Everyone has heard it takes a village to raise a child.
Apparently, it takes a gaggle of men to keep a single woman happy and content. If
so, what chance does one man? I offer up two articles recently in the news.
From CNN, Ian Kerner, a sexuality counselor offers up that a single woman does
much better with a gaggle of men. This is based on a recent book called The
Gaggle by Jessica Massa.
What does she mean by a gaggle? Your typical hot single
chick flirts with her male barista in the morning, lunches with her male
co-workers, has at least three boyfriends she dates in rotation, and another
one in training basically, she Skypes her ex-boyfriend weekly, and then there’s her butcher who’s willing to
do any type of special cut for her at the grocery. This sounds like a script
for a movie, not someone’s life. If we did know someone like this we’d probably
call her names because we’re jealous, and doubted her commitment to any of the
men.
We’d be right because Ian Kerner, the counselor points out
that she has to have this many men not to get drawn into a serious
relationship. This keeps it fun. It is like being the Bachelorette, but it
never ends. Does anybody believe the Bachelorette sleeps with three different
guys in one week, then, decides she is in love with one? No way, a relationship
takes times to develop in isolation basically. We aren’t who we really are when
we are constantly in competition with a romantic rival. The man becomes Mr.
Romance trying to outdo the other man. When a woman settles into a relationship
or even marriage she is disappointed that the man isn’t the romantic superhero
who had to compete with the gaggle.
The woman becomes restless, and turns to Ashley Madison, a
popular hookup site for some action on the side. Ashley Madison is not for
people who want to leave their current relationship, but more for people who
want the romantic boyfriend and the husband too. I am sure some people who sign up carry on
multiple affairs. Since all the participants are aware that they are engaging
in an affairs with married folks there shouldn’t be any of those “Fatal
Attraction” deals where the woman tries to kill off her lover’s family;
however, there are no guarantees.
Interestingly enough, the profile for the Ashley Madison female
cheater was a woman in her thirties, married less than five years, with one
child. She is usually in the medical, or
education field. Now keep in mind, this woman hasn’t been married all that
long, but she is already considering stepping out. Another statistic that
supports her behavior is that there is less divorce is an economic recession
because people just can’t afford it. I’ve heard this from women who’d admitted
that they’d divorce their husband, but he makes good money. The solution is Ashley Madison to put
excitement in a life that has become ORDINARY.
That’s right, women chafe at going to work every day, coming
home to the same person, doing chores, and paying bills. While dating a gaggle
of men, the woman never even cooks, forget grocery shopping, and she seldom
cleans house. She counts herself lucky to get to work on time, and get her
bills paid. She may have a few high earners in her gaggle that insist on
picking up some of her bills to get the edge on their competition. A woman
dating other men becomes more desirable than a woman dating one. It is the
hunter instinct in the men. All the woman has to do is slip into sexy clothes,
be wined and dined, accept compliments and gifts. It all sounds good.
She finds herself picking up her preschooler,
going to the grocery, and finally arriving home to start dinner. The life she thought she wanted with the stick
people on the back of the mini-van doesn’t look so great anymore. Still, she
wants it and her old dating life back too. Many marriage therapists suggest a
weekly date night to keep marriages humming. What we really need is a mindset
change?
As a consumer nation,
we tend to think we can always get something new or better. Not true. Maybe the
thought of having a gaggle of men appeals to you. How many men enjoy being part
of a gaggle? Not many, according to surveys, unless you’re a player and you had
no intentions of ever having any type of relationship then it’s the gaggle for
you. Remember our behavior changes with the relationship. Many people joke that
once they settled into the relationship they can wear their favorite t-shirts
and sweats. You should be able to be real in your relationship, not punished
when you are real by your spouse cheating on you.
Most people declare they want someone who truly “gets” them.
You’re never going to find that person as long as you’re scrolling through all
your possible gaggle members. No time to lay down roots to make an authentic
relationship. It reminds me a little of Multiplicity, where Michael Keaton
figured out how to clone himself. He basically made himself into a gaggle of
men. One romanced his wife, another did home repairs, another went to work,
etc. At first, he thought this was a
great plan. He soon realized his clones were flat people since they only served
one purpose. Makes you wonder if you
have a gaggle how authentic are any of those relationships?
Reminds me of advice I once heard, that you never want to
marry a player because he is used to a great deal of adulation…and one woman
won’t be enough. So if you got used to your gaggle, would you ever be content
with one man? Good question, in Michael Keaton’s case, his wife wanted him to
be one person with different facets. Do you want an authentic relationship or
do you just want to be greedy?
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