What Men Don't Understand About Women

Cosmo magazine announced that one of the most upsetting things for a woman is when her ex gets married.

A man’s view would be the guy is your ex; obviously, the two of you didn’t have what it took. Why be upset if got married since it is rather inevitable unless he dies mysteriously, becomes a priest, or becomes so broken-hearted over you he can never even think of dating anyone else. After all, you were the pinnacle in his dating life. No one measured up after you. If he does date, all those women are sub-par. Women don’t really think like this, men reason.  Ha, shows how much they know about women.

A 2011 Tango survey of the 1000 participants revealed 76% of the women self-confessed they thought about their ex too much. Fifty percent admitted to checking their ex’s Facebook page often. It is hard to get over an ex when it is right in front of us via social media. There is always defriending an ex, which would be the NORMAL thing to do. Unless you wanted to stalk your ex and compare every move, he makes to yours. Maybe you need to shop his photos to make sure his current girlfriend isn’t as pretty as you. The twist on this survey is not all the women involved were single. A third were married, still thinking about the ex, and cyber stalking him. When does it end?

Another recent Internet survey interviewed men and women about when your ex gets married. Out of fifteen women, some who were married themselves, thirteen were upset when their ex married. When asked to explain, most women felt they had some rights over the guy. How could he even think of getting married without asking? A few willing admitted to open competitiveness. They didn’t want their ex to marry before they did, and they didn’t want their ex to marry well.  While, I applaud these women for their honesty their meanness astounds me.

The men were more accepting of an ex getting married. The fact they broke up meant they weren’t going to be together. One man admitted to wanting to know more about the new husband. Things such as what was his education, how tall he was, what type of car he drove, etc. He thought if he knew he could figure out what was lacking in him.  

Only two women were okay with their ex dating or marrying. These women had moved on. The biggest problem with the ex moving on is he no longer serves as a backup plan. When a woman is between relationships, she assumes she can go to the ex to hang, or just to feel important. Some women think a man they left stays in suspended animation waiting for them to come back. More women return to their ex-husband between men than you might think. The truth boils down to when an ex moves on it equates to you not being a big deal. The guy isn’t listening to sad music and writing cheesy poems about the chick who dumped him.

Two issues are in contrast here. The women involved in the survey dumped the guy. They didn’t want him. He didn’t suit them. They found someone better, and yet they are mad because he moved on. This doesn’t stroke their ego.  Somehow, women feel entitled to have a quiver of available men at their disposal. With the exception of Alaska, and few military bases, there are few places where men outnumber women. It is usually the opposite. With that in mind, the man a woman rejects looks very good to other females.

You might begin to see why men get confused. When a woman screams I never want to see your face again, a man tends to think she means it, especially if she punctuates the statement by throwing china. Dumping the man’s possessions on the sidewalk makes an even stronger impression. A divorce is the ultimate I hate your guts message. After receiving a verbal or written missive of dissolution, you can’t blame a man for moving on.

On an episode of The Big Bang Theory, Penny and Leonard break up due to Penny’s failure to commit and tell Leonard she loves him. Some randy chick hits on Leonard and he reciprocates. Penny goes ballistic because they’ve only been broken up less than forty-eight hours. I realize it is a television show, but the upset occur because she was in his business. People can't break up and expect to still be friends, but that is another column.

I see the problem as being two-fold. Many women, and some men, shuck their ex off like a layer of dead skin. Their eagerness to be rid of this person showed they didn’t value them.  The fact someone else values their ex both angers and mortifies them. The anger is about possession and some competitiveness. The mortification is fear of having discarded someone good.  Another woman finds the ex wonderful. It is obvious because of all the smiling pictures on Facebook and the gushy comments they make to one another.

Here’s a thought to get over your ex, he isn’t the same person with her as he was with you. Maybe he is a better boyfriend or husband with her. It could be that she allows him to be. People are different with different people. Keep in mind, change happens too. Being in a relationship with you may have changed him deeply.

By refusing to let go of your ex, yes checking his status is not letting go, you’ll never have a fulfilling relationship of your own.  No wonder men don’t understand women.