Ever feel like love died somewhere? Maybe hit by a fast moving semi and splattered on some unnamed road. Sometimes I feel that way. Other times I wonder why love comes so easily to others. That was the discussion when I saw my middle sister. We both are divorced and are constantly amazed that our older sister married a prince of a man when he was only the second person she dated. Over the years, we have discussed in detail why some women have all the luck to love and marry well. Here are a few possible answers.
Our sister was in the right place at the right time to meet her husband. If she stayed home and bemoaned the lack of eligible men, she would have never met him. Let’s face it ladies, we have to be out doing things to meet people. Not counting Jehovah Witnesses and the guy selling Kirby Vacuums, no one comes to your door. Sometimes your time is not the right time too. Because you want someone right now doesn’t mean the right man will come along when you want it, rather it is when you least expect it. Many couples, after they finally get together, find out they attended many of same events, even the same school or church without ever having met before.
I’ve talked before about being open to possibilities. Often we decide on a very narrow range of people we might actually accept as friends or lovers. Still, within that narrow range, we’re still not open. Are you making eye contact? Smiling? My oldest sister likes to retell the story of meeting her husband. She spotted him in a crowded college class that was putting her to sleep. The first thing she noticed besides his curly fro was the fact he seemed to understand what the prof was saying. When he turned and smiled at her, she smiled back. By being open, she soon found herself in a study group with this engaging man, even though he was nothing like her old boyfriend.
BE WILLING TO TRY AGAIN
I meet wonderful women all the time who confide they are unwilling to date again because they’ve been hurt. I understand. I guess it is all in what you want. Decide what you truly need. I need love and work. I’ve had some bad jobs, but I never thought to never work again. Working is essential to my life, so I went out and got another job. My goal was to get a job, not to hope to get close to getting one. There was no other option, but to get one. I believe you have to have the same approach to dating/love. You have to expect it will happen instead of counting all the reasons it won’t happen for you. (I know this seems like a contradiction of earlier advice, but if you don’t act like you’re worthy of love then you’ll never find it. Love yourself first.)
My grandmother was not really counting on love after surviving an arranged marriage. In fact, she didn’t really believe in it. At the grand age of fifty, she met my grandfather and decided to try again. Of course, she could have not tried and lived alone.
STAND BY YOUR STANDARDS
My middle sister and I debated why we were divorced while our older sister was married and came up with a simple reason: we didn’t pick well. I know a few cynical people might comment that we both must be difficult people. I beg to disagree, but will point out my elder sister can be difficult and she’s the one who is happily married. We didn’t pick men that understood the complexities of marriage. As far as holding to a standard, I think we can both agree that we didn’t have a standard…that’s where our problem started. Know what you want, don’t settle for anything less. I am in awe of the Dating Goddess who has dated 150 men in the United States and is expanding to overseas to meet her standard. (I feel obligated to add here…make sure your standard exists. My best friend’s geeky brother is still holding out for a supermodel. I wonder if either of us should tell him she’s not coming.)
Okay, I know it shouldn’t matter, but it does. Men like women who look feminine, not like one of the guys. Just yesterday, I was in the expensive part of town, but I had a shoe coupon for an exclusive shoe store. Naturally, I went to the store and scored a cute pair of flats on clearance. The one thing I couldn’t help noticing on this warm spring day was how dowdy the women were dressed. Most had on mom jeans and sweat pants and running shoes. Few men will look twice at that ensemble because it screams “not interested.” I know some might argue that they weren’t looking for a man so they didn’t dress the part. You don’t know when you will bump into someone. Since I started my dating journey I’ve ran into men at the grocery, the dry cleaners, even the post office. Thinking back, the one thing all those encounters had in common was that I still had on my dressy work clothes. You don’t have to dress like a fashion plate, just make the extra effort when you step out of the house. My daughter has turned into a fashionista and refuses to let me leave the house in athletic shoes unless I am going to the gym.
Dressing well has the added benefit of making you feel better about yourself. When you feel better, you’ll smile more and men will perceive you as being more attractive and approachable. Anything feminine is a plus from a skirt to a colorful scarf. Be glad you’re a woman and celebrate it. I was told by a man recently that a ponytail pulled through a baseball cap can be sexy, paired with well-fitted clothes of course. LOL
Don’t discount luck. Why do some women marry their high school sweetheart and live happily ever after? It’s not because they were more deserving than you. It was plain blind luck. How does your best friend meet the love of her life in another country when he was living just five miles away from her all his life? Luck again or maybe it’s fate. How did my sister end up in the exact same class as her future husband? Maybe it was the only class offered at that time or maybe it was luck again. The one thing I noticed about lucky people is that they are always out trying new things when luck happens. Luck does not come knocking when you’re at home whining about your bad luck.
As for my luck, it is changing for the good. I’ve always been the same person, at times skinnier and younger, but the same. As for love, it is not dead on the road.