Monday, July 4, 2011

Dangers of Dating The Momma's Boy

Avoid any momma’s boy if you want any type of a prolonged romantic relationship. Men who jump to do their mother’s bidding earn the moniker Momma’s Boy. Just a phone call from dear old mom has them switching their date night or dropping the girl altogether to rush to transplant mommy’s geraniums which have become a bit root-bound. Mother has first claim no matter what and marriage doesn’t diminish her rights. Any woman who hooks up with this devoted son will have to settle for being second best.


Women do stumble into relationships with momma’s boys because they are such nice men. Who doesn’t respect a man who treats his mother well? It is certainly better than a man who treats his mother with contempt. The alarm bells may start to go off when Mom stands as an authority on everything from cooking to dating etiquette. You should run very fast if he wants Mom to take you shopping so she can give you some fashion tips--you may have just landed a starring role in a reality horror show.


There are endless television shows that employ at least one character with an overbearing mother. The Big Bang Theory is a good example. One of its uber smart characters lives with dear old mom who only wants the best for her son. One episode featured mom yelling out helpful advice from the other side of the bedroom door when her son snuck a girlfriend home. She even apologizes for her son’s lack of sexual stamina and asks the girl to give him another chance. We laugh because no one is like that--or are they? I dropped a man who adored me. He was good looking, polite and charming. People liked him, but I decided he and his mother were much too close when he told me his mother discussed her sex life with him on a regular basis.


Most women do not enjoy dating men who keep in regular contact with their exes. It is especially bad when he compares you to the ex. This gets old fast. It is nothing beside the mother test. Be prepared for the momma’s boy because his mother is the best. She is the gold standard for everything from cooking to spoiling her boy rotten. Why shouldn’t he favor his mother? She bought his adoration by exceptional indulgence, sometimes to the point of neglecting other siblings or spouse.


Can you think of an ex who seemed especially spoiled? He not only expects you to wait on him, but his mother too. If so, you may have encountered the classic edition of the momma’s boy. This edition believes that being male is the pinnacle of social evolution. Women are supposed to wait on this man because that is their purpose in life. A colleague explained to me that she had to clean her brother’s room every day because she was a female. Her brother did nothing because it was woman’s work. Her mother enforced this edict making her into an epitome of the perfect female in the son’s eyes. This type of man will not view women as being equal to men. Ironically, a woman shaped this belief.


Momma’s boys evolve in a variety of ways, rather like a science experiment gone wrong. Everyone is aware that it is wrong to favor one offspring over another. What happens when you do? You can end up with a momma’s boy or a daddy’s girl depending on the sex of the child and parent. One mother who had several girls, one son, and a husband she long gave up on loving decided to use the son as her tool. The man had insisted on more babies until the son was finally born. The mother, who was vengeful beyond belief, used the son to exact her revenge. She preferred the son over all her daughters. He was perfect in her eyes and did little to help around the household. In small family disputes, he always got his way. The mother bought him special treats the other children didn’t receive in order to bind him to herself as opposed to the father. The end result was he had little to do with his father, whom his mother despised. His sisters hated him, and he expected everything to be done his way.


In today’s world, we are creating more financial momma’s boys. I can remember being a teen and planning to move out. I had my first apartment at eighteen and no one I knew stayed at home past 21. The average age of the unmarried American male leaving home currently is 29, and many stay longer. Why not? Mother makes it easy with regular meals, laundry service, and few financial demands. This type of dependence stymies emotional growth. Even after the man physically leaves, his mother still holds the financial purse strings often paying rent or buying groceries for her son who can’t quite get it together. He has no reason to get it together as long as mother pays. What she is really paying for is a continued relationship based on obligation.


The Momma’s Boy syndrome is problematic. A woman who has carefully crafted her son into a drone to constantly serve her is a very needy and controlling woman. She will expect to control you too. At first, she may seem very nice, but you haven’t crossed her yet. You haven’t challenged her authority or made her son choose between the two of you. Newsflash: he will always choose her because she will always be there for him. Those other women merely pass through his life, never staying. Do you even have to wonder why?


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