Sunday, September 25, 2011
WHAT NOT TO SAY TO YOUR MAN
We all know what we don’t want to have our guys to say to us. We don’t want to hear about how hot some actress is. Maybe he goes on and on about what a great cook his mom is, he offers this tidbit during dinner. If you’re real lucky, he might ask when you’re getting ready after you spent an hour and half doing just that. Better yet, he might suggest how you would benefit from getting in shape. These are all no brainers—as far as what to not say to a woman, even though some men still do. Then, here’s the question, what do men not want to hear.
First, no references to your ex, especially when they involve telling about something your ex could do and he can’t. Avoid mentioning your ex altogether if possible. It might save you some embarrassing moments when you accidentally call your new man by your old man’s name, which shouldn’t be too surprising when your ex’s name is always in your mouth.
If glorifying the abilities of your ex, who might have been a great mechanic or a good money manager was bad; bringing dear old dad in the picture is equally loathsome. Every woman loves her father and thinks he’s a great guy. No man wants to be compared to a woman’s father. There is no way he can win. If he reacts to not being just like dad, then he’s insulted her father. It is a comparison where he’ll come up lacking. Who needs that? Generations change too. Maybe your father could fix a lawnmower, but your sweetie can design a website…there’s no real parallel. Don’t try to make one.
Comparing your man with your ex or your father is really just another way to call him a doofus. No man wants to ridiculed by the woman who is supposed to love him more than life itself. Attacking a man’s intelligence is bad enough, but beware of attacking his physical side too. Any comments about a receding hairline is the equivalent to pointing out your jiggling thighs. Yes, we’re both aware that they are there, no need to draw attention to either one.
If all these remarks aren’t bad enough in themselves, airing them in public is the epitome of bad female behavior. I’ve heard women joke about their men’s lack of social graces, intelligence and bedroom skills in large groups while the man was present. It doesn’t mean you should do it when the man isn’t present either. It is a horrible show of disrespect. How would you feel if he did the same to you?
Some women even complain about the gifts their sweeties buy them. They sometimes engage in verbal one-upmanship on stupid gifts their men bought. I recently read an article where the woman was so upset with her husband because he bought them matching bikes for Christmas so they could ride together. Her upset was that he listened to her comment that it would be nice to ride bikes together as opposed to upholding her status as a dedicated runner and buying a gift to reflect that. She eventually just gave her bike away. Men struggle to buy gifts and often their reward is a hostile reaction to the gift. That’s right you have to be nice about the gift, consider the sentiment as opposed to the actual gift. If you want any gifts in the future you may need to check your initial revulsion at the Ronco Chopomatic.
Men are a lot like women in the fact that they have feelings. They often feel insecure even if they appear confident. They are just as vain about their appearance as women. And they want to be loved for who they are as opposed to what they can do.
Probably one of the worse things to tell a man is that he isn’t enough. He is who he is…that’s really not negotiable. Often, men are told they aren’t fit enough, smart enough, rich enough before the woman walks out the door. Good riddance you think the man would say, but instead he obsesses on what he isn’t thinking the woman must be right and that’s why he’s alone. He doesn’t think it has anything to do with him being despondent and retreating to his home.
Back on the playground, we used to chant, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” We also used to sing about sipping cider resulting in forty-nine kids. I’ve gotten a little smarter since then and I hope my words reflect that, especially when I am talking to or about my man. How about you?