Friday, November 15, 2013

Carrot Dating

Brandon Wade is in the news again with Carrot Dating. The concept is a simple one. The man dangles an item of worth in front of a woman to get her to go out with him. Depending on the woman, it could be as small as a tank of gas or as large as an exotic vacation for one date.  An actual relationship could bankrupt most men. The general backlash against this dating app is that it sounds like prostitution. Only most hookers don’t charge as much.

This isn’t Wade’s first attempt in dating for money.  He developed a sugar daddy site that paired up older, generous men with sweet young things that wanted to spend daddy’s money. He also made up the site What’s Your Price where men bid on dates with women as if at an auction. Then he had a travel site where generous men purchased travel companions. They used the word linked as opposed to purchased.

One irate woman’s response to Wade’s dating app was that it was just for loser guys who have to purchase women and gold digger females. One man pointed out that it wasn’t that different from traditional dating where the man pays for everything, from the transportation, dinner, and entertainment with an average date running between $60 and $75. If the date expects you to wine and dine her and fill up her car, then things are even pricier.

Keep in mind, carrot dating guarantees nothing. The woman may dislike the man, not render him the affectionate end to the night he thought he was entitled, and probably never see him again unless she needs another tank of gas.  How is this different from holding tickets to a black tie gala, sold out Broadway show, or even prime seats at the Superbowl? There isn’t too much difference.  Thousands of women have gone out once with a man they wouldn’t look at normally to attend a premier event.

In fantasyland, the woman realizes the man is kind of cool and they keep seeing each other. In reality, she tells her girlfriends about all the celebrities she saw when she isn’t ridiculing her date.

One of the problems with carrot dating is that it demeans even those who don’t even participate in it. Women are generalized as unfeeling gold diggers who will jump into anyone’s luxury auto if offered a big enough incentive.  Men are told they don’t matter as a person, only their wallet matters.

Peggy Drexler, Huffington Post Author, added, “By casting men as the chasers and women as the chased, the values and actions encouraged by Carrot Dating promote sexism, violence against women and other gender imbalances that men and women have worked for years to counter.”

Carrot dating has been going on without Brandon Wade’s help.  I can remember expensive social events like the prom when even an unpopular guy could get a date. Most girls didn’t want to miss their own prom and would often go out with whoever asked them.

Single men complain of being used to pick up restaurant tabs for dates who had no interest in them from the get go and used them for a free meal. Texting during the date, trying not to converse, or even boxing up dinner and leaving early are all sure signs of a meal ticket usage.

Dates are a gamble. Everyone hopes to meet someone who will like and maybe love him or her. Does buying your date carrots secure more leverage? Not really, no more than a woman buying an expensive purse or shoes for the date makes the man into a romantic heartthrob. In the end, the woman still has the shoes and purse.

It all depends on what you want. If you want a date with a woman who probably can’t even stand you, but could use the trinket, trip or tank of gas you dangle, then go for it. All you have to lose is your self-esteem and a whole bunch of money.

As for the women, let me warn you that men who resort to such schemes are no winners. You’ll figure this out on your first date. When you try to brush them off, they won’t take it kindly. They’ll consider you owe them or maybe that they own you. They won’t go away easy either. Think twice before you take that particular carrot.  


  1. While I agree "Carrot Dating" is a stupid idea, and quite probably one of the more demoralizing ones to come out in recent years, I strongly disagree with other statements in this post. Traditional gender roles do not in any way encourage violence against women, nor do they impact anything that feminism fought to gain years ago. The point of feminism was to give women choices and freedom, was it not? To make the world see women as people, not simply walking baby factories.

    Yet, it seems feminism now means we have to embrace equality between men and women and that traditional gender roles are bad, bad, bad. If a woman desires to be a stay-at-home mom, relying on her husband to be the bread winner, there must be something wrong with her. Wanting a man with old-fashioned manners who will pick her up at her house, pay for dinner and court her, is wrong and an obvious sign of a gold-digger.

    Choices. Freedom. There's someone for everyone. Even old-fashioned women who enjoy traditional gender roles.

    1. Hi Angel,
      I'm not the person who thought the tradition gender roles create violence in a relationship, Found the theory a little far-featched. I'm only combining information from various articles. I agree people should have freedom to be make decisions.

      More men than ever are becoming Mr. Mom totally changing the accepted roles. I grew up in a household of non-traditional roles, and it has been an eye opener and a struggle to now be the in traditional gender role relationship. Not unhappy though, just entering into a different realm. It is more like living in a foreign country where I don't speak the language.