Thursday, October 27, 2011
Why This Time Will Be Different
I am in the best and final relationship of my life. I know it, but it is hard to explain to friends, especially family who tends to doubt. Why wouldn’t they since they watched me struggle through two bad marriages and a half dozen indifferent relationships. What makes this one different, special, and enduring.
The first thing that comes to mind is that we are always positive with each other. We both have plenty people in our lives who gladly serve as a critical friend, which makes it good to have one consistent positive person to go to every time. It is easy to be upbeat about each other because we really do see the good in each other. We look for it, but it is also glaringly apparent because we look at each other with the eyes of love. We want to find what is magnificent about the other…quite a change from previous relationships where it always seemed all my perceived faults were held up for ridicule. Notice I did say perceived, however it doesn’t mean I’m perfect, far from it.
The second amazing element of our relationship is that we accept each other as we are, as we were, and as we will be in the future. How great is that? It’s the best thing I’ve ever come across. Remember the perceived faults that I had and were always held up for ridicule those came about because I did not match up to the model my partner had of what I should be as girlfriend or wife. Instead, I was slightly left of center freak that talked for her pets and talked to her plants. As a non-model wife, I made up words to songs and wore boots, especially cowboy, from October to March. This time these traits make me unique and endearing. Instead of trying to mold me into something else through shame and ridicule, I am appreciated for who I am. This leaves me free to pursue other interests since I’m not wasting time re-inventing myself. I also don’t waste time wondering if I can trust him.
Trust makes me rest easy at night, go to work without doubts, and send off my beloved without a qualm on business trips. Before I couldn’t trust, and sometimes I did trust, but it was undeserved. Men, or at least the ones I’ve been involved with up to now, had huge egos that need constant praise and stroking. They often seek out this stroking from other women. I also know that women will occasionally hit on a guy they know is taken just to test their skills. Why should my man be any different? Why should I trust him? It is almost as if he is entirely different species, the totally committed male. He makes no bones that he is committed and I am the best thing in his life. I worked with dozens of men who never mention their wives in any form. It is as if they don’t occupy much space in their lives. My guy is the opposite since his co-workers felt like they knew me before they met me.
People don’t say it, but I know they think that if I wait long enough the specialness of the relationship will wear off. It will if I let it wear off. My grandparents modeled how to keep it alive. They treated each other as a gift. Each day they greeted each other as if they’d been apart for years. Too often, we women catch a guy and he becomes ordinary. We become ordinary since we no longer greet him at the door or even shower for him when we know he’s on his way home. When you make the decision to treat him as a prize he will continue to act like a prize, it is as simple as that. Many women treat their man like a pair of dirty sweatpants. He’s there in the corner somewhere, nothing to get too excited about. In turn, the man gives the same disrespect right back. It’s a circle of indifference that I’m not drawing.
When women fall in love, they tend to think about their sweetheart all the time. Sounds normal so far, but the real difference comes in the way they think of their sweetheart. Females can and will idealize a man if he serves a purpose in their lives such as providing them with the lifestyle they want or playing the part of the groom in an oversized wedding. But do they really see him? Better yet, do they want what is best for him or they do they just want what they want? A good relationship is when both parties want what is best for the other. I have that. I will do things for my honey that he wouldn’t do for himself. On the other hand, he always has my best interests at heart, both professionally and personally. Is there anything else that could make for a more perfect union?
Romance. Movies, books, songs, and poetry are devoted to it. Often men offer romance to hook the woman, but soon shelf it in order to watch ESPN more. Not my man, he is the romance king. He remembers all our specials days WITHOUT any prompting. He is quick to open a door or pull out a chair. He practices manners that most men have forgotten or never knew. The man can and does dance. He is my romantic hero.
If you managed to survive my gushing about how wonderful he is, you must wonder why didn’t another woman snap him up. Stupidity is my best guess. He thinks it is because he isn’t that tall and he didn’t fulfill most women’s image of what their man should look like. As for those ignorant women, I am grateful for their short-sightedness because I have the best man in the world. Thank you, thank you very much.