Saturday, June 25, 2011

When Did I Fall in Love

Many songs, poems, and movies are about falling in love. Often it happens like lightning two strangers meet on a ship that is bound to sink, or in a crowded nightclub in Morocco where Gestapo agents lurk or are members of opposing political parties…at least it does in the movies. The two people have the courtesy to fall in love with each other at the same time, so one person isn’t in love while the other is contemplating like. It usually happens quickly so they can spend the rest of the movie breaking up only to get back together again. If my love life were a movie, it would not be Titanic or Casablanca. While the couples did fall in love quickly, they ended up apart which is a very bad deal.

I did fall in love. I am very much in love right this very minute. I quibble about this because a recent MSN article about dating for all ages related that people in their late forties and beyond should not expect to find love, but be willing to settle for like. That’s like settling for fish sticks when you want lobster. No way, I like to add the authors of this article were a young couple who thought they knew all about love through various ages. You can’t know until you lived it, but back to the actual event of falling in love.

If my life were a movie, I would probably pick Only You with a very young Robert Downey Jr. and Marisa Tormei. Marisa’s character, Faith, and I both believed in ridiculous fallacies that drove us into going after the wrong man. In the movie, the Ouija board is the culprit especially when helped along by a devious older brother. We all want to believe our soul mate is out there so we look for signs. Maybe it could be something as small as having the same initials or both liking coffee-flavored ice cream.

I was always a sucker for a man telling me he loved me. It took me longer to figure out actions speak louder than words.In Only You, Downing’s character, Peter, falls hard for Faith. You have one character that is in love while another is not. Because he loves her, he does ridiculous things to win her over. It looks like it will all backfire in the end simply because Faith chooses to believe a lie perpetuated by her brother than what is in front of her eyes. Faith, I totally get you. Hold onto the stupid thing you’ve believed all your life instead of the very real evidence in front of you.

Like Faith, I was willing to settle for so much less than true love. People told me not to expect it. If I could just tolerate someone, maybe “like” them, then I was good. I love my dog who is not perfect. It shouldn’t be so hard to love a person; actually, I thought it would be easier. I forgot that I answered for my dog too and he agrees that I’m always right. LOL

All I really had to do was stop listening. Really, since actions speak louder than words I needed to pay attention to the actions instead of the words. I might have a guy claiming I meant the world to him, but when the opportunity to attend a sporting event with his friends, he’d drop me like a hot spud. I wanted someone to honor me. Yes, I will freely admit to wanting to be the most important thing in my man’s life, but in turn, he would be the most significant person in mine. I tuned out the talk, all the smooth lines, and meaningless promises, even my significant other’s words. He, on the other hand, didn’t have smooth lines, which was a detractor, but his actions always honored me.

Did I get it right away? Nope. I thought there was something about him I couldn’t put my finger on—he intrigued me. Without sound, the others didn’t fare too well. I found myself more drawn to my sweetie and I tried to be logical about it. We were similar in many ways so we did understand each other—not exactly Romeo and Juliet.

Even when I was out with other men, I was longing to be out with him. I would sneak away to the bathroom on a date to text him that’s when I knew. I didn’t want to date anyone else. His face was the one I wanted to see. His voice on the phone made me smile. Somehow, just a text from him could change a miserable day into something to smile about. What I wanted he wouldn’t give me. I wanted him to tell me not to date anyone else.

Did he love me then? I don’t know that’s his tale to tell. He felt I had to make my own choice, which seemed fair. After numerous conversations, emails, texts and actual dates, I chose my sweetie and I have never looked back. What made him so different from everyone else?

He always has my back, and I have his. He makes me happy just by existing. I can be myself around him. Even though it is horribly cliché, I am a better person with him than without. Love is an action as opposed to a feeling.

Feelings change that is why so many people fall out of love. In senior religion, the students had to read a book entitled Love Is an Action, Not a Feeling. Many students were very down on the book because they wanted love to be just a warm, fuzzy feeling, maybe brought on by really good skin and thick hair. If love is an action than it requires work, which means every day I commit to acting loving. Quite a concept for high school seniors, one that most adults haven’t mastered.

At in the end of the movie, Faith realizes that all Peter’s crazy stunts were because he loved her. She lets go of her belief that she could only marry a man named Damon. Faith went with actions instead of words for a change, same as me.


  1. I enjoyed this piece and I hope things work out.

  2. Hi Cathy,
    I don't know if you check back, but things are working out very well. :)