Monday, March 28, 2011

Someone to Watch Over Me

There is an old song crooned originally by a female singer called Someone to Watch Over Me. In the old black and white film, the singer sings soulfully of being a lamb lost in the woods. What she needs is a big, strong confident man to watch over her. In the period the song was written it was taken for granted that a woman struggled on her own only until her knight appeared on his trusty steed. Most women moved from their father’s house to their husband’s home. There was always someone to watch over them, but boy have things changed even if we think they haven’t.

A careful perusal of online male profiles all had one thing in common—they wanted a woman who was financially independent. In fact, they wanted someone to take care of them. A few more mentioned they wanted a good housekeeper and an excellent cook. Still others were specific that they wanted a sexually adventurous companion. They not only want someone to watch over them, pay the bills, cook the dinner, and wait in the bedroom with a riding crop.

Whatever happened to someone to watch over me? I never experienced it. My mother never had it since my father died young and left her laden with debt. Same thing happened with my grandmother. I’m wondering why we even expect this mythical behavior? We are trained by books, songs and movies that a handsome prince will lift us out of the ashes and carry us away. Think Pretty Woman. When it doesn’t happen, we moan and complain about our prince being late.

It’s time to be our own princes. It is past time we take responsibility for taking care of ourselves. It’s really what we already do, but while currently doing it we resent that some man isn’t busy sweeping all the obstacles out of our way. It isn’t going to happen. Wishing or wanting it to happen doesn’t make it so. It is freeing to be your own prince.

My daughter and I spotted a bookcase headboard at a neighborhood yard sale. It was perfect for the bed in the guestroom. The problem was getting it home. We tried my daughter’s car, which was too small. My even smaller car was a no go. My first thought was what I needed was a man and a truck. I wanted the headboard. We eventually thought we could carry it home, but it was heavy. After brainstorming, my daughter and I decided to use a skateboard to roll the headboard home. We managed to get the headboard home by working together.

So now, we can acknowledge that we are taking care of ourselves. We are watching over ourselves. Once I realized my place in the world, just maybe I might find someone to share it with. A person who isn’t looking for someone to watch over him rather will just stand beside me and hold my hand.

Maybe there is a man who is looking for a woman who can take care of herself as opposed to a dependent woman who expects everything to be done for her. Realistically, I don’t have time to wait on a man to do everything for me. I met one woman who was in her forties and waiting for her prince to come. She wanted to travel, but didn’t because she was waiting to share her travel adventures with her prince. Her failure to purchase the furniture she wanted went back to she didn’t want to buy anything that might offend her future mate. The irony in her waiting for her prince she may have eliminated all chances of meeting the man.

First, we have to realize there are no princes out there, except for Harry and he’s still up for grabs. Most men aren’t interested in a woman who is waiting. She is basically emotionally stunted and waiting for someone else to grow her into a full adult. Daddy isn’t coming. My waiting friend could have traveled to exotic places and in doing so may have met someone. At the very least, she could have had fun. Instead of waiting on someone to help her pick out furniture, she can buy what she wants. I find it hard to believe that a man and woman can’t meet, fall in love, and manage to combine furniture.

The problem with waiting for your prince is two-fold. No matter who you meet, no matter how great they really are, will not be enough because you’ve had plenty of time to build up a superhero boyfriend in your mind. Secondly, waiting to live your life makes you bitter. Think back about stereotypes you’ve heard about bitter old maids. Everyone assumes they never married because they are difficult, which may or may not be true. It is probably a definite they became bitter as they waited for life to come them in a form of a man instead of taking charge of their lives. There are also tales of free spirited women who live life fully without a man. They didn’t make the mistake of expecting a prince to sweep them off their feet. In turn, they may have swept a few men off their feet with their independence and zest for life.

The real question for all those in the dating pool: are you waiting on a prince instead of living the life you desire?


  1. So very very true! I know I was one of those waiting for the longest time. Lucky for me, I'm impatient. I stopped waiting and started going, doing, being. Being able to stand on her own makes a woman more attractive. I once joked that having a house and a job was the new size two super-model in the dating world. Nice post :)

  2. Kim,
    Love your photo and your comments. A comedian once joked a job looked good on a woman, but a career looked better especially with a benefits package. How true.