attraction, then your date will be specific about what types of food he or she wants. Often, they’re expensive restaurants. At times, you’ll feel as if you’re on a fine dining tour of the city. Other tells are never meeting friends or family, and not extending the date past the dining portion. In other words, if you never get past the front door you’re a meal buddy.

3.       The Hanger On - No worries about this one unless you’re famous. This person cleverly inserts herself into a celebrity’s life. Ever wonder why so many famous married men end up with the nanny? Rather odd, considering there are thousands of women out there. In most cases, this was the nanny’s original intention. There are other ways to work your way into a celebrity household, as a stylist or a personal assistant. These jobs don’t require a degree. All they consist of is a few references, motivation, and lots of moxie.

4.       The Groupie – This is like the previous person but has a much shorter shelf life. These glammed up people stay after the concert hoping to meet the star as opposed to stampeding for the exits like everyone else. Sometimes they do, but their shining moment seldom lasts more than a night.

5.       Social Climbers - These people know the social register and choose their dates accordingly. It has always been easier for women to date up. A beautiful girl could always marry up the social ladder, but recently this hasn’t been the case since like tends to marry like. This is a tricky one too because if someone is from a different economic background, it doesn’t mean he or she is dating you for yours. In fact, yours might even be a sticking point. A telling move is when they want to attend all the high profile gatherings and name-drop it into casual conversation with others when they do.

6.       The Classic Gold Digger – This is a bombshell or the hunky man candy who doesn’t have anything in common with their affluent, older date. They’re in it for the money only. Keep in mind; their date is in it for appearances and is willing to pay the price. When I made my obnoxious rich man dating profile, I was shocked by the number of gorgeous young women who contacted me. Instead of wanting to make a love connection, they only wanted a sugar daddy one. It’s equal opportunity time with younger men crooning about how much they love older, wealthy women. (They never mention the wealthy part to their date’s face.)

7.       The Possession Date – They want the use of something you have. It could be a plane, a yacht, even a motorcycle. It doesn’t mean he or she wants this item independent of you but likes the concept of using it. To some degree, it is a fetish. A man with a yacht is hot; same man without a yacht is boring.

8.       Trophy Wife – This is a bit of a stereotype by now. Often people assume trophy status when they see mismatched couples. The truth is men marry more for looks while women marry more for personality and earning capability. You really should know if you’re in a trophy type of relationship.

9.       Travel Bunny – A person who has the ability to travel anywhere with you at any time. Translation: doesn’t have an actual job or does not intend to keep one. This free spirit can go wherever the plane takes him or her as long as someone else foots the bill. Travel is his or her aphrodisiac. Of course, this relates to glamorous international travel, not visiting industrial sites stateside.

10.   Sports Fan - This person is another form of a groupie but confines herself to athletes. The athletes exert a type of magnetic pull. Although an injured athlete garners no interest unless it looks like he might play again.

There are a dozen dating sites out there for women to meet wealthy older men. With names such as Gold Digger, Sugar Daddy, Millionaire, they aren’t exactly subtle. Participants should be well aware that love isn’t what they’re trolling for. For those who aren’t on these sites and feel like you’re being used, listen to your instincts and your friends.

If you think you are being used, then you probably are. The majority of people bend over backward to develop stories about how wonderful their date is no matter how untrue it is. Dating is work at times. It isn’t a continual party as many of your married friends think it is. In the end, we want a date to work out. However, if you’re being used, eventually you’ll be used up.

Carrot Dating

Brandon Wade is in the news again with Carrot Dating. The concept is a simple one. The man dangles an item of worth in front of a woman to get her to go out with him. Depending on the woman, it could be as small as a tank of gas or as large as an exotic vacation for one date.  An actual relationship could bankrupt most men. The general backlash against this dating app is that it sounds like prostitution. Only most hookers don’t charge as much.

This isn’t Wade’s first attempt in dating for money.  He developed a sugar daddy site that paired up older, generous men with sweet young things that wanted to spend daddy’s money. He also made up the site What’s Your Price where men bid on dates with women as if at an auction. Then he had a travel site where generous men purchased travel companions. They used the word linked as opposed to purchased.

One irate woman’s response to Wade’s dating app was that it was just for loser guys who have to purchase women and gold digger females. One man pointed out that it wasn’t that different from traditional dating where the man pays for everything, from the transportation, dinner, and entertainment with an average date running between $60 and $75. If the date expects you to wine and dine her and fill up her car, then things are even pricier.

Keep in mind, carrot dating guarantees nothing. The woman may dislike the man, not render him the affectionate end to the night he thought he was entitled, and probably never see him again unless she needs another tank of gas.  How is this different from holding tickets to a black tie gala, sold out Broadway show, or even prime seats at the Superbowl? There isn’t too much difference.  Thousands of women have gone out once with a man they wouldn’t look at normally to attend a premier event.

In fantasyland, the woman realizes the man is kind of cool and they keep seeing each other. In reality, she tells her girlfriends about all the celebrities she saw when she isn’t ridiculing her date.

One of the problems with carrot dating is that it demeans even those who don’t even participate in it. Women are generalized as unfeeling gold diggers who will jump into anyone’s luxury auto if offered a big enough incentive.  Men are told they don’t matter as a person, only their wallet matters.

Peggy Drexler, Huffington Post Author, added, “By casting men as the chasers and women as the chased, the values and actions encouraged by Carrot Dating promote sexism, violence against women and other gender imbalances that men and women have worked for years to counter.”

Carrot dating has been going on without Brandon Wade’s help.  I can remember expensive social events like the prom when even an unpopular guy could get a date. Most girls didn’t want to miss their own prom and would often go out with whoever asked them.

Single men complain of being used to pick up restaurant tabs for dates who had no interest in them from the get go and used them for a free meal. Texting during the date, trying not to converse, or even boxing up dinner and leaving early are all sure signs of a meal ticket usage.

Dates are a gamble. Everyone hopes to meet someone who will like and maybe love him or her. Does buying your date carrots secure more leverage? Not really, no more than a woman buying an expensive purse or shoes for the date makes the man into a romantic heartthrob. In the end, the woman still has the shoes and purse.

It all depends on what you want. If you want a date with a woman who probably can’t even stand you, but could use the trinket, trip or tank of gas you dangle, then go for it. All you have to lose is your self-esteem and a whole bunch of money.

As for the women, let me warn you that men who resort to such schemes are no winners. You’ll figure this out on your first date. When you try to brush them off, they won’t take it kindly. They’ll consider you owe them or maybe that they own you. They won’t go away easy either. Think twice before you take that particular carrot.