Wednesday, June 12, 2013

Staying Through the Date

My sweetie and I recently discussed if it was wrong to stay the entire date when you sensed at the beginning it wouldn’t work. Was he kidding me? Of course, you finish the date, unless you feel unsafe. I did cut a date short when I felt unsafe by inventing an emergency at home.
I asked my warm, charming man if a date ever cut out on him. Twice, but they waited for the food to arrive before they boxed it and left. Well, it was easy to see their agenda. Get the guy to pay for dinner, then go home and eat it while ridiculing the man online.
Let’s see the man paid for a dinner without company. He was humiliated in public. He prepared for a date that didn’t happened and suffered a drop kick to his self-esteem.  Sometimes, we women wonder why men are so embittered against women.
On the other hand, my charming man told me one woman railed against him because he did not walk out on her and did not ask for a second date. She accused him of leading her on by not ditching her.  The telling part of her rant was that other men ditched her on the date…she was that obnoxious. Mere common courtesy rates up there with a marriage proposal now. Are we in seventh grade again, where an accidental meeting of the eyes means a guy likes you? This woman thought so. Should a man be deliberately rude to make his point that the two of you don’t suit? I don’t see it.
I’ve gone out on plenty of first dates with decent men I didn’t click with. I think we had a reasonably good time. I will admit I worked to be personable while I could have shown all the charisma of a dead fish as so often people do when they decide their date isn’t the right fit. How do you know someone is the right fit ten seconds into the date?  You don’t unless they do something extremely icky. Shy guys often warm up after a while. My sweetie didn’t hit his stride until the third date. What if I decided five seconds into the first date that he wasn’t for me? I would have missed this incredible man.
Have you ever had a date stand you up or walk out on you? Rudeness now seems to be the norm as opposed to being the exception. People meet at coffee shops not to waste time or money. Yeah, I can really get to know someone in the ten minutes it takes me to swallow a chai tea latte, especially if the place is crowded. I’ve also warned you about people who spot their date and refuse to acknowledge them because they don’t have the ‘right’ look.
The two guys who cut dates short on me were both dentists. One met me at a crowded coffee bar, told me how great he was, drank his coffee, then left. He showed no interest in me. He told me we wouldn’t suit and left in under eight minutes. The place we met at wasn’t close to my house. In fact, I drove to another city. I spent time getting ready both physically and mentally. He was late. I paid for my own latte. Trust me, I was not under the impression he was leading me on, despite the emails and phone calls it took to get to the actual meeting. I used the incident as a bad date in my new book, Incognito.
My second dentist date was late too. We were meeting at the Red Lobster. I spent about twenty minutes talking to the young bartender and nursing a glass of wine.  My date breezes in, orders a beer, talks about how hard his life his, orders another beer, talks about how he isn’t ready to date, orders a third beer, which he puts away in a prompt fashion. Tells me he’s not ready to date and leaves. Just like that, I waited longer for him to show than the time he was actually there. I went ahead and ordered dinner. The attractive bartender chatted me up and we both agreed the guy was a loser. My question is why did he bother to show up if he didn’t want to date. I look exactly like my pictures so no surprise there. Yes, I paid for my own wine and dinner, but the bartender did buy me dessert. The bartender wrote down his number and when he worked at the bar, in case, I wanted to see him again.  That incident inspired another book, Unexpected Cougar.
Most women and men can’t take bad dates and write them into a book, but then, some do. If you think, you absolutely can’t stand a date, then, leave before ordering. That way you won't be a dinner whore. Apologize for your rudeness or make up an emergency. He knows it is a lie, but it helps him save face.
Guys, if you don’t want to date why go out in the first place? Remember it takes time to get ready for a date. There are other things the woman could have done, instead of gone out with you. If you don’t click, think of these dates as practice. The people who flirt and charm so effortlessly have been on several dates where they stayed for the entire date.  Imagine that.

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