Monday, May 23, 2011

Going Exclusive

Many women only date one man at a time, so there is no going exclusive. Instead, there is an awkward time when they’ve come to the realization that their current man won’t do. The most normal thing to do would be to break up, but instead they continues to hang on to the unsatisfactory boyfriend until someone better comes along. It doesn’t seem like a really good deal to me. Even though, it seems to be a tradition to some women.

This time around, I went for the radical approach to date more like a man by dating more than one person. It has been interesting, fun, but mainly tiring. Let’s be honest here, it takes women much longer to get ready…or maybe it is just me. I am more confident in my attractiveness than before. Often when you date one man exclusively from the get-go he might compliment you once or twice, but then he figures he has you so the compliments fall by the way side, as do the creative dates and excellent manners.

In all your TV sitcoms, when a guy gets serious about a woman and wants to see only her, his guy friends are concerned. They warn him to think twice before he makes the fateful decision of getting by with just one woman. One Youtube video helps a guy to make the decision to date exclusively by comparing each woman’s good points. The video also warns that you should have slept with the woman for at least two months because you need to get past the new boyfriend sex to whatever comes after. This all sounds like going exclusive is a bad thing…at least from the guy’s point of view.

Women on the other hand can be just as weird. I caught flack from both friends and family members for dating more than one guy. My sister would inquire if I liked a particular guy, when I told her yes, she wondered aloud why I needed to date someone else too. Why not should have been my answer. Instead, I mumbled something about not being sure. It’s okay when guys aren’t sure. Males are even applauded for their ability to shop around in the girlfriend section. Women not so much, because somehow it seems wrong or foreign to have more than one guy friend.

The logical outcome of my wanting to date only one guy should be a united chorus of heartfelt ”yesses.” Perverse as my family and friends can be, they'd begin to ask about the also-rans, the men I didn’t pick. They bring up various traits or aspects they liked including being tall and being a season ticket holder. I am puzzled why it would matter because if isn’t as if guy number three was ever going to take any my relatives to NFL games with him. Why do they care? As if that isn’t enough they like to run through bad boyfriends of yesteryear. I realize this is a public service announcement for my own benefit pointing out I haven’t chosen so well in the past.

My mother likes to tell me about a horrible nightmare she had where I was still married. It was only a dream for her. I lived it. So as a scarred divorced person, I think hard, very hard about going exclusive. Initially I wondered if I was doing the right thing. I’ve had the opportunity of dating maybe a dozen men, Out of that dozen, I quickly shaved it down to six who made it to second dates. Four actually made it to third.

What cause some guys to fall out of the running. Different things: such as being in love with his ex, too much like my ex, too political, and too touchy-feely on the first date. The process of dating is about getting to know the person. With some, the more I knew about them made me realize how very different we were in a not so good way. The herd has narrowed down to three and I do have a favorite.

If you were shopping and you had to decide between gorgeous shoes and ones that fit really well, which one would you choose? I know, me too, the third pair that was gorgeous and fit well too. That’s how I decided who to date. I singled out the man who had the most characteristics I wanted. It didn’t hurt that he was charming and adorable too. Did I fall for him before or after I decided to go exclusive?

Honestly, I would have to say before which propelled me into the exclusive decision. It wasn’t an easy decision at first, but then I realized it was a no brainer. My hesitation came because I liked being treated special, having car doors opened for me. Most of you who are in relationships are opening your own car door now, right? The prospect of giving that up scared me. Men slack off when they think they’ve won the girl. Also frightening, men tend not to regard the female as a great catch once they caught her, well that’s most men.

I decided when I made the move to go exclusive I would be plain in my wants and needs. Trust me, I’ve did my time as being treated as a household appliance…an object that needed neither recognition or care just performed certain services, not unlike the dishwasher. Even though I am in love, I am still using my brain to analyze what type of man I chose. The smart type who knows he has a good thing in me. He also will not abuse his privileges as the boyfriend.

I am entering into uncharted waters here since I decided to go with a totally different type of man, an intelligent and romantic man. Often times, I suspect he is more romantic than I am. But now, that I made my decision, I need to work on my goodbyes.


  1. Hey Morgan, I've been following your blog for a while now. It's been fascinating reading and has inspired all sorts of story ideas. I look forward to hearing about your exclusive man.

  2. Hi Joan,

    You will be hearing more about my fabulous man and the whole general idea of relationships. Thanks for commenting.