Thursday, June 16, 2011
False Perceptions about Hot Dogs and Dating
Pulled out the newspaper grocery flyer and was pursuing it for great buys when I noticed Hebrew National 97% Fat Free Beef hot dogs were on sale. I was excited because Hebrew National dogs are almost entirely fat free and only have 40 calories each. Your average hot dog has 200 calories or more. That means I could eat five dogs, not that I would, but suddenly Hebrew National is my brand. When I first tasted them, I didn’t like them because they were different. A little harder to chew because they weren’t packed with all that soft fat. The taste consisted solely of beef and a few spices. Reading the calorie content changed my perception entirely. I decided I could like them. Finally, I could return to a food I had abandoned because of calories and unknown additives. My perception changed both about hot dogs, but specifically the Hebrew National brand. Oddly enough, my dating perceptions changed too.
One of the first ones to fall by the side of the road concerned the never married guys. Early on, I thought guys who never married were a good bet. They didn’t have an annoying ex, who either dogged him to do household duties at his former home or posted cryptic sayings on his Facebook page. He also didn’t have children who often made demands at odd times often cancelling any outings the two of us might have planned. Ironically, I thought of the bachelors as untouched by any woman. Let me clarify that, I don’t mean sexually. Women put their stamp on men. It is usually not a good stamp.
A man who has been married or in a long-term relationship will expect other women to act like the former females he’s known. This is, of course, his perception of women. This also explains why a man out of a recent divorce, especially after being stomped on in the proceedings, is basically down on womanhood. If his ex cheated, then he expects other women to cheat or eventually leave him for a younger, hotter man. Men milked like a Guernsey cow for financial reward expect future dates to act the same. So you are dealing with all these divorced men expecting bad things because of their previous experiences, it makes the never married look tantalizing.
When you’re in your twenties, a never married man looks like a good prospect. You don’t expect him to be married. According to the article, A Good Time to Move, he doesn’t expect it either to the point of living at home, partying hard on the weekends, and shirking the responsibilities of adulthood for as long as possible. With young men’s failure to grow up, there has been a parallel of college-educated women committing suicide stating the failure to find a companion as a reason. Surely, a thirty-something bachelor would be a better prospect you would think. He might be especially in all those Scandinavian countries where the men tend to grow up faster and act like adults. Often men, especially American men, find themselves in endless puberty never growing into manhood. Each year a man remains single should tell you one glaring obvious fact. He wants to be single.
As women, we love our fairy tales. We want to believe the noble bachelor just hasn’t found the right woman. We idealized him as if he is the Father Stag in Bambi. Nature lovers know the stag never sticks around and raises the fawn. His sole purpose is to impregnate the doe, then, he is history. Maybe long time bachelors are more like the stag than I realized. If he is looking, he will find someone. Everyone can find someone. Often we find the wrong someone because we have false perceptions about that person and end up divorcing when we realize our mistake.
Some women refuse to date divorced men because they see them as flawed. Some woman rejected them. The carefree bachelor seems to skip through life not taking on a wife, family and associated responsibilities. Often we view this as playboy behavior, which often it is. Consider that women rejected him too. The mark isn’t as visible as the divorced label. When you live alone you are used to having everything your way.
Anyone forced to play with or eventually work with an only child knows it can be a trying experience. This individual usually believes everything should be his way. He will have a very difficult time with compromise. A never married bachelor can be like that, especially depending on how old he is, always expecting his way. In a good relationship, you make compromises. The never married man never had to do this. Things have always been his way. Now, he may like the idea of a wife, regular sex, and possible hot meals, but he is unwilling to clear the space to make a place for her in his life.
In fact, I’ve found by stubbornly attempting to date never married men that they want all their routines and domicile not to change. The girl friend or wife would be more like a housekeeper who visits and tidies up. Well, most women take one look at this and hit the road. I did.
To be fair, I would like to point out my perception of the never married man is not everyone’s perception. My grandmother married my grandfather, a life-long bachelor at fifty. His reason for not being married was extreme shyness. Luckily, he met my grandmother who was not shy at all. There are men who do not want to marry, ever. Of course, you have your closet gay guys, who attempt to play it straight. With all this in mind, maybe that divorced man doesn’t look too bad. At least, he wanted a relationship and initiated it. It is all a matter of perception.
Have I changed yours?