Tuesday, May 10, 2011
Goldilocks and Dating
Most of us think of Goldilocks as a chick who couldn’t be pleased; this is evidenced by her sampling of the three bears’ porridge, chairs and beds. Less kind people might call her a whiner and some a housebreaker. What she really is an example for dating. Really, I kid you not.
Goldilocks knew deep down what she wanted and knew when she wasn’t getting it. Boy, oh, boy could I learn from Goldilocks. All she took was a spoonful of porridge to see she didn’t like it. She didn’t take three or more spoonfuls to see if it would get better. Hey ladies, does this sound vaguely familiar. You are dating a guy who doesn’t suit, but you give him chance after chance to “improve.” He’s not changing because our basic personality is formed when we are children.
Think about your past relationships. I broke off with a man who had no ambition to the point he stopped painting his house in the middle of the job. Goldilocks would have noted the lack of ambition and moved on immediately. I thought I could gently hint, even offering to paint the house myself. I was forgetting the basic personality issue. Then I moved onto a man who was so work-related that I realized I was simply a work extension. I served as an arm accessory as he schmoozed potential clients. Goldilocks would have promptly dropped the guy because he had too much ambition. It took me a few dates more, but I realized that a working date was no date at all. I realized that I need a man with ambition, but still had time for a relationship. I had to decide what I wanted just like Goldilocks.
Goldilocks didn’t waste time debating why she should like the too hot porridge she went onto the next bowl. Have any of you spent time with a man because your family or friends liked him? Been there, done that, dated a guy who my best friend adored because he was the physical embodiment of what she considered hot in a guy. His lack of consideration drove me batty, but when I mentioned breaking off the relationship, my friend almost cried. Lucky for Goldy, no one was shouting advice from the sidelines or she might have stayed at the too hot bowl instead of getting on to what she really liked and wanted.
After finishing off the food, she was ready to check out the chairs. Speaking of food, how many of you pretend to like a certain type of food to impress a date. Maybe you really want barbecue, but you agree to sushi because you think it is trendy. Be careful you don’t find yourself in a trap of your own making. A friend of mine made her then fiancé a pineapple cheesecake. He praised it highly telling her it was the best thing he ever ate. She vowed to be a good wife and made him pineapple cheesecake twice a month to show her love. After consuming 150 cheesecakes, the husband confessed that he never ever liked cheesecake he only said he did to make her happy. If he could have been honest about his preference in the beginning all would have been fine. Do you seriously think the wife was pleased he waited so long to tell her? I think he slept on the couch for two weeks. Go with the truth, if he can’t handle it then move on.
Goldilocks tried out all three chairs. You really should try out the chairs because sometimes they aren’t really as comfortable as you think they might be. The same with men…the ones your friends knew would be perfect for you might make you to wonder what your friends really think of you. Women push for relationships because they want to be in one. Beware. This is often how you find yourself in a miserable situation. I did say try out, not buy. Don’t waste time on a date or relationship that doesn’t suit. The man doesn’t want you to stick around just to leave later. Get out now and spare him the time investment too.
Goldilocks wants it all so she heads upstairs to try out the beds. She doesn’t waste any time in the beds either. Be careful ladies, just because you slept with a guy does not a relationship make. Yep, men are still the same as in your mother and grandmother’s time…the easy woman is still the easiest to leave. Goldilocks got out without much fanfare despite her bed-hopping ways.
The bear family was more than a little put out with Goldy’s thieving and destructive ways. In some versions, she jumps out the window. In another, she becomes a bear snack. I guess it all depends on how you feel about Goldy. If you think she was right in going after what she wants then you allow her a safe escape. If you think she was way too picky then she becomes kibble.
What can you pull from a simple fairy tale? It is important to really know what you want. What are your deal breakers?
I watched a clip from Baggage television show hosted by Jerry Springer where hopeful dates carry on small suitcases indicating various issues from a woman who shares popsicles with her dog to another who spends a $1000 on lottery tickets a month. The guy picks the one with issues he can tolerate then she opens his case that hides some huge issue, trust me they are huge. This is rather like a reverse Goldilocks instead of picking who he likes the best, he picks out who doesn’t gross him out the most, an unreasonable standard for a date. I truly hope dating hasn’t sunk to this, but apparently some people think it has which accounts for the women willing to be on the show.
So maybe we should take our cue from Goldilocks and not the contestants on Baggage. Which fairy tale heroine is your role model?