Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Nation of Stalkers
Asylum, an online site geared for men, advises that staying Facebook friends with your ex is a great way to spy on her. It also makes it easier to know who to avoid because you’ll see which one of your friends sides with her. It allows you to plot revenge since you know what she is up to, plus you can mess with her new boyfriends by leaving cryptic messages. Besides being terribly immature, notice anything about this advice? Well, it does seem to be rather stalker-ish. If a person is monitoring your moves, keeping track of your friends and dates and they aren’t working for the FBI, then you have a stalker. Really.
If you hear about a friend who is being followed by a guy she met on Craigslist, wouldn’t you’d be alarmed? If not, you should be. Famous last words are, “he’s not really the dangerous type.” Both men and women have been attacked and sometimes killed by an enraged ex. The ex is distraught because you broke up or found someone new. See it in the news every day.
Why do people follow someone via the social network, especially when they were the one who caused the breakup? A variety of reasons, but none of them are good. Don’t kid yourself that your ex wants you to live a happy, productive life with the romantic partner best suited to you. If he did then he’d make an exit. Often you are the backup plan. Look at it from his viewpoint, he knows what you like so you should be easy enough to manipulate for the friends with benefits position while between relationships. Don’t fall for it. You’ll find yourself throwing china when he hurries off to his next relationship.
Men can be contrary creatures because they want what they can’t have. A woman is most attractive according to psychological studies when she is engaged, getting married, and pregnant. What? Brides are always beautiful because they spend major money to get that way, but it is the fact they’re someone else’s baby that makes them a forbidden lure. The fact that another man values the woman makes her more desirable. Ever notice once you get a guy, suddenly all the other men start talking to you? It’s like a new restaurant in town; no one wants to go to it unless they hear from someone else that it is good. That’s why we have restaurant critics. The ring on a finger is rather like a good review. Same with the flip side of the coin as far as men go. A man who basically can’t buy a date is suddenly seen with an attractive girlfriend, then people re-evaluate him. George in SEINFIELD wants a woman to pose as his girlfriend. He explains to the pretend girlfriend that with her on his arm that women will think two things that he has money or is a great lover, perhaps both.
Women who are friends with their exes online suddenly see he is dating a hot chick and get reactive. They may scheme to break up the relationship. They want their guy back and will play hard ball to get him. Or they may try to be the new girlfriend’s friend. None of this is good. Why do people do this? Ever give something away, then, wonder if you should have kept it. Maybe that Renaissance cloak you bought several years ago on a whim that you haven’t worn ends up in the Goodwill bag. The problem is when you see it on some else you want it back, especially if it looks good on that person. It’s the same deal with the old boyfriend.
Besides being a nation of emotional peeping toms, we also want to hoard past relationships. Just in case, we might need them later. Why else do you want to know what a former boyfriend is doing? It isn’t healthy? Women or men who think they can be friends with their exes, can’t. Let me explain you can be civil, polite at public functions that involve you both. If you’re texting, calling, tweeting, or even attending functions with your ex then you’re not over him. It’s about the kids most women will explain. Trust me, I’ve been in the room when that call comes. The kid section takes about five seconds, then the ex goes into what she is doing, what mutual friend she ran into, questions about what he’s doing, the remember when we did this, etc. What she is doing is trying to re-establish contact even if she doesn’t acknowledge it. She is also making it apparent to the new girlfriend that she knows this man better than the new girlfriend does. It’s petty, but women do it.
Most new wives despise their guy’s ex-wife with a passion. This goes double for the girlfriends. I figured this was because the guy talked trash about his ex, which could be a cause too. Mainly, it is because you have an ex who won’t act like an ex, she is more like an interfering mother-in-law. She is constantly leaving Facebook messages, forwarding emails she thinks are interesting, calling to tell her ex something funny the kids did, etc. Often men are clueless and don’t recognize this behavior for what it is. Many times she only wants to mess with the new woman, other times she does want him back. Basically, remaining friends with your ex on Facebook is both stupid and a form of torture.
Asylum considers defriending someone when you break up with them as stupid because you might want to hook up with that chick later. It is really the classy, smart thing to do, defriend them. Trust me they won’t be shocked or hurt, but rather relieved. You need space to heal over a broken relationship constantly seeing that he’s having the time of his life won’t help you. (Of course, he is probably making this all up since he knows you’re still his Facebook friend, he’s checked.) If for some reason he wants to get back together he knows where you live.
In the United Kingdom, one-third of the recent divorces statistics list Facebook as a contributing factor. Makes you wonder. On a morning show, an author showcased her book on stupid questions women should know the answer to, but seemingly don’t. The first question was: My ex wants to be my friend on Facebook, should I friend him? Her answer, and my answer, is unequivocal NO. Really, she had to ask?