Saturday, July 27, 2013

Prone to Bad Behavior

This is a collage of self-confessed celebrity sex addicts taken
from website

One of the biggest problems with relationships is cheating. Belittling the other person is probably a close 2nd. Men love the cave man theory that no man can be monogamous because it isn’t in his nature. Even with short life spans, early humans tended to stay together because they needed each other.  Most days, all they had to eat was the berries, nuts and roots the women found. Those early units may have included more than one mate, but no one knows. There is no written history, which shoots the promiscuous early man theory in the foot. What we do know is survival was difficult. A lone man wandering to various campsites to impregnate women faced possible death from starvation, weather, animal attack, other hunters, or even his possible hook-ups.  Not quite the life the cheater imagined.
 Men and women both blame their cheating ways on sexual addiction and maybe murmur that they are getting help while they continue to cheat. A small percentage of the population cheated until they died. Sometimes, it was in a duel. Others tumbled down the stairs with help, or simply divorced. Only recently did we refer to it as sex addiction. Most people accepted this was what the person wanted to do and if they could get away with it, they did.
Ironically, when portrayed as an addiction, people actually feel sorry for the individual. Anthony Weiner, former congressman, spent most of his time in Congress, sending obscene photos and texts to various women.  Obviously he was caught, but oddly he didn’t suffer too many consequences and his wife stood beside him. He now wants to run for office again and believes he will get re-elected. Maybe. Maybe not sincesexual addiction is no longer classified as a disease.
Recent medical studies show that a self-confessed sex addicts’ brains doesn’t react in the manner of true addicts. Nope, their brain is more like a non-addict’s brain. The real reason for the bad behavior is they like sex and they’ve gotten away with it.  Many people have a sense of entitlement where they deserve more than the average person. Often having multiple or new partners gives them a feeling of superiority or a momentary rush.
Of course, if it is no longer classified as a disease, then you have to wonder about all the programs aimed at curing sex addicts. Many of them probably served as great places to meet other people, willing to have sex with strangers. Are these programs little more than ways to separate people from their money? Can people stop being sex addicts or at least acting like players?
Well, if all those books put out by former players are true, they can. It isn’t something anyone else can do for him or her, or a twelve-step program.  One confessed player named Alex ridiculed all the women who wanted to reform him. They didn’t. He met a woman who refused to go out with him because of the type of person he was. He decided he didn’t want to be that person and made the effort to change. It wasn’t an overnight change. After a couple of years, the woman dated Alex and later they married.  Sometimes, people age out of the cheating. They realize it is no longer easy to pick up total strangers. The quality of their pickup suffers too.
Your typical sex addict doesn’t worry about STDs or pregnancy because it messes with his fantasy. He or she likes to believe their behavior is purely impulsive as opposed to premeditated. People seeking a casual hook-up don’t approach you at work, in the grocery, or while you’re pumping gas. You have to know where to look for these people. There are online sites for this service, but that would be indicative of planning and not a purely physical response. Women tend to accept the excuse it was just a physical thing better than planning.  They equate it with stumbling on the road of couple-hood as opposed to taking a different road, which actual planning would involve. People frequently lie to themselves in order to preserve the relationship. In truth, there is no relationship if your partner is a musical bed participant.
 Remember, what happens elsewhere does effect the real partner. Most women who initially contracted AIDS got it via their husbands. Your sweetie may have hooked up with a psychotic who can terrorize the family similar to the movie, Fatal Attraction. Let’s go back to Anthony Weiner’s loyal wife who stands beside him no matter what. The man sent racy texts and photos because he was successful at least once. Otherwise, there was no reason to do it. It is similar to your dog scouring the kitchen floor because you once dropped bacon. Do you seriously think the man is going to stop?
We modify our ways only when we have a significant need to change. Many smokers gave up smoking when ostracized from restaurants and other venues.  People quit smoking, drinking and drug use every day. They avoid situations that might cause relapses. They don’t purchase the product. Often they have to associate with new friends without the problem vices.
 Maybe you are thinking about dating a serial cheater/player. Remember his or her behavior is a decision. They do cheat because they get some positive feelings from it, no matter what they say. The bad feelings come when they are caught. If you decide to keep your cheating mate, remember you can’t make them not cheat. Your romantic partner’s behavior will have a definite impact on how you feel about yourself and life in general. You can’t fix them. They have to see their behavior as needing change. Most don’t, despite what they say. Some people are just prone to bad behavior.

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