It’s Friday evening and I am shoulder deep into a hot bath as Elton John sings about a candle in the wind. I know he is talking about Marilyn Monroe. The blond beauty fascinated me as a teen and I devoured as many biographies about the sex symbol as I could lay my hands on. One written by her housekeeper entitled Marilyn Monroe: Confidential especially caught my attention because it explained her actions as an endless pursuit of love.
Marilyn dated and married famous men because she thought they would bring her that most desired gift: love. Most of her husbands and lovers viewed her more as an exotic flower they might collect. Her most well-known husband, Joe DiMaggio, was so intensely jealous of any man who even looked at Marilyn that he eventually drove her away. Her biography listed one heartache after another. The woman who epitomized beauty and physical love couldn’t actually hold onto love. She commented to her housekeeper that men loved her screen image, not who she was. All she really wanted was someone who could love her, Norma Jean…not Marilyn Monroe.
Marilyn’s desire to be loved for who she really was could be many women’s plea. Love who I am; not who you think I am. Princess Diana, whom Elton John modified the Candle song for experienced her own brush with elusive love. Diana actually married a prince, but they did not live happily ever after. Even though she professed to love her prince in the beginning, things didn’t work out. The question was did she fall for a princely image or did the prince propose to a woman he felt he could mold into his princess? Before she died, she stated she was in a love relationship, which shows even princesses are constantly looking for love, and like the rest of us, not always finding it immediately.
In fact, more than 50% married or committed couples feel like they aren’t in a love relationship. Divorce statistics prove that there are many differences of opinions of what constitute love after the 'I do’s.' The real question is what does love look like?
According to Dave Ramsey, the founder of Financial Peace University, love can be expressed to a woman via financial stability. Women are nesters and they appreciate the ability to keep the nest and occasionally re-feather it. Many men don’t understand this since they are hunters. Instead of nesting, they travel, leave stable jobs, and drag the wife and children along on the next great adventure. These women may not feel the love because they are constantly working to keep their home base intact. It is understandable that women who are forced to constantly abandon friends and family may not feel like they’ve captured love since they’re so off balanced
However, many men do understand stability. These same men work hard and maintain the family home. They show their love with actions, and yet their wives may still leave stating that he wasn’t loving or romantic enough. Their love language was different. He kept busy doing actions for his wife to say, “I love you” while she wanted long walks while holding hands. Author Gary Chapman explains the five types of love language on his website: http://www.5lovelanguages.com. On the website, there is a quiz to discover your love language and the love language of your sweetie.