Saturday, December 18, 2010
Are You A Good Girl?
Ask yourself when a date comes to your house, do you offer to get him something to drink, even offer him a snack? Maybe he’s so divine, that you want to show him what you think of him and you buy him a cute gift that reminded you of him. Worse yet you find yourself offering to do things for him from getting him an appointment at your exclusive hair salon or dropping him off at the car service center? If you do any of these things then you’re probably a good girl, especially if you only had ONE date.
Good girls believe they have to earn a man’s love by doing nice things for him. It isn’t surprising that they continue to do nice things for their man until the man takes off with a not so nice girl. What happened? I was good to him…and you were, that’s what did it.
I was watching the end of the show, Millionaire Matchmaker, when the matchmaker scolds the woman for cooking for the man on the first date. She reminds her client how you start a dating relationship is how you will carry it for the life of the relationship. If you start out by giving everything you have on the first date, what do you have to offer later? Anything less than everything will always seem small and petty to a man who got everything on the first date.
In Sherry Argov’s book, Why Men Love Bitches, she explains that a woman who gives very little in the early stages of the relationship will be greeted with a great deal of enthusiasm when she does little thoughtful gestures. Think about this—this is how we treat men. Whenever they make the smallest romantic gesture we react like they are king of the world.
Being the good girl is tiring too. I ended a relationship that was great for the man. He showed up at my house on weekends. I cooked dinner and did his laundry while he sat on my couch and watched television shows he liked. They were very boring shows I might add. Wonderful deal for him, but I felt I just adopted an overgrown kid. It was because I was a good girl and I was in the habit of waiting on him hand and foot. When I broke it off, he didn’t understand because everything was fine in his world. He liked the status quo, but I didn’t. I simply slipped into my role of nice girl when I was determined not to do it. What can I say I was raised in a traditional environment where the women stayed in the kitchen and cooked while the men watched sports. Sometimes I find myself doing things out of habit. Do men even want to be catered to?
Some of you are laughing because you think this is a no brainer, but allow me to offer you the evidence. Not everything we do for our guy is appreciated or wanted, but we define it as pampering. A friend of mine would make her husband a cheesecake from scratch every two weeks to pamper him. She made some great cheesecakes. She did this to indulge him, but after one especially trying week with work and the children she may have told him what he could do with his stupid cheesecake. It was then he revealed he never really like cheesecake he only said he liked it when they were dating so she would like him. All that work for nothing when she could have been doing something she wanted to do.
The nice girl runs around trying to make her man happy as opposed to making herself happy, which in the end makes her angry.. Here’s the deal, he doesn’t really appreciate it when you put on your NFL jersey and sit by him while he is watching the game because you’re doing it for him. Most of the time he doesn’t know you’re there and you resent him for this. Maybe you think he is ogling the cheerleaders and he is.:) A confident woman and goes out and does what she wants to do. There’s no reason to stay home and keep the chip bowl full. The man managed to survive before you showed up on the scene.
A woman who pursues her own interests instead of helping a man with his is more fun. Think about it, you go to your spin class, get in a little shopping, meet your girlfriends for lunch won’t this put you in a better mood than watching a game you couldn’t care less about in your good girl role? The happy woman comes home and sees her man and maybe thinks he looks cute in his rumpled jersey. The woman who fetched, carried and silently seethed for past three hours just wants to do something unpleasant to her guy with the empty chip bag. Let’s face it no one appreciates the good girl. She’s not getting any kudos from anyone. So why in the world do we do it?
My grandmother was an absolute traditionalist. She had to be because she was forced into an arranged marriage at the age of fourteen, which made her a poster child for the good girl. When her much older husband died, she swore never to marry again. Ironically, she met a shy bachelor at the great age of forty-eight. The big difference was she sat her earnest suitor down and explained that she would not wait on him hand and foot. She had interests that she intended to pursue. If he was still interested he needed to help out with the cleaning and the cooking. He was interested and agreeable. I never met a happier and more loving couple than my grandparents. I am very fortunate to see modeled what happens when a good girl goes rogue.
How about you, do you consider yourself a good girl, a bitch, a confident woman or combination of all three? Inquiring minds want to know…and so do I. Next week: Why Women Really Love Bad Boys