The Lure of Younger Women

The other day I found myself reading AARP dating advice column. A woman had written in because all the men her age wanted to date much younger women and she wanted to know the reason why.

Here they are:

1.       Self- esteem issues—remember the guy who had to be with the most stacked cheerleader in high school. This is him forty years later. He believes everyone envies him his date. He is unaware that most people assume he is out with his daughter or granddaughter.

2.       Social Acceptance-men date younger women because it is socially acceptable.

3.       Sex-the man assumes he will get plenty of sex from a younger woman and get it on the first date. I am unsure how true this is, but it is assumption. Just like the assumption that women past forty don’t like sex. Wrong. What they usually dislike are inept lovers.

4.       Looks-before you go ballistic on this one, remember there is a big difference in a middle-aged woman who takes care of herself and one who doesn’t. Men are visual creatures, first. They will probably never find out about your great personality and keen mind if you dress like a grandmother. It goes back to number one they initially judge attractiveness by how you’d look by their side. Women do this with height and hair to men.

It is more than a tight caboose. It’s women looking female. Waiting for my pizza the other night, a couple walks in. I knew immediately the man was a male, but I had a harder time figuring out his androgynous wife. It looked like she was wearing his clothes, no makeup, super short hair, nothing to alert people to her femininity except for her name and higher voice.

5.       Adventure-Some men say they date younger women because they still have a sense of adventure and fun. That may be true. I’ve met men in their forties who had less life in them than my dead grandfather. This isn’t true for all middle-aged women.  In fact, older women are often more playful than their male counterparts.

6.       Caretaker-they want someone younger to care for them. Why not a young thing they tempted with the idea of sports cars and exotic vacations? Besides, she might believe she’ll outlive him.

7.       Not bitter and disillusioned yet, is another reason a younger woman might appeal. Most of you have sat across the table from a man who complains bitterly about his ex-wife and all the other women in his life who’ve done him wrong. Are you the female version of this?

8.       A younger chick makes the guy feel smarter. He knows more than the woman by the virtue of being on the planet longer. If they dated for a while, or even married, the woman might catch up in the smarts department, which in turn would make her less attractive.

9.       Children at the advanced age of forty-eight, he decides he should have one or two. Outside of celebrities, most women in their forties do not want children. They can do the math and realize they might not even live to see their child’s wedding. Besides most women have had children by this age or they didn’t want them.

10.   May-December Romance-it does happen. Women do fall in love with much older men sometimes, but it isn’t always easy. The regular friends feel uncomfortable around this couple. The adult children may object feeling their inheritance is threatened. The relationship may fail when the man’s health or income diminishes. No young bride believes she’ll end up pushing her husband around in a wheelchair, but it does happen. When it does, the women who married the established forty-something fellow with a little silver in his hair often feel cheated and angry. The may take their compensation in spending money extravagantly, plastic surgery and, ironically, younger men.

Do all men go for younger women? Nope, I am pretty old school when it comes to asking men out. I didn’t, but I did make an exception for one charming gentleman twelve years my senior that my online dating service thought would suit. He did not look astounding young, but he had a youthful outlook and pleasant personality. In the end, he felt uncomfortable dating someone closer to his son’s age. He probably felt his friends were judging him and applying the reasons above to his behavior.  I have no doubt he found a sweet woman closer to his age.