Thursday, March 17, 2011

Thinning Out The Herd

Right now, at this very moment, I am living the dream. If I wanted to I could go out every night with stable, professional men who will treat me like a lady while attempting to win me over. I’ve gone from wondering if there were any nice men left to an embarrassment of riches. Most of this is due to heavy research and being picky.

Yes, I did say picky. Colts’ Chaplain Ken Johnson tells girls in his motivational talks that if a guy doesn’t have a job, then he doesn’t have her. My attitude is if the guy doesn’t have a real career, then he doesn’t have me. Why not? I have a career I can relate to someone who has one too. Knowing what you wants provides talking points too.

So being persnickety, I decided on a college educated professional within five years of my age who actually reads in his spare time. Other hobbies would be nice too. I didn’t get hit all at once with available men. In fact, at first, the men I was matched with were not always appropriate. There was the temptation to go out with the inappropriate men just to be out, but then I would be back where I was before. I didn’t need that. Instead, I continued to believe in myself as the prize.

The leg work was done since my image was updated online and in the real word. My job was to believe and be approachable...all do-able things. Then it happened it was literally raining men. Everywhere I went I was meeting men when before I managed to pass by all of them. The big difference was I made eye contact and smiled. Suddenly, I was someone they could talk to and they did.

On my online profiles, I replied to those who contacted me as a matter of courtesy. Some of the men were agile enough to parlay that into a meeting. Honestly, I would have to say this time out I didn’t meet any jerks or stalkers. Instead I met professional men who wanted to be a part of a couple, definitely not players. As nice and appropriate as the men were some just were not contenders.

It was great if I could dismiss a man after one date because there was no emotional attachment. Some thought they liked me, but because they were staunchly conservative even wearing their GOP lapel pin I knew it wouldn’t be a good fit. With others my mind wandered while I was out on a date anxious to get home to see if a certain man contacted me. It was fairly easy to dismiss these men with a polite comment that I was sure they would find someone who was a much better fit.

The hard part about thinning out the herd was the gentleman I had been out on several dates with and had been reasonably content with until I discovered the chemistry wasn’t there. How did I discover the chemistry wasn’t there? Someone showed up who brought the chemistry. Then I had to decide to cut the non-chemistry man free, although he was aware I wasn’t dating him exclusively. It didn’t seem right to prevent him from seeking out someone else.

Most men are okay with a polite goodbye. Some even asked me to keep their numbers if I changed my mind. None of the drama that women sometimes use, but then we were not exclusive plus there are many more women out there. It is much harder when you’ve gone out eight or nine times. If I am not anything I’m transparent. No CIA operative here. Instead the men must know what is coming before it does. Many say they knew, but hoped I wouldn’t break it off. It is sad that they were willing to settle for a lukewarm dating relationship simply to have a relationship, but I wanted more.

I promised myself when I started my life over for the last time that this time would be different. My choice is to live life to its fullest. I want to give full rein to my love. To do this I will have to find the right person, not the perfect person, but someone who can handle the totality of who I am. Most aren’t able to handle it.

With that I am thinning out the herd with polite goodbyes. I am not worried that I am burning my bridges behind because even if I choose this time to walk down the wrong path I know there are plenty more paths out there. This time I know how to turn around and get my feet on the right path, but strangely enough, I have a feeling, an instinct maybe, that I am on the right path.


  1. Ah, the magic of chemistry and kissing. You're a smart woman to take your second chance so thoughtfully. I look forward to updates on the path you've chosen.

  2. Hi Joan,
    I am carefully making my way. As an intelligent woman, I decided to use my brain this time around and it has made all the difference. LOL