Saturday, October 1, 2011
The Lure of Ex-Boyfriends
Men are contrary…there is nothing that appeals to them more than a woman taken, especially if that woman used to be theirs at one time. How many of you swore when you broke up with your guy that he would see that you were the best thing out there. He’d regret leaving the best thing that ever happened to him. Maybe you even kept tabs on him to make sure whomever he was dating was so much worse than you. Then out of the blue, he calls, texts or emails you. Maybe he bumps into you at your favorite retail store. None of this is an accident by any means.
There is a chance he suddenly realized you were the best thing in his life. Not hardly, but what really happened is his last girl dumped his butt and he’s out trolling. In his attempt to find a female to soothe his male ego he goes back to all the women he dated. It is an easier fix than totally starting new. He’s assured that they liked him once. The man knows you, knows what you like, or how he hurt you. Never fear, he’ll reach into his bag of tricks and offer you things he never gave you in the relationship. You wanted emotional closeness, he’ll confess he did too and now he’s ready. Of course, what happens when you reveal you already have a honey?
The mention of a current honey may discourage some, but not all. For many the lure of competition only eggs them on to compete for a woman they did not want before. This is where the old boyfriend shines surprisingly, by bringing up revised old times. In his version, you did not call him every name in the book and cursed the day he was born. His best bet is to tell you he’s realized you are the woman for him. He then pulls out everything he wants to do for you. Not surprising, all his promises are things you wanted him to do, but never delivered on the first time around.
As women, we want to believe. We want to believe that he’s changed, that we are the best thing in his life, and that he will deliver on all the promises. Chekov in Star Trek, used to quote an “alleged” Russian proverb, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” You’re too smart to fall for this. If you’re weak, taken in by his professionally whitened smile and well-rehearsed lines, pull in a girlfriend. She spent over two weeks propping you up after the break up. She is so not willing to do it again.
What about your current honey? The guy who delivers on his promises and stands by your side, what about him? Some of you might quibble that he’s okay, but you’ve become fascinated by the one that got away. Ladies, he’s a cobra and will bite you in the end. Part of your current allure is that you’re taken.
Why would your ex treat you better now? By even entertaining the thought of seeing him you’ve just proved you have no standards by crawling back to him. You’ve shown him that you don’t have much backbone and little intelligence. You also just gave him permission to treat you worse than he did before. Is that what you want?
But wait, you might insist, I am only talking to him. I have no plans to see him or drop my current guy. That’s what your lips say, often even the act of contacting him to tell him you’re taken is viewed as an invitation. Your ex-boyfriend does not want to be your friend. All those people who say they are friends with their exes, I wonder what their true intentions are. Often, a man likes to keep his options open and have the ability to hook up with an old girlfriend now and then. He keeps this path open by contacting her occasionally via text, or a “like” on her status on Facebook, even bumping into her at her favorite store. You wonder how many times he showed up there to make that happen. I’m not sure what a woman’s intentions are since I’ve never had any luck with being friends with an ex. Get real here, you break up under bad circumstances. Every contact you have will remind you of those old wounds, why torture yourself?
Why are you bothering to even give your ex the time of day? Often we reinvent memories, maybe things weren’t as bad as they seemed. Maybe you misread him or some other nonsense. You make up some lame story that you’d ridicule your friends if they came up with it. About this time, someone needs to dope slap you and say, “What are you thinking?” Did you not notice the man by your side who adores you. Unlike your ex, is here for you. Why do women, and men, go chasing after bad news exes?
They believe in the fantasy their ex spins for them. Some women claim they want closure. I always considered a breakup a very definite closure. Some women are just greedy and cruel. They are greedy because they can’t seem to resist any man, even when they know it will end badly. Maybe that should be stupid instead of greedy. They are cruel to their current honey who they throw away in a hurry for a chance to chase a dream they’ll never catch because it does not exist. Ironically, they are also cruel to themselves because they will find themselves back in the same emotional hole that they managed to crawl out of with great assistance from their girlfriend before. This time their girlfriends probably won’t be so accommodating.