Saturday, June 30, 2012

Visual Allure

Everyone knows men are visual creatures and they tend to respond to certain lures, not unlike their animal counterparts. Dr. Joyce Brothers, noted psychologist, writes in her classic text, WHAT EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW ABOUT MEN, about the appeal of the early developing girl. You remember her from school, the gal all the boys slobbered over. Her appeal was obvious you might think, but it was more than a C or D cup. She demonstrated the difference between male and female. Even the dorkiest guy felt more he-man in her presence.

There are certain things that attract the male eyes besides a breast the size of a Tomahawk missile. Long hair is one item because it signifies sexiness. Remember the business woman or librarian with her hair pulled back?  When she’s ready to flirt, she lets her hair down. Men like long hair even when it is pulled out the back of a ball cap in a ponytail. Even men with long hair like long hair so maybe it’s hard wired into them.

Men also enjoy women who dress like women as opposed to dressing like a two-bit hooker. If you ever seen What Not to Wear, you can ask yourself if Clinton or Stacey would approve of your outfit. Go for classy in a skirt with medium heels as opposed to skanky by trying to squeeze into some teen fashions. Teen girls look trashy in these outfits too, but they don’t know any better yet.

One man in his forties confessed he was perplexed by his dates trying to dress like their teenage daughters. He felt relieved when he met a woman dressed classy as opposed to trashy. Remember your date doesn’t want to be ashamed if the guys from work or church see the two of you together.

Also do not be afraid of color. Many women dress all in neutrals as if  they hope to blend into the woodwork. Look around at women from other cultures, especially Indian and Hispanic women. They enjoy dressing as women as demonstrated by their hair, makeup, jewelry, and clothes. When they go out, they doll up. They also garner admiring male glances too.

Dr. P. Dobransky in his article, The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love, emphasizes that men go for women who dress in soft feminine clothes. Clothes really do matter. So what is the deal with most American women of a certain age, especially the married ones? You have to wonder if they have morphed into their husbands with their super short haircuts, no makeup, and boxy clothes.  Have you ever noticed their husbands still look like  men, as opposed to looking like  women?

Many women would say it is about being comfortable, and they already landed their man, so why bother? Do you realize when you look less like a woman he feels less affectionate and protective toward you?

Let’s fast forward through a typical relationship. Woman dolls herself up for a guy; he’s proud to be seen with her, takes her out all the time. They marry, maybe have a couple of kids, they both put on weight. He starts going to the gym. She’s starts wearing his shirts because they are roomier. Long hair goes because it is too much trouble. Eventually comfort is her prime concern when buying clothes. They go out less and less. He seldom surprises her with small gifts. Their love life is lackluster, and she wonders if he’s cheating. He is no longer the alpha male when his wife has evolved into something androgynous.

The man in question isn’t cheating yet, but he’s watching women who look like females. It reminds me of two comments, one I overheard in a Victoria Secret store. A trio of elderly ladies were shopping together when two heckled the third for buying lingerie. Her response was that she wanted to be the woman in lingerie her husband was ogling. Another comment came from a new grandmother. She gleefully exclaimed that since she reached nana status so no one cared how she looked. Her husband promptly answered, “Grandfathers do.”

We know looking like a classy female gets your guy to respond, but did you know other people respond to you better? You appear to be someone who has it under control. You even feel better about yourself. Men hold doors open for you, and sales clerks actually wait on you. When you feel better about yourself, then you push yourself to do things normally you’d consider out of your reach.

As for your guy, he may start taking you out again to show you off. When you feel better about how you look, you feel better about those around you. Suddenly you’re not fixated on how bad you look, because you’ve dealt with that. Have some pride about your appearance. It is never too late.

I lived in a small town where the outfit for most of the wives was cut-off shorts, and their kids cast-off sport t-shirts worn with athletic shoes, and a no-nonsense super short haircut. Whenever there was an event, one woman would always show up in feminine apparel with kitten heels and jewelry. Despite being at least 60, she always garnered several admiring male glances. Her husband strutted besides her as proud as any peacock. Because she worked hard to look like a woman, she made him feel more like a man.

This woman is a rarity, though. My beloved and I recently went to dinner at a very swanky place. One employee dressed all in black stood by our table to merely brush off any crumbs from the tablecloth that might fall from our lips. I could spend two weeks grocery money on what our dinner cost, and yet the women wore baggy pants and Bermuda shorts with athletic shoes. You’d think they just wandered in, but this is no tourist town, and you had to have reservations.  I was one of the two women in the entire restaurant who wore a dress.

It is actually hard to buy dresses any more, unless I go to Georgia to see my sister. The Southern women still know how to turn a man’s head. Now that you know about the importance of visual appeal, will it change how you dress?


  1. Great post. No woman HAS to dress for men, but if she wants male attention, this is a good way to get it. There is no doubt you get better service anywhere if you're well dressed, as well. It is work to dress up, but at least there's a payoff.

  2. I think it is great if you dress for yourself and other people like it. :) Works for me.