Thursday, September 8, 2011

What Are the Odds?

Ever wonder what are the chances of meeting that one perfect person? I decided to go to to see if they had the odds. They had a few. Not at all the answers were satisfactory. One was 0% considering all the billions of people living in the world. Another one felt you had a chance at 1 in 6,692,030,277. Another source pointed out that you would only meet them once so you had to work the moment, so be ready to jump on it. Still another person commented that you may have many possible soul mates, but obviously one may be a better fit than the other six. The last answer I thought was the most realistic. As you age your chances of meeting your soul mate diminishes as the pool gets smaller due to marriage, death or general cynicism.

How do you meet your soul mate would probably be the next step if you believed he or she is out there. Take risks. Simple as that. Do things you’ve always wanted to do, but maybe were holding back because you didn’t have anyone to do them with. If nothing else you’ll have the experience, but it should also lessen the anxiety about looking. No one feels comfortable with a desperate Donna.

The other day I was reminiscing with my soul mate about all the things we did wrong in our dating relationship. And we did plenty. Both of us thought we were showing the other that we very interested, but neither of us received that message which made us doubtful about developing a relationship. If I were quick to react as many women are, I would not be in the most wonderful relationship of my life. It paid off being slow for a change.

We want what we want when we want it. Let’s face it by this stage in our lives we feel like we should be with our forever love. We’re willing to give fate a jumpstart by kicking things into gear abruptly. My sweetie had women who would quiz him on the first date about having children or getting married. They knew their clock was ticking and they didn’t want to waste time going out with men a half dozen times to find out it wouldn’t work. In turn, they probably scared off every man they ever met; men who if treated properly may have fallen for them. Ladies, men do not want to be told what to do, especially on the first date.

Waiting while being active is your preferred course of action while you’re in the soul mate search mode. What does that mean you’re thinking? Have a life, have fun, be available. First, know what you want. Be specific and realistic, if you’re not you’ll find yourself in relationships with men who are not good fits, but really wanted to be in a relationship. I made a list of qualities I wanted and I didn’t hold back. My original list is over 30 items long, which I felt was excessive so I didn’t reveal them all in the blog. My sweetie also made up a list, but he kept his down to ten items. Did we find what we were looking for in each other? Absolutely, but we didn’t find it all at first. We had to get to know each other to discover some of the characteristics.

One of the things he wanted was a woman actively living her life. She wasn’t looking for a man to sweep in and take care of her. Someone who put everything on hold until some man made her dreams come true. He had that before and wasn’t going there again. I think I on the other hand had the man that tried to control my life and told me what all my dreams were going to be.

A soul mate should be able to take care of himself. Ladies, I’ve warned you before about the helpless man who needs you to help him make it through the day. At first this makes you feel important, but after a while you realize you have an overgrown child who is never going to mature. Who needs that? Some men are like that, they enjoy being guided around by a dominant female who calls all the shots. Do you truly want this?

Be very open to new types of people. Most of us fear getting old and living alone. My sweetie who is a runner told me he used to run along a well-traveled path and see old men walking it, looking desperately sad and lonely. His greatest fear was that he would turn into one of those lonely, old men. My fear, as I revealed before, was becoming an eccentric cat woman, without the cats. When you feel like you’ve exhausted the normal routes, be open to someone different.

Often we are very narrow in our accepted form of our soul mate. He must look a certain way to be right for me. I used to not date bald guys. I felt bald guys were more like tough guys and I didn’t want that. Snap judgment and I was wrong. A good friend met her husband online, but initially thought there was no way the two of them could become one. He was so different from her and her ideal of what her mate should be. Luckily, she glimpsed his soul and managed to get past her initial objections to his form to fall for his content.

We are a visual society because of this we judge people on their looks. Make sure you aren’t missing out on someone wonderful because you’re only seeing their form. We women are too often judged on our form and we resent it. Statistics reveal that though men pursue gorgeous women, they only want them for one-night stands. The women they choose to marry are more on the average line. Keep this in mind when you are looking for your soul mate. There is someone out there who is looking for you too.

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