Thursday, October 6, 2011

Kisses: What They Really Mean

My first date with my significant other ended with a brief hug, more the sort you get in church from a fellow member. I went home and wondered if he really liked me. After all, he didn’t kiss me. Most guys will offer to walk you to a car in hopes of earning a kiss. A kiss at the end of the date seals the deal literally. Sometimes it sours the deal too depending on the kiss. Which brings me to a point what does a kiss mean?

A kiss can mean a variety of things depending on the person who is doing the kissing. Take the kiss on the cheek, it often is a simple greeting by a relative or friend. At the end of the first date, it can mean numerous things from I’m not that into you to I’m really into you. How do you know? Consider the personality of your date. Is he reserved, very religious, shy? Then he might be very interested in you. Of course, if all you’re getting are kisses on the cheek on follow-up dates, you may questions his affection.

Sometimes it is more than the kiss that matters it is what accompanies the kiss. I often see couples kiss in the airport that turn their heads away as soon as their lips touch. This brief brush tells everyone that they feel obligated to kiss as opposed to wanting to kiss the person. A person who wants to kiss you, will take his time, make eye contact, embrace you, before the brief touch of the lips. This tells the intended that she is important and will be missed. The kiss on the fly is more of an obligation like writing a thank you note.

The other night my honey and I went out to dinner with another couple. During the course of the meal, my sweetie picked up my hand and kissed it. My friend confessed later to me she was so jealous. A kiss on the hand implies love, adoration, and trust. Ironically, it is so much more intimate than a kiss on the lips. It gives outsiders a peek into how special a relationship is.

Another very telling kiss is the kiss on the collarbone. First, a man must know a woman pretty well to get this close to get away with this type of kiss. It signals erotic intention. It also shows how smart the man is since women tend to melt into a puddle of lust at this particular kiss.

I used to think a kiss on the forehead or hair was just for children until I read COSMO, which related the psychology of body language of celebs and their hookups. According to their on-staff psych, a forehead or hair kiss shows a protectiveness and adoration. The man is basically saying, “I ‘ve got your back.” What I shied away from as the sister kiss is so much more than I ever thought.

Think about it, most men see kissing as a way to get women in bed. Kisses that don’t push you toward the bedroom, but are a celebration of the specialness of you mean so much more. In fact, their very existence means when you make it to the bedroom things will be so much better, than if you just engaged in deep throated kissing.

According to relationship expert, Mabel Iam, popular radio and television psychologist, a kiss accompanied with an intense look of endearment signals love even if the kiss is on the cheek. This is what I consider a movie kiss. Both people look at each other adoringly before kissing. In the movie, it tells the audience that they are going to kiss and get ready for it. In real life, the couple communicates their love for each other via eye contact, then they kiss. It allows anyone watching to know how special they are to each other.

Pubic affection—we’ve all witnessed it and been a bit grossed out by couples who tend to act like they’re auditioning for a R-rated movie. A discreet kiss is always in good taste especially if it is done as a natural gesture as opposed to impress the people watchers. Often women tend to wonder about their man if he won’t kiss her in public. What’s the deal? Is he trying to look like he’s not attached? Maybe, especially if he refuses to hold her hand.

Should couples check their kisses in front of relatives and children? It all depends what image you want to give out. If you are trying to reinforce the image that couples can’t stand to be around each other, go ahead, withhold your casual kisses and hand touches. If you want the children to believe that love isn’t just for the under twenty set, go ahead kiss, hold hands, even dance together. It is sure to freak them out and impress them on some tiny level.

As for kisses, they have their own language. Don’t give them out without any thought. Make them count.

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