Monday, April 25, 2011

When Is a Date a Booty Call?





The rule of thumb is when you think it is a booty call, then it is. Some women second guess themselves wonder if they are maligning their date thinking the worst of them. Here are a few hints:
1.No matter, what you talk about your date brings it back to sex. If you ask if he has any pets, he tells you he likes it doggy-style. Of course, you change the subject ignoring his innuendo.
2. He greets you with a kiss more appropriate for if he had been at sea for the last six years.
3. He helps you with your coat or chair, and manages to cop a feel in the process.
4.He tells you his ex-wife or previous girlfriend was cold in bed and he likes it hot. Do you remember ever asking about his ex in bed? Bet, you didn’t.
5. He compliments you on your toned body, suggesting that you would be very limber in bed. Suddenly that compliment got completely yucky.
6. He stares at your cleavage even when you are not wearing a revealing top. He is just waiting for his X-ray vision to kick in which is a “side benefit” from the male enhancement drug he purchased.
7. He slips off his shoes and gets frisky under the table. This is a good time to jump up and scream “rat” or “snake” either one should get the manager and get you gone.
8. He hints that there is a handy motel close by or his apartment is near. Surprise. Could he have actually planned this?
9. He starts humming, “Let’s Get Drunk and Screw.”
10. He encourages you to drink even after you told him you don’t want anything else.

Ladies, don’t take any of these signs as a compliment. Any willing female will do. If you are smart and walk out on him, he’ll start on the waitress or the hostess. Beware of the follow-up phone call where he begs for forgiveness and another chance. Read: I haven’t gotten lucky with anyone else so I am willing to try some new techniques on you.

Newly divorced women and long-time single women should recognize a booty call for what it is. As much as you want it to be some sort of offering before your altar of feminine attractiveness or a prelude to a relationship, it isn’t.

I asked a close, trusted male friend that if a woman goes to bed with a man too soon, would he drop her because she wasn’t very good in bed or would he keep seeing her if she was very good in bed. His reply shocked me. He stated emphatically that the man would always stop seeing her. His only purpose was to get her into bed once that happens the game is over. Really, I had to ask for confirmation. I always thought, as have many of you, if a woman was really good the man would stay. While he stayed a relationship would magically develop. I also believe in wishing on falling stars too.

He did qualify his statement though. Thank goodness. Otherwise, we’d have to give up on the male gender entirely. There are many thoughtful, stable men who want a long term relationship and they won’t initiate sex on the first date or for several dates thereafter, and when they do they are serious. No real problem with getting your booty call man confused with your thoughtful type.

Old boyfriends, even ex-husbands, can and will use you for a booty call. That call you get at the last minute or late at night when the guy just wants to come by your house to talk. Suggest IHOP or McDonalds for conversation, you’ll be surprised how he doesn’t want to talk anymore.

Don’t get excited because your ex called, it is more likely he is between women and you’re a sure thing. Isn’t there a reason, he’s an ex?

Then there the sympathetic ploy where something awful has happened and you’re the only person who would understand, read: sucker. Keep in mind, he has called everyone else he knows first before approaching you. He might even tell you you’re his last hope. Beware, this man knows you. He may have been scum when you were together, but he’s also scum who remembers how hot having the back of your neck kissed makes you. Don’t let him come over.

A few of you will explain that you might get back together. You might, but you’ll also break up again do you want that? You also might fall into a booty call relationship where he keeps showing up for sex and food. How do you know you’re in a booty call relationship? If the man isn’t wining and dining you, trying his best to woo you with extravagant gestures than you are probably perilously close if not in a booty relationship. It is especially telling if you never appear in public together, and I am talking about something more than Wal-mart.

Now that it’s been spelled out for you, you realized you been the victim of a booty call or you’re currently in a booty call realtionship. If you want mindless sex with someone who doesn’t care about you, feel free to continue. Keep in mind, all a man wants for a booty call is a willing female, preferably attractive, but definitely willing. If this sounds like you, drop him cold turkey. Don’t be polite. Politeness is viewed as a weakness. Don’t worry about him sticking around because he won’t. Every now and then, he might text you between females, especially when he’s drinking. Ignore it. It means nothing.

Now, you’re ready to consider what you really want. Don’t sigh over old hookups or booty calls, they never turn into worthwhile relationships. What would you have really? A man who was always trying to score with every female he encountered. Please, every woman deserves better than that.

2 comments:

  1. 100% right on. I dated only one man like this (I think) and as soon as I realized something was off, I dropped him. But, in hindsight, (I was very young at the time) I think he was actually married. The bum. I NEVER intentionally dated a married man. So watch out for that additional "charming" feature to the booty call man.

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  2. Carly,
    I'll keep my eyes peeled for this feature.

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