Going Ugly

When I first read the headline that another journalist accused Vicki Larson of urging women to go ugly, I figured she told women not to wear makeup to the grocery store. Nope, her crusade emphasized the importance of passing over your male model types in her recent article, “Hot or Not? Why Women Shouldn't Pick Attractive Husbands.” The article was a response to famous men, known more for their bodies and sexuality than common sense and decency, who were in recent headlines.

 

In her article, she readily admits that most women go for the over confident male, sure of himself and his charm. Larson also adds that money and power inserted into the mix makes a physically average or below average man extraordinarily attractive to women. The men, often because of their prominence, can have any woman they want and they do. Women vie for their attention because they believe to get it is a real mark of recognition.

 

This same man will eventually get to all the women in the room. That is his way because he must have continual feminine adoration. A good example of this is John Edwards, while separated from his wife Elizabeth, obviously had his girlfriend on the side—at the same time he was still hitting on girls at college bar near his apartment. This is what your average pretty boy does. Since he was a youngster, females have fawned all over his beauty, commenting on it, giving him extra chances because he was so cute when the average male would be history.

 

Larson warns women who pursue high profile men that they may be hurt in the end. Look at Joe Ordinary. He isn’t ugly either as the original title might imply. Your average guy never grew up gorgeous; instead, he had bad haircuts, braces, and glasses. He may have even struggled with his weight and his self-esteem, but that allowed him to develop a personality and empathy. My sister’s theory is beautiful people never have to learn to play well with others because being beautiful was enough. While the rest of us are trying to be funny, original, or clever to attract the opposite sex, they just exist like a force of nature.

 

It is odd how we criticize men for pursuing beautiful, but often mercenary women while women turn around and do the same thing. What do you get when you attempt to trap the male equivalent of the supermodel? Out of the 2,000 plus comments to Larson’s article, the general theme was the same. Your over the top men do not really care about women they date. All their relationships occur at a superficial level where they live their life. While most of the women who commented swore off pretty boys, the men’s comments were more telling.

 

Men who tried to be decent, caring individuals were constantly steamrolled by the handsome set who took their girlfriends, and often their wives as they rolled by. Their cries of anguish were as loud as the women’s voices, but even more embittered, and they should be. Your average guy thought he was doing it all to provide a stable, loving relationship for his sweetheart. Maybe he watched chick flicks with her, took out the garbage and mowed the grass, pretended to act pleased about her new haircut even when he wasn’t, but all of this adds up to nothing when Mr. Hot Bod wanders onto the scene with an abundance of charisma and well defined biceps. The men felt like they gave all they had and yet dismissed for a man who gave nothing.

 

Larson advises the women to smarten up, learn from other women’s experience. There are plenty of public examples out there. It really gets down to supply and demand. An abundance of dates tends to make any date not that special. Imagine trying to outdo the last 400 dates, it can’t be done. The beautiful people tend to discard people like used tissues.

 

The flipside to chasing a gorgeous guy, which you know is a bad deal, is having a man chase you, thinking you’re a gorgeous, good deal. Men often base part of their personal value on how attractive their mate is in reference to themselves. A prettier girlfriend makes him feel good, which makes him treat her better.

 

According to Journal of Family Psychology, dating a less attractive man may lead to a happier relationship.

“It’s possible that a man who is less attractive than his partner feels so grateful to be with her that he works harder to maintain the relationship, amping up the amount of emotional support and kindness he provides,” says Benjamin R. Karney, Ph.D., a professor of social psychology at UCLA. “Yet a man who is better looking than his partner knows he has lots of other options besides his mate, so he’s less committed to providing the emotional support long term relationships need to thrive.”

 

Personally, I think the behavior your uber handsome men engage in is ugly. There are even more compelling reasons to date average according to the journal.

 

“…you may find that your not-so-pretty man brings his A-game in the bedroom. ‘ What I’ve seen from my clinical practice is that women who are married to men less attractive than them often have happy sex lives most likely because their mate tries harder to please them sexually,’ says Bethany Marshall, Ph.D.”

 

Bruno Mars sings about his girlfriend not seeing how beautiful she is through his eyes. We all assume his girlfriend is drop dead gorgeous. Maybe, maybe not, but it is how he sees her. It’s the same with your man. If you love him and he’s good to you then he’s gorgeous. Other people may not see him the same way because they haven’t had the same experience.

 

As for ugly, it only relates to behavior.